Whenever I discover an unsung actress of WTF Cinema, I always say things like, “She should’ve been a household name!” Well, as far as I’m concerned, Mariko Morikawa’s boobs should’ve been a household name. (Household Boobs. How’s that for coining a phrase?) In the case of Mariko Morikawa, when I say, “Household Boobs”, I mean her boobs are as big as a house and I’d really like to hold them.
If the hype is to be believed, these massive melons are a Q Cup. The on-screen graphic (which was about the only thing I could read/understand as the copy I saw was Japanese language with Chinese subtitles) purports she has a 124cm bust, which works out to be about 49 inches. I know Chesty Morgan had a 73-inch bust, but unlike Chesty’s rack, which was a victim to the cruelties of gravity, Morikawa’s are full bodied, robust, and unavoidable. They’re so huge that I’m telling you now, it’s enough to make the King himself, Russ Meyer, envious.
Morikawa’s boobs are in the first shot of the movie. In fact, they ARE the first shot of the movie since that’s the only thing the cameraman could fit into the frame. They are all oiled up and ready to go. If you thought the cameraman deserved a medal for getting the entire set of colossal knockers into the frame, wait till you see the freeze frame money shot. I don’t know the gentleman’s name, but my dude is a consummate professional.
The next scene has Mariko in a nun’s habit. Oh yeah, I totally neglected to mention the fact she plays a nun and the movie we are discussing today is called Big Tit Monastery. Anyway, she stays in the outfit for exactly four seconds before she removes her robe and rubs her humongous hooters against a window, which to me is the very definition of cinema. I don’t know how they did it, but with the framing and lighting, it actually looks like Mariko is right there rubbing her boobs on your television set. It feels akin to being in a peepshow booth and the dancer is RIGHT THERE and the only thing separating you is a pane of glass.
There’s another particularly awe-inspiring shot where her boobs come down at the camera from above and the angle makes it look as if she’s straddling the audience and smothering them with her blessed bosom. I ask you, where is the 4DX version?
Turns out this was all a dream. I usually don’t like “It was all a dream” scenes, but I really can’t fault the movie since I’m probably going to be having lots of dreams of Mariko in the near future.
So, the guy who’s having the big boob nun dreams is this uptight dude who gets all agitated every time he sees or thinks about boobs. A commuter on a train notices his dilemma and invites him back to his house so he can alleviate his situation by banging his big breasted wife. Seems like the right course of action if you ask me. Unfortunately, the visions of the nasty nun continue to haunt our hero.
One day, a Christian missionary goes door to door to spread the word of God and knocks on his door. Wouldn’t you know it? It’s Mariko! And the word she is spreading today is “Legs”. Unfortunately, our hero lets his pal from the train bang her first. Eventually, after a lot of fumbling around, our hero tells Mariko (and I’m paraphrasing here since the version I saw didn’t have English subtitles), “I can’t do it with you unless you dress like a nun.”
Hey, we’ve all been there.
Fortunately for him and the audience, Mariko is only too happy to oblige, and she shows off her nasty habits (if you’re picking up what I’m putting down). Then, the movie ends with our hero and his pal having a KY-drenched three-way with Mariko. Not only does it conclude with the happiest of endings, it also contains what is possibly the finest final freeze frame in motion picture history.
Oh, I guess I neglected to mention that Mariko Morikawa is only 4’ 11’. Her diminutive height makes her bombastic bust look even larger. She may not have the largest on record, but when you look at her boobs (and trust me, I’m looking), in proportion to the rest of her body, it’s just mind boggling.
Compared to Chesty (the comparisons are unavoidable), whose boobs just seemed anchored down by gravity, Mariko’s astonishingly defies it. Consider the scene where she is absolutely getting railed and they flop, bounce, and jiggle like an 8.9 on the Richter Scale. Also, whereas Morgan always seemed disinterested and maybe a little embarrassed on camera, Morikawa is definitely into it, which helps tremendously.
Since this is a Japanese movie, there is some “fogging” in some scenes where they blur out the naughty bits. However, director Sachi Hamano cleverly skirts around censorship by having some hot over-the-underwear play and suggestive shots of bodily fluids leaking and/or spurting. It should be pointed out that Hamada is a woman. Hollywood keeps saying they need more female directors. They should give her a call!
One issue I had with the movie is that it’s called Big Tit Monastery, but Mariko only appears in the nun’s habit in a few scenes. (I concede there may have been something lost in translation somewhere along the way.) I was kind of hoping there would be a whole convent full of big breasted nuns, but oh well. With an actress who’s enormously talented like Mariko Morikawa, one big breasted nun is all you need.
Big Tit Monastery had made me a Mariko Morikawa fan for life. Mariko is so great in her sex scenes that when it comes to scenes elsewhere in the movie featuring actresses that are, shall we say, of more traditional proportions, they can’t come close to matching her intensity. That’s okay because you can use these moments to catch your breath, smoke a cigarette, and/or recharge your batteries until the next Mariko scene occurs. Since many times all that you see in the frame is Mariko’s boobs, I suggest seeing this on the biggest screen possible for maximum effect.
So, my friends, if WTF Cinema is your religion, then Big Tit Monastery should be the temple you worship.
AKA: Big Boobs Monastery. AKA: Busty Monastery. AKA: Ultra Q-Cup 124cm Sister.
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