A MOST VIOLENT YEAR (2014) ***

Oscar Isaac is a shrewd businessman trying to expand his oil operation in New York in 1981.  Facing pressure from the competition, he buckles down and braces himself for legal threats, violence against his drivers, and possible attempts on his life.  Together with his wife (Jessica Chastain) and lawyer (Albert Brooks), they prepare themselves for the worst while trying to flush out the mastermind plotting his potential downfall.

A Most Violent Year is a somber and consistently engrossing mood piece.  Director J.C. (All is Lost) Chandor sets the stove to simmer and keeps the tension brewing throughout.  Maybe he keeps the simmering going for a bit too long.  Some would argue it’s a more difficult task for a director to simmer constantly than going straight to boil.  That’s true to a degree, but the film might’ve done with a few more fireworks.  

Isaac has a brooding Pacino-like intensity.  He’s playing a man of principle who is very set in his ways and has a deliberate way of doing things.  Forces beyond his control keep pushing him, but he will not yield.  If you’re a fan of Isaac, you really owe it to yourself to check it out.  The same goes for Chastain.  She is excellent as his tough as nails wife.  Brooks is just as great here as he was in Drive, which makes me hopeful he’ll continue to take on these atypical dramatic roles in the future.  David (Jack Reacher) Oyelowo also has some fine moments as the hard-nosed D.A. itching to close Isaac down.

A Most Violent Year is the kind of movie Sidney Lumet used to make.  It’s a multi-layered, wonderfully acted meditation about corruption, violence, and honor.  It may go on a bit too long, but the crisp writing, elegant cinematography, and stellar performances ensure you’ll be along for the ride every step of the way.

BEYOND THE SEA (2004) **

I’m a huge Bobby Darin fan, but I somehow never got around to watching this biopic directed by and starring Kevin Spacey.  I know we’re not supposed to watch Kevin Spacey movies because he’s a terrible person and everything.  However, my love of all things Darin outweighs my feelings for Spacey. 

Beyond the Sea starts off on an awkward meta note as Bobby Darin (Spacey) is in the middle of making a movie about himself.  He faces criticism that he’s too old to play the part.  Spacey must have felt that too as he was older at the time of filming than Darin ever lived to be.  When a worker calls the temperamental Darin an asshole, his manager (John Goodman) yells, “He might be an asshole, but he’s our asshole!”, a sentiment I’m sure that many of Spacey’s inner circle felt.  All the stuff regarding Darin’s obsessive use of toupees probably hit home for Spacey as well.  On downtime from filming, Bobby connects with a young boy who is playing him in the film-within-a-film.  He then figures out the only way to tell his story is by having flashbacks to childhood. 

It’s funny in these flashback scenes seeing Spacey playing Darin as a teenager.  It’s even funnier seeing guys like Goodman and Bob Hoskins playing young versions of their characters.  I mean it’s a stretch to see Spacey do it.  It’s even worse when they do it. 

After the goofy set-up, we do get a couple of strong scenes.  The routine biopic stuff (especially the scenes detailing Darin’s marriage to Sandra Dee, played by Kate Bosworth), are superficial, but are well-acted enough to keep you involved.  Unfortunately, the movie only gets more aimless and unfocused as it goes along.  

It also sort of speeds through Darin’s rise as a teen idol.  Even after he becomes the crooner we all know and love, it still seems rushed.  The film oddly spends too much time on his folk song phase.  I guess they were trying to show there was more to his repertoire than his early stuff.  It’s just that sulky Darin is not nearly as much fun as suave Darin.

Like most biopics, it can’t cover EVERYTHING.  I would’ve liked to have seen some of his TV work mentioned.  Despite that, I was still inclined to give this ** ½ based on the music and Spacey’s admittedly fine performance.  Then the ending, where Darin and the kid who plays him rewrite their happy ending, came along.  It’s jaw-dropping bad on just about every level and ends things on a goofy note. 

Speaking of notes, it’s great hearing Darin’s hits like “Mack the Knife, “Beyond the Sea”, “Dream Lover”, and “Splish-Splash”.  What’s amazing is that all the songs are performed by Spacey, who is an incredible mimic.  (I was a bit miffed that he didn’t include my personal favorite Darin tune, “Clementine” on the soundtrack.)  You get the feeling though it might’ve been better if Spacey had just released an album of Darin covers instead of doing a whole movie.  While Spacey paid Darin’s music a proper tribute, the film itself is majorly lacking Darin’s sense of showmanship.  Bobby deserved better.  

