Wow, can you believe I have been handing out these awards for SEVENTEEN years and not one single recipient has ever bothered to come and claim them? Anyway, I can’t worry about that now. I have even more useless awards to hand out to people who will never pick them up. Let’s begin, shall we?
Best Sequel/Prequel
And the nominees are…
Creed III
The Equalizer 3
Godzilla Minus One
Lingerie Fighting Championships 37: Back to the Mansion
Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning: Part One
And the winner is… Creed III!
Worst Sequel
And the nominees are…
Amor Emanuelle
Evil Dead Rise
Camp Blood 666 Part 2: Exorcism of the Clown
Doll Killer 3: Audra’s Revenge
Subspecies 5: Bloodrise
And the loser is… Evil Dead Rise!
Best Sci-Fi Movie
And the nominees are…
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
The Marvels
Murderbot
Poor Things
Shin Ultraman
And the winner is… Poor Things!
Best Horror Movie
And the nominees are…
Godzilla Minus One
M3GAN
The Nun II
Pillow Party Massacre
Thanksgiving
And the winner is… M3GAN!
Worst Horror Movie
And the nominees are…
Amityville Death Toilet
Cocaine Cougar
Cocaine Shark
1962 Halloween Massacre
Savage Vengeance
And the loser is… Cocaine Shark!
Best Horror Sequel
And the nominees are…
Axegrinder 666
The Exorcist: Believer
Godzilla Minus One
The Nun II
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines
And the winner is… Godzilla Minus One!
Worst Horror Sequel
And the nominees are…
Camp Blood 666 Part 2: Exorcism of the Clown
CarousH3LL
Doll Killer 3: Audra’s Revenge
Evil Dead Rise
Subspecies 5: Bloodrise
And the loser is… Evil Dead Rise!
Best Comic Book Movie
And the nominees are…
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom
The Flash
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
The Marvels
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
And the winner is… The Flash!
Best Action Movie
And the nominees are…
Creed III
The Equalizer 3
Fast X
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning: Part One
And the winner is… Creed III!
Best Actor
And the nominees are…
Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
Ryunosuke Kamiki in Godzilla Minus One
Jason Momoa in Fast X
Cillian Murphy in Oppenheimer
Mark Ruffalo in Poor Things
And the winner is… Cillian Murphy in Oppenheimer!
Best Actress
And the nominees are…
Emily Blunt in Oppenheimer
Taissa Farmiga in The Nun II
M3GAN in M3GAN
Cailee Spaeny in Priscilla
Emma Stone in Poor Things
And the winner is… Emma Stone in Poor Things!
Best Director
And the nominees are…
Gerard Johnstone for M3GAN
Michael B. Jordan for Creed III
Yorgos Lanthimos for Poor Things
Christopher Nolan for Oppenheimer
Takashi Yamasaki for Godzilla Minus One
And the winner is… Michael B. Jordan for Creed III!
Worst Picture
And the nominees are…
Amityville Death Toilet
Bikini Hackers
Cocaine Shark
1962 Halloween Massacre
Savage Vengeance
And the loser is… Bikini Hackers!
Best Picture
And the nominees are…
Creed III
Godzilla Minus One
M3GAN
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
And the winner is… Creed III!
Well, that’s all for this year, folks. See you next year for more… stuff!
Evil Dead Rise is awesome you're nuts.
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