I’ve always been a big Tombs of the Blind Dead fan. While the series never produced what you would call a horror classic, all of them have their moments and are loaded with creepy atmosphere. Not to mention the fact that they boast some of the coolest monsters in horror history. The shambling, blind zombie Templar Knights that hunt solely by sound have always been a favorite of mine, and for whatever reason, they never really caught on with mainstream modern-day audiences.
Maybe all that will change with this reboot, Curse of the Blind Dead.
It starts in fine franchise fashion giving us another origin story of the scary sightless slayers. This time, they are about to sacrifice a baby on a Satanic altar when they are ambushed by an angry mob of villagers who burn out their eyeballs before burning them alive at the stake. Then, they pull the rug out from under us during the opening credits. It seems that somewhere between the Medieval times and today, WWIII broke out and turned the world into a post-apocalyptic wasteland!
I love shit like this. It’s really ballsy when a franchise horror flick shakes the genre up a bit. Chucky went to military school. Jason went to space. Setting The Blind Dead in the post-nuke subgenre was an inspired touch.
A father and his pregnant daughter are making their way to the woods when they are attacked by some nasty customers. Some dudes with bows and arrows show up to save their bacon and welcome them into their commune of post-nuke survivors. As it turns out, the compound’s leader, “The Maestro” has his own sinister intentions for the young girl.
While this blending of The Road and the Blind Dead doesn’t quite work, there’s enough potential here to keep you watching. I’ve seen criticism that people were annoyed that it takes a long time for the Blind Dead to show up. However, this is keeping with the old movies as they usually took their sweet time before the Blind Dead did their thing.
Once they do show up, the carnage is pretty sweet. There’s multiple bloody birthing scenes, spine ripping, cheek hooking, stabbing, gut ripping, and face cracking. I probably could’ve done with the part where the Blind Dead rip a baby in half, but I think they just put that in there to show these new Templar Knights don’t fuck around. Honestly though, it was much faster paced than I was anticipating as the film pretty much doesn’t let up once it gets going. The ending is pretty fucked up too. I dug it.
I just wish the Knights retained the cobwebby look of the original Blind Dead. These new guys just look like they’re wearing zombie masks from a Spirit Halloween closeout sale on November 1st. Also, they pretty much drop the whole post-nuke theme once the Blind Dead are awakened. Then, it becomes another running around a castle while zombies try to kill us movie. Not hating, just stating.
While they don’t take full advantage of the “be very quiet or they’ll get you” gimmick, they don’t exactly piss it away as there are a couple of good stalking sequences. One dumb thing is that one of the Knights gets a blurry, black and white POV stalking shot. I guess this guy isn’t one of the Blind Dead. Maybe he’s Glaucoma Dead.
Curse of the Blind Dead is not a classic by any means, but a good gory updating that fans will appreciate. I’d say it’s about as good as the other sequels in the franchise. What more could you ask for? You’re either the kind of person who will fist-pump at the sight of the Blind Dead riding horses in super slow-motion or you aren’t. I know what camp I fall into.
AKA: The Curse of the Knight Templar.
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