DUEL IN TIGERS DEN (1976) **

A warlord wants to get his hands on a sacred seal and will do anything to get it.  Two drifters come to town… well… they climb over a mountain to get to town, so they don’t exactly “drift”.  Anyway, they arrive in town and begin stirring up trouble.  Before long, they are locked in a bitter struggle for control of the seal.

If that plot description seems kind of vague, it’s because there’s very little plot here.  Because of that, the fight scenes occur every ten minutes or so.  Basically, our heroes will bust out a bunch of chopsocky on the bad guy’s henchmen and smash the skulls of their enemies against a wall until they’re good and bloody.  This makes bad guy pace back and forth a lot before he nervously barks out orders and sends more men to stop them.

Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a bad thing.  If it was just the plot that was unmemorable it would’ve been okay, but since most of the fights are interchangeable, Duel in Tigers Den winds up being slight and forgettable.  The few scenes that stick out in your memory are decent, although they aren’t enough to put it over the top.  The best moment is the fight in a lumberyard where someone is impaled on a forklift.  We also get a big brawl on top of a train.  Even though this sequence features a nice change of scenery (not to mention a cameo by Bruce Li), it’s obvious no one is going to get hurt since the train moves REALLY slow.

AKA:  Duel in the Tiger Den.  AKA:  Macho Man.

THE ADULT VERSION OF JEKYLL AND HIDE (1972) ** ½

Dr. Leeder (Jack Buddliner) finds Dr. Jekyll’s original manuscript in an antique shop and becomes obsessed with it.  He comes to the store in the middle of the night offering to buy it, and when the shopkeeper refuses to part ways with it, Leeder kills him.  While reading the book, he envisions he’s Dr. Jekyll, transforming into Mr. Hyde and killing prostitutes.  Eventually, he recreates Dr. Jekyll’s formula and tests it out on himself.

As with Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde, our hero turns into a sexy woman (Jane Tsentas) when he drinks the potion.  The transformation scene is great too as he opens his shirt to find brand-new boobs.  Naturally, this leads to a long scene where he/she looks in the mirror and plays with him/herself.  This happens every time he switches bodies, which helps pad out the running time.

It shouldn’t come as much of a shock to you that there’s more of a concentration on the “Adult Version” portion of the story than on the “Jekyll and Hyde” bits.  It’s amusing for the most part, although it never quite gels.  The stuff that looks like it came out of your basic ‘70s skin flick works better than the Dr. Jekyll daydream scenes.  The modern-day Jekyll stuff is pretty good though, especially when Tsentas attacks Rene Bond.

Fans of Bond will enjoy The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide.  It’s a good vehicle for her talents as she has many sex, nude, and shower scenes.  There’s also a smattering of S & M in here as there are scenes where Hyde whips a prostitute with a strap before tying her up and having his way with her.  This is the most horror-centric scene in the movie and only helps to illustrate the film’s overall tonal problems.  

There are some fun moments here, but ultimately, it goes on a bit too long for its own good.  The sluggish pacing makes the ninety-minute running time feels a lot longer.  If the plot had been streamlined a bit and they had found a better way to incorporate the fantasy sequences, The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide could’ve been a minor classic.  As it stands, it’s an interesting, if intermittently amusing curio.

AKA:  The Adventures of Dr. Jekyll.  AKA:  The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hyde.

5 HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2017) *

Confession time:  I never saw 2 Headed Shark Attack.  I know, right?  I’m sorry I let you down.  I hope you forgive me.

On a related note.  I didn’t see 3 Headed Shark Attack.  I’m sure you’re like, what?  How?  Hey, man.  I can’t see them all.

They didn’t even make a 4 Headed Shark Attack, so don’t even try to come at me for missing that one.

Say what you will about me, I’m here now.  I showed up for 5 Headed Shark Attack.  I hope this review in some way, shape, or form makes up for me missing Parts 2 Headed and 3 Headed.   

If we’re being completely honest with each other here, this is one of the worst SyFy Channel shark movies I’ve ever sat through.  

Okay, so a 4 Headed Shark kills some boaters and the cops try to get a marine biographer to identify the shark.  Dude, it’s a 4 Headed Shark.  I don’t think you needed to bug a marine pornographer for that.  Anyway.  Her boss is like, “Don’t help the cops.  We can catch this thing.  This could put our aquarium back on the map.”  Yeah.  Putting a shitty CGI shark from a shitty SyFy Movie on display will REALLY pull in the tourists.  Like they couldn’t see the same shit on their Roku player at home for free.

