NEVER ON TUESDAY (1989) ***

Eddie (Peter Berg) and his nerdy pal Matt (Andy Lauer) travel cross country for California in search of bikini babes.  Along a desolate stretch of desert highway, they get into an accident with the sultry Tuesday (Claudia Christian) and become stranded on the side of the road.  As they sit and wait for help, they both try to score with her, even though she is clearly not interested in either of them (and is a lesbian to boot). 

Never on Tuesday was the first film by Adam (The Dark Backward) Rifkin.  Even though it was released by Paramount, it feels like the blueprint for a ‘90s independent comedy as it features minimal location work and a string of celebrity cameos.  (Many of whom went on to work with Rifkin again.)  The scenes of the three leads kind of volley back and forth between typical teen comedy banter and more introspective dialogue found in indie dramas.  It doesn’t always mesh, but the performances are great and it all rings true more often than not. 

At first, the fantasy scenes (which include the guys’ sexual daydreams about Tuesday and a random zombie attack) feel like padding.  Eventually, they reveal themselves to be a device where Rifkin can have his cake and eat it too.  He can objectify Christian through the lens of the horny teenage characters while simultaneously presenting her as the strong-willed independent woman she is.  One that the boys have no clue to decipher.  (These scenes also offer us an excuse to see Christian naked, although the one part where she’s surrounded by a troupe of ballerinas is a bit… odd.)

While Christian, Berg, and Lauer are great and all, it’s the supporting players that steal the show.  (Kindly stop reading if you don’t want the cameos spoiled.)  Nicolas Cage shows up as a passing motorist sporting surfer dude hair, a Big Bird nose, and a Tiny Tim voice.  It seems almost like a dry run for some of his more outlandish performances.  Too bad he’s only in it for about half a minute.  We also get Gilbert Gottfried as a traveling salesman, Charlie Sheen as a thief in a leather jacket and an Elvis voice, Judd Nelson as a crazed highway cop with a Hitler mustache, and Emilio Estevez and Cary Elwes (brother of the producer) as redneck tow truck drivers.