HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: BAN THE SADIST VIDEOS! (2005) *** ½

David Gregory is one of the great horror film documentarians of our time.  A director of several behind-the-scenes DVD special features, he has been entertaining and informing for decades, giving us in-depth documentaries on some of the most popular horror movies ever made.  With Ban the Sadist Videos, Gregory gives us a comprehensive look at Britain’s crackdown on horror videos in the ‘80s. 

Gregory begins with a glimpse of just how wide open the video market was in the early ‘80s.  Since the major studios were a little slow on the uptake, independent companies were able to flood the market with exploitation titles like Last House on the Left, I Spit on Your Grave, and Cannibal Holocaust.  Video stores were practically everywhere at the time, so these films were readily available to just about anyone.  Soon, moral crusaders took it upon themselves to ban the movies in an effort to “save the children”.  This led to a government crackdown on violent videos and police raids on mom and pop video stores, which gave the videos instant worldwide notoriety. 

In America, we didn’t have this sort of hubbub.  Our battle was mostly with the MPAA who cut out all the nasty bits before the movie could even be released.  As a Yank, I found this documentary to be highly informative, but the real reason to see it is for all the cool archive footage of the old video stores and seeing goriest snippets of the films in question.  I also enjoyed the interviews with filmmakers like Jess Franco, Wes Craven, and Dario Argento, who talk about how it feels to have your work censored.  I just wish there was more footage of them because most of the directors interviewed take the censorship kind of personally.  

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE DEMONS (1973) *** ½

A witch is burned at the stake and vows her daughters will avenge her.  Lady De Winter (Karin Fields) searches for the daughters and finds Kathleen (Anne Libert) and Margaret (Britt Nichols) in a nearby convent.  Since Kathleen is seen as the most hedonistic one, she is taken away to be tried and tortured as a witch.  That night, Margaret is visited by “her father”, Satan, who rapes her.  This turns Margaret into a full-blown witch and she sets out to get revenge for the death of her mother. 

Jess Franco’s The Demons plays like a combination of a witch hunt movie and a nunsploitation picture.  It’s filled with several memorable set pieces of sacrilegious sex and kinky torture sex scenes.  If horny nuns masturbating and seducing each other is your thing, you’re going to love it.  The scene where Margaret is raped by Satan is also jaw-dropping, even if the music sounds like fake Led Zeppelin.  The following sequence in which she tempts her Mother Superior into fornicating with her is equally scandalous. 

For me, the scenes with Lady De Winter were the most erotic.  I loved the scene where she gets so hot while watching witches being tortured that she makes her lover play kinky S & M witch hunt games with her in the bedroom.  The best part though occurs late in the picture when Margaret comes to her in disguise.  She doesn't recognize Margaret's face, but when Lady De Winter bends her over and lifts up her skirt, she recognizes her ass!  Pure genius!  

In short, this is one of Franco's best.  The only part that doesn’t work is the subplot involving the characters who want to overthrow the King and join up with Dutch resistance.  This dull palace intrigue should’ve been cut, but even with the two-hour running time, the film goes by quicker than you'd expect.  

AKA:  She-Demons.  AKA:  The Sex Demons.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE OUTING (1987) ** ½

Thieves steal a lamp from an old lady and wind up unleashing a killer genie.  The next day, a bunch of kids go to a museum on a field trip.  They get the bright idea to leave the group behind and spend the night in the museum.  Naturally, the genie shows up and starts picking them off one by one. 

Most of the movie is clunky and sometimes dull, but it's nearly saved by a handful of gory set pieces and zany kills.  The scene where a woman takes an axe to the brain and awakens moments later to kill her attacker with a well-placed headbutt is awesome.  We also get people cut in half, death by impalement, head crushing, and a funny scene in which a snake goes up a guy’s pants. 

These odd moments, not to mention the cool monster help to almost, but not quite make up for the film’s various shortcomings.  The teens are mostly annoying and the pacing is erratic.  The ending is also weird and frustrating.  Up until The Outing, I’ve never seen a movie end with a scene in which a Pepsi truck acts as both a jump scare and product placement.  I guess that counts for something.   

Overall, The Outing is far too uneven to ever really work.  As far as killer genie movies go, it’s still much better than any films in the Wishmaster series.  It’s definitely no Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama though. 

AKA:  The Lamp.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE CORPSE GRINDERS (1971) ***

Most people say Astro-Zombies is Ted V. Mikels’ best work, but I’d like to think this is his magnum opus.  The Corpse Grinders is 70 minutes of ‘70s silliness.  Imagine if Al Adamson tried to make an Andy Milligan movie and that might give you an idea of the lunacy in store. 

A doctor and his sexy nurse try to uncover why housecats are suddenly turning on their owners and killing them.  As it turns out, the proprietors of the Lotus Cat Food Company have been using corpses to enhance their cat food.  They soon take to using fresher ingredients (READ:  Living people) to increase their supply. 

The Corpse Grinders probably has too much plot for such a silly movie.  You have to follow the subplot of the doctor playing amateur detective along with the drama at the cat food plant, as well as the struggles of the gravedigger who supplies the company with fresh corpses.  That’s not even taking into account all the cat attacks that spice things up every now and then.  Even though the plot has a lot of moving parts, Mikels keeps the pacing running pretty smoothly. 