So, they spend the next hour or so out on a boat looking for the damned thing.  It only sporadically shows up to eat someone, and even then, it doesn’t really relieve the boredom.  Oh, and if you’re keeping track, we eventually do get to see the fifth head after a while (and it’s exactly where you think it’s going to be).  

Jesus Fucking Christ.  I made a New Year’s resolution to try to be more open-minded and positive when it comes to writing these reviews.  With that in mind I will say… at least I haven’t seen 2 Headed Shark Attack.  Or 3 Headed Shark Attack.  Or God forbid, 6 Headed Shark Attack.  (It’s a thing.  So help me.  I looked it up.)

This is one of those rare cases where too much head is a bad thing.

AKA:  Five Head Jaws.

POWER RANGERS (2017) * ½

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers were after my time.  That was my little brother’s generation’s thing.  That is to say that I am not completely oblivious to them.  I do remember when they were the hot toy that one Christmas.  I can’t say I watched an episode in its entirety, but if I did occasionally check it out, it was only for the Godzilla/Ultraman inspired fight scenes.

This one starts with a blue-skinned Bryan Cranston dying.  Next, there is an obvious bull-milking gag followed by a nauseating chase scene where the camera turns at a 360-degree angle non-stop.  Then it turns into a The Breakfast Club clone.  For about an hour I almost forgot what movie I was watching.  There were no dudes in leotards Kung Fuing men in rubber suits.  There was not a Voltron rip-off robot in sight.

After about an hour of emo bullshit, the teenagers finally come together, find some glowing stones that give them superpowers, fall down a hole, stumble upon a spaceship, and turn into Power Rangers.

The fact that they dropped the “Mighty Morphin” from the title suggests this is supposed to be more “serious”.  It’s also way too dark.  I don’t mean that it’s violent or meanspirited.  I mean it’s hard to tell what’s going on a lot of the time.  I guess they were trying to do a “grown-up” version of the Power Rangers, but did it really need to be so gloomy looking?

There is no reason on God’s green earth that a Power Rangers movie should run over two hours, but here we are.  Since it’s an origin story, they don’t get into their suits until the last half hour, and it’s a long time coming.  There’s a really lame plot device that’s meant to excuse why they can’t morph into their suits, but we all know it was to save on the costume budget. 

Once the Power Rangers finally do suit up, they get the obligatory hero shot of them walking in slow motion together.  However, this is almost immediately followed by a shot of them running.  It’s hilarious. 

Even the parts I was hoping would at least be somewhat entertaining were a huge bust.  The giant monster battle at the end is weak.  Plus, they pretty much forget about Yellow and Black Ranger during the fight, which is funny when so much of their strategy depends on teamwork.  It also doesn’t help that the movie utilizes some sub-Asylum level special effects.

The cast do what they can.  Bill Hader is amusing as the little robot helper guy and Bryan Cranston lends a little gravitas to the role of Zordon.  Elizabeth Banks still manages to be sexy beneath all that make-up as the villainous gold-eating Rita. Of the Power Rangers, the Red Ranger (Dacre Montgomery) was the only one that seemed to have a pulse.  He had a Chris Klein quality about him that was appealing. 

This reminded me a lot of the awful Fantastic Four reboot.  It’s lifeless, dull, and strips away all the fun from the property.  I mean the only really fun bit is when the original theme song kicks in, but that is instantly substituted for more generic shitty contemporary noise.   

I guess if you’re nostalgic for this shit, it might do something for you.  The uninitiated will be thoroughly unimpressed.  It’ll be enough for you to scream, “Stop!  Stop!  Power Rangers!”

Suggested Drinking Game:  Take a shot every time there is a plug for Krispy Kreme. 

