Anthony (Vittorio Gassman) is a boorish Sicilian restaurateur in London who receives an anonymous phone call informing him he must pick up his sexy Italian cousin Lucia (Ornella Muti) at the airport. After he drops her off, he gets another phone call stating that it’s in his best interest to make sure her purity remains intact. Since Lucia is out and about in the city (not to mention drop-dead gorgeous), Anthony has to track her down and see that she stays a virgin. Problems naturally arise when Anthony starts developing feelings for her.
Virginity is a lame comedy that suffers from a laborious and unfunny set-up. Once the premise is finally established, there is very little in the way of laughs to be had. The single joke of the movie is that our hero’s family members are also “Family” members, as in the Mob. This joke wasn’t funny the first time and it sure as shit wasn’t funny the twentieth. Maybe this crap had them rolling in the aisles in Italy, but it’s thoroughly lame and painfully unfunny here in America.
If you’ve seen Flash Gordon, you know that Ornella Muti is one of the hottest babes in cinema history. Too bad they keep her covered up from head to toe for most of the movie. The only fun part is when she tries to “prove” to our hero that she’s still a virgin. Sadly, the filmmakers never give her many other opportunities to live up to her sex bomb nature.
The scenes of Gassman cavorting with a comic relief stable hand that sounds like Speedy Gonzalez are the pits. Other potentially humorous moments, like Gassman praying to his dead mother and she actually responds fall flat in record time. The part where he finally meets the Mob boss (who is also played by Gassman) is pretty dreadful too. Adolfo (Thunderball) Celi also shows up for a bit, and it’s obvious that Blofeld’s Number 2’s comedic timing is thoroughly Number 2.
AKA: Pure as a Lily.
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