The shots of corpses and living people being put on the conveyor belt and fed to the industrial cat food machine are priceless.  The close-ups of the chewed-up meat spewing out of the machine are great too and I loved the not-so subliminal shots of the spinning wheels that are intercut over the potential victims’ faces.  The film probably needed a couple more cat attack scenes to fully make it a bona fide classic, but when you consider just how tough it is to get a cat to do anything, let alone act, it’s amazing we got as many as we did. 

Even if The Corpse Grinders is a decidedly low-rent affair, the cinematography makes it look like a million bucks.  The colorful lighting looks like something out of an Argento film.  I can’t say it’s a must-see or anything, but it definitely looks better than your typical schlock movie of the era. 

AKA:  Night of the Howling Beast.  AKA:  The Flesh Grinders.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE DEMONIACS (1974) ***

A band of pirates known as “The Wreckers” place lighthouses close to shore, so they can cause boats to shipwreck; making them easy targets to loot and pillage.  (Kind of like in The Fog.)  When the Wreckers happen upon two beautiful mute shipwreck survivors, they rape them and leave them for dead.  Somehow, the women manage to survive and with the help of a clown find a castle that contains an ancient spirit who dresses like Elvis.  They free him, and he agrees to help them get revenge on the Wreckers (but not before they all have sex together). 

Man, this movie has everything.  Sexy pirate women, clairvoyant hookers, creepy clowns, stud spirits that dress like Elvis… you name it, it’s got it.  Director Jean Rollin doubles down on his trademark surrealism here.  The scenes of the vast ship graveyard are atmospheric and the sequences inside the castle ruins are equally beautiful.  Some scenes feel like they came out of a nightmare.  Take for instance the scene where a pirate menaces the women with a giant brandy snifter and he winds up falling face first on it and slashing his throat.  You don’t see that kind of shit every day, folks.  

The movie really belongs to Joelle Coeur, who plays Tina, the sexy pirate.  This Tina is something else.  Not only does she get off on instigating murder, she always seems to find a reason to rip her shirt off and grope herself a whole bunch and roll around on the ground in ecstasy.  It’s truly a fearless, full-tilt performance. 

Like much of Rollin’s work, The Demoniacs has a tendency to bog down in places.  Honestly, there was no reason for this to be two hours long.  Even with its extended running time, some of the plot detours are entertaining (like the aforementioned clairvoyant hooker).  Because of that, it’s a fun, if drawn-out ride. 

AKA:  Revenge of the Virgins.  AKA:  Curse of the Living Dead.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: LIPS OF BLOOD (1975) ***

I don’t think I can quite say that Lips of Blood is Jean Rollin’s best movie, but I can say that it is probably the Jean Rolliniest movie he ever made.  All the director’s trademarks are here:  Decrepit castles, beautiful women in sheer negligees, vampires, and straightjackets.  It also has a real waking nightmare vibe about it that gets under your skin.  While everything might not always make logical sense, there’s a dreamlike quality to the picture that encourages the viewer to forgo things like “logic” and “sense” and accept it on its own terms. 

Frederic (Jean-Loup Philippe) goes to a party and sees a photograph that dredges up a long-repressed memory.  He remembers meeting a beautiful woman at a castle when he was a child and soon becomes obsessed with finding the place and tracking down the woman.  Despite repeated warnings, he finds the castle and winds up awakening a cult of vampire women. 

The mystery takes its time unfolding, but it does so in a suspenseful and satisfying way.  Lips of Blood is slow movie, though it’s never boring.  It’s artsy without being pretentious.  While it contains a lot of exploitation elements, Rollinshandles all the naked vampires and nude photo shoots in a tasteful, elegant manner. 

He also has fun with the surreal, dreamlike imagery.  The scene where our hero finds a bat in a coffin is memorable and the scene where a coffin is slowly swept into the sea is particularly haunting.  While it’s not always successful and the pacing can be frustrating at times, it’s still worth a look for both the casual horror viewer and Rollin fans alike. 

AKA:  Suck Me, Vampire.

NETFLIX AND KILL: TRAIN TO BUSAN (2016) ***

A workaholic father takes his daughter aboard a train to see her mother.  A woman bitten by a zombie and stumbles aboard the train just as it is leaving the depot.  She soon becomes zombified and begins biting other passengers, spreading the virus throughout the train.   

Train to Busan is a zombie movie, but it also functions as a metaphor for how one should act during a crisis.  Our hero is selfish and is only concerned with saving himself and his daughter.  She is a bit more idealistic (or naïve, depending on your point of view) and tries to help others aboard the train.  (“You only care about yourself.  That’s why mom left.”)  Naturally, her father slowly learns not to be so selfish throughout the ordeal. 

The group of survivors that band together are pretty interesting for this sort of thing.  We have a pregnant couple, a pair of elderly sisters, and a baseball team.  There’s also a bit of an implied class struggle going on as the one rich asshole constantly forces the porters to cave in to his demands during the attack. 

The zombie attacks on the train are simple yet effective.  The World War Z type of zombies seen later in the picture at various train stations are less successful, but it is kind of cool to see them spilling into rooms in hordes and falling off rooftops and second story windows like lemmings.  I’ll admit, some of the new zombie rules are kind of lame (they can’t see in the dark?!?) and the two-hour running time could’ve been a lot shorter.  However, the ending, while predictable, hits all the right notes. 

In short, this was a great way to end Netflix and Kill.  Sure, I watched thirty-one horror movies in thirty-one days (although it took me thirty-two to review them all), but that doesn’t mean the horror is going to stop.  I’ve still have plenty of horror movie reviews in the pipe for a column I’ll be calling Halloween Hangover, which should probably take up most of November. 

AKA:  Invasion Zombie.