THE 2018 VIDEO VACUUM AWARDS

Hello, and welcome to the ceremony announcing the prestigious 12^th Annual Video Vacuum Awards.  Naturally, that OTHER award ceremony took all my thunder by getting up SUPER early and announcing THEIR award nominations earlier this morning.  You’d think people out in Hollywood would want to get their beauty rest, but I guess not.  But I digress.  Without further ado, let’s announce the nominations for the 12^th Annual Video Vacuum Awards:

Best Picture
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Creed 2
Solo:  A Star Wars Story
Superfly
Venom

Worst Picture
China Salesman
Hellraiser:  Judgment
Hereditary
Peppermint
211

Best Director
Steven Caple, Jr. (Creed 2)
Ruben Fleischer (Venom)
Ron Howard (Solo:  A Star Wars Story)
Peyton Reed (Ant-Man and the Wasp)
Director X (Superfly)

Best Actor
Trevor Jackson (Superfly)
Michael B. Jordan (Black Panther)
Joaquin Phoenix (You Were Never Really Here)
Burt Reynolds (The Last Movie Star)
Bruce Willis (Death Wish)

Best Actress
Cate Blanchett (The House with a Clock in its Walls)
Hailee Steinfeld (Bumblebee)
Marci Miller (Children of the Corn:  Runaway)
Tessa Thompson (Creed 2)
Ariel Winter (The Last Movie Star)

Best Action Movie
Bumblebee
Death Wish
Solo:  A Star Wars Story
Superfly
Venom

Worst Action Movie
China Salesman
Black Water
The Debt Collector
Escape Plan 2:  Hades
Peppermint

Best Comic Book Movie
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Aquaman
Avengers:  Infinity War
Teen Titans Go! To the Movies
Venom

Best Sequel
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Creed 2
Pacific Rim:  Uprising
Bumblebee
Solo:  A Star Wars Story

Worst Sequel
Deep Blue Sea 2
Escape Plan 2:  Hades
Godzilla:  City on the Edge of Battle
Hellraiser:  Judgment
The Nun

Best Horror Movie
Before I Wake
The House with a Clock in its Walls
Mandy
The Meg
Mom and Dad

Worst Horror Movie
Day of the Dead:  Bloodline
Deep Blue Sea 2
Hellraiser:  Judgment
Hereditary
The Nun

Best Sci-Fi Movie
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Bumblebee
Pacific Rim:  Uprising
Ready Player One
Solo:  A Star Wars Story

Worst Sci-Fi Movie
Annihilation
The Cloverfield Paradox
Godzilla:  City on the Edge of Battle
Godzilla:  Planet of the Monsters
Mute

Best Movie Based on a TV Show
Bumblebee
The Equalizer 2
Goosebumps 2:  Haunted Halloween
Mission:  Impossible:  Fallout
Teen Titans Go! To the Movies

Best Drama
Bohemian Rhapsody
Creed 2
The Last Movie Star
The Mule
The Other Side of the Wind

Best DTV/Streaming Movie
Before I Wake
A Futile and Stupid Gesture
Kickboxer:  Retaliation
The Night Comes for Us
Puppet Master:  The Littlest Reich

Worst DTV/Streaming Movie
Black Water
China Salesman
Deep Blue Sea 2
Godzilla:  City on the Edge of Battle
Hellraiser:  Judgment

Worst DTV/Streaming Sequel
The Cloverfield Paradox
Deep Blue Sea 2
Escape Plan 2:  Hades
Godzilla:  City on the Edge of Battle
Hellraiser:  Judgment

Best Kids Movie
Goosebumps 2:  Haunted Halloween
Hotel Transylvania 3:  Summer Vacation
The House with a Clock in its Walls
Paddington 2
Teen Titans Go! To the Movies

Best Scene I Could Not Make Up
An Alien chestburster erupting out of Goro in Ready Player One
Iron Giant vs. Mechagodzilla in Ready Player One
The Trip to the Overlook Hotel in Ready Player One
The weaponization of Chucky in Ready Player One
Eric Roberts’ La La Land-inspired song and dance in Stalked by My Doctor:  Patient’s Revenge

Best Dialogue
Creed 2 for “He broke things in me that ain’t never been fixed!”
The Equalizer 2 for “I expect a 5 Star rating!”
Mandy for “You ripped my shirt!”
Mute for “I’m AWOL!  You’re an A-Hole!”
Ready Player One for “It’s fucking Chucky!”
Red Sparrow for “You sent me to whore school!”
Solo:  A Star Wars Story for “I know.”
Spider-Man:  Into the Spider-Verse for “I frolic.  I dance.  I do this in my pants!”
Superfly for “I’m not going nowhere where the j’s are silent!”
Teen Titans Go! To the Movies for “Save me from Gene Hackman’s real estate scam!”

That concludes the nominations for 2018. The winners should be announced shortly before that OTHER award show.  Tell me who you think should win in the comments below.