THE FEMALE BUNCH (1971) **

Sandy (Nesa Renet) is a cocktail waitress who falls head over heels for a Las Vegas entertainer (Don Epperson, who also sings a couple of OK tunes).  When he breaks things off with Sandy, her gal pal Libby (Regina Carrol) invites her to join her all-girl gang.  Together, the wild women live on a ranch where farmhand Monti (Lon Chaney, Jr.) is the only man allowed on the premises.  Their leader, Grace (Jennifer Bishop) is a man-hating badass who occasionally makes runs across the border to Mexico to buy smack.  It doesn’t take long before a man (Russ Tamblyn) sneaks onto the ranch for a little action and gets a taste of Grace’s fury.

While the premise seems sturdy enough, The Female Bunch is mostly a mess.  The title makes it seem like it’s going to be sort of like an all-female version of The Wild Bunch, but’s it’s more like a western variation on a biker gang movie in that the girl gang rides around on horses instead of motorcycles.  Parts are dull, and yet, some scenes have a bit of a kick to them.  I liked the gang initiation scene where the new girls are buried alive in a coffin.  I also dug the part where Tamblyn gets busted by Bishop, which leads to a not-bad branding sequence.  There’s also a death scene involving a pitchfork that’s surprisingly well done. 

Most of the scenes though go on far too long and suffer from erratic editing.  Even worse, just about every scene transition is awkward at best, or downright amateurish at worst.  None of it flows together very well, which makes for a frustrating experience.  The film also contains some of the worst ADR I have ever heard, with some dialogue being spoken while the actors’ mouths are completely closed (and sometimes spoken by an entirely different person).  I guess you can attribute that to the fact that director Al Adamson was fired during production and replaced by John “Bud” Cardos (who also has a small role as a Mexican farmer who is terrorized by the girl gang), but the editing is pretty rough, even by both men’s standards.

It’s also sad to see Chaney floundering around in his final filmed performance.  His voice is hoarse, his face is flushed, and his eyes are watery.  I have a feeling that the bottle of booze he swigs from wasn’t a prop. 

The women in the cast are easy on the eyes, which helps somewhat.  Bishop has a commanding screen presence, and Lesley McCrea, Sharon Wynters, and Carol are fun to watch… whenever the editing allows for such things.  There’s also just enough nudity (some of which comes courtesy of body doubles) to act as an olive branch to keep you from hating it too much. 

VHS DELIRIUM (2018) ***

 

VHS Delirium is a feature-length bonus feature on Drive-In Delirium:  The New Batch.  It’s a ninety-minute collection of trailers ripped from ‘80s VHS releases.  Since there are more VHS Delirium compilations on other Drive-In Delirium Blu-Rays, I figured I would review them separately as their own entity. 

This initial offering includes Christiane F., Live a Little Steal a Lot, Sisters, Starflight One, Fake Out, High Road to China, They Call Me Bruce, Fritz the Cat, Hostage, Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday, Yellowbeard, Jaguar Lives, Survive!, The Lonely Lady, Split Image, Zulu Dawn, Kill and Kill Again, The Last Hunter, Flesh for Frankenstein, Blood for Dracula, House by the Cemetery, Get Crazy, Threshold, Brainwaves, Never Say Never Again, 21 Hours at Munich, Count Yorga Vampire, Chrome and Hot Leather, High Ballin’, Stone Cold Dead, The Cold Room, Empire of the Ants, The Return, Young Doctors in Love, Melvin Son of Alvin, Scanners, The Philadelphia Experiment, Defiance, The Fifth Floor, Jennifer, Secrets of the Phantom Caverns, Kill Squad, Savage Islands, Battletruck, Cannonball, Cannonball Run 2, Something Wicked This Way Comes, The Rutles, Cloud Dancer, Hysterical, Roadhouse 66, 1984, Lassiter, Losin’ It, The Key, Bedside Headmaster, Julia, Pursuit of D.B. Cooper, Condorman, Scarred, Seven, and Flight 90.  The best part is the last few trailers, all of which are accompanied by a little picture of the video box and the price tag for each video.  So, if you always wanted to know what a videocassette of Angel, Dominque, The Day After, Exterminators of the Year 3000, or Cross Country would cost back in the day, here’s your answer.

Another neat touch is that nearly all the trailers have little intros by a suave-voiced Australian announcer accompanied by a cheesy onscreen title.  While some trailers are full length, many are severely truncated versions, about the length of a TV spot.  I kind of wish there had been a little more curation involved as there’s no real rhyme or reason to how the trailers are presented (although we do get a pair of Larry Cohen movies, Full Moon High and Q the Winged Serpent presented back to back), but then again, that’s how they usually appeared on those old VHS tapes, so it kind of makes sense.

Some of my favorites are for Breathless, Yor the Hunter from the Future, Caligula (“Is it art, or is it PORNOGRAPHY?”), An American Werewolf in London (which is much better than the ho-hum trailer featured on The New Batch), Alligator, Cujo (another trailer that’s better than the one found elsewhere on the disc), Inseminoid, Insatiable, When a Stranger Calls (which contains footage of audience reactions in the theater), and the Brooke Shields pinball movie, Tilt.  While I enjoyed this quite a bit, it’s easy to see why it was presented as a bonus feature and not given a separate release as it’s kind of all over the place, genre-wise.  Still, being the sucker for trailer compilations that I am, I had a lot of fun with it, and I look forward to checking out future VHS Delirium releases.

DRIVE-IN DELIRIUM: THE NEW BATCH (2018) *** ½

 

The Drive-In Delirium series is quickly becoming one of my favorite trailer compilation franchises of all time.  This third collection of previews only strengthens my convictions.  Fans of exploitation, sci-fi, and (especially) horror are guaranteed to love it. 

This time out, the running time clocks in at a whopping six hours and change.  That’s a little daunting for any jaded, dyed-in-the-wool trailer compilation fan.  However, if you break it up over a few evenings you’ll get the most mileage out of it.  It’s even split into two parts, “The Quickening” and “The Spawning”, which helps.

The Quickening is easily the weaker half.  Despite that, we still get a wealth of great trailers.  There are previews for movies starring Richard Jaeckel (The Green Slime, Chosen Survivors, The Dark), Martin Landau (Meteor, It Came Without Warning, They Call Me Mr. Tibbs), and Charles Bronson (The Stone Killer, 10 to Midnight, Death Wish 3, Death Hunt).  It’s just as fun though seeing trailers for obscure-o flicks like Swordkill, Savage Attraction, and Fair Game. 

Unfortunately, there are some ill-fitting trailers that seem like they came out of another collection.  The trailers for such highbrow entertainment as Gorky Park, Eyes of Laura Mars, and Last Tango in Paris feel especially out of place.  Plus, too many comedy trailers (The Pink Panther Strikes Again, High Anxiety, The Nude Bomb) kind of gum up the works as The Quickening is nearing its conclusion. 

Although things sort of putter out near the end of the first half, the intermission that bridges the two sections is a real humdinger.  It’s a ‘70s anti-smoking PSA starring none other than C-3PO and R2-D2!  After that, the compilation really hits its stride with “The Spawning” as it offers us wall-to-wall horror trailers.  There are slashers (The Prowler, Happy Birthday to Me, The Funhouse) sequels to several of the genre’s most famous franchises (Friday the 13^th, Poltergeist, The Amityville Horror), Stephen King (The Dead Zone, Firestarter, Pet Sematary), Dario Argento (The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, Deep Red, Phenomena), When Animal Attack flicks (Orca, Deadly Eyes, Razorback), and werewolf movies (Wolfen, An American Werewolf in London, The Howling). 

In fact, The Spawning is so strong that it could’ve been an outstanding standalone release.  It just goes to show Umbrella Entertainment’s dedication.  Most companies would’ve been content to give you one three-hour compilation and call it a day.  This one gives you two for the price of one.  At six hours, it was a given that some of the trailers would be a tad underwhelming.  Still, it’s well-worth picking up just for The Spawning alone.

NEUTRON, THE ATOMIC SUPERMAN VS. THE DEATH ROBOTS (1962) *** ½

 

Neutron, the Atomic Superman vs. the Death Robots.  Just say that title out loud.  Even if you aren’t totally addicted to Mexican Wrestling Movies like I am, I guarantee the poetry of that title alone is enough to bring a smile to your face. 

This is the sequel to the enormously entertaining Neutron, the Man in the Black Mask, and for my money, it’s even better.  I think it helped that the version of Death Robots I saw was dubbed, rather poorly, into English.  Because of that, when the masked mad scientist tells his helium-voiced dwarf assistant lines like “I need blood!  Blood!  Lots of blood!”, it gives the movie an added tinge of bizarreness. 

Yes, that masked madman, Dr. Caronte (Julio Aleman) is at it again.  Narrowly escaping certain death in the first film, he sets out on conquering the world by stealing the bodies of three noted scientists and using their brains to reformulate a neutron bomb.  Naturally, the only one who stands in his way is the black-masked crimefighter, Neutron (Wolf Ruvinskis).

This movie has it all.  Zombies, mad scientists, Mexican wrestlers, and gratuitous musical numbers.  Basically, anything you could possibly want from a ‘60s Lucha Libre flick.  I guess the one thing it doesn’t have is… you know, death robots.  Unless you count Caronte’s mindless zombies as “death robots”.  Or maybe the talking brains he keeps in his lab.  Regardless, it’s a blast from start to finish.

Once again, director Federico Curiel infuses the movie with a lot of atmosphere and style.  The sequence where Caronte’s zombies go out and attack innocent civilians is particularly well done.  He also gives us cool bits like Neutron pulling a Rick Dalton and using a flamethrower on a zombie, a surprising scene where a zombie self-destructs itself by ripping off its own head, and a fun sequence where a zombie dresses up like Neutron to foil the police. 

One could complain about the fact that Neutron doesn’t wrestle inside the squared circle, but his hand-to-hand bouts with Dr. Caronte in laboratories and dungeons pack a real punch, so it’s easily forgivable, to me anyway.  Or you could bitch that it has maybe two too many cheesy musical numbers.  Or the love triangle between Nora the nightclub singer (Rosita Arenas) and her three suitors (wait, would that make it a love rectangle?) kind of bogs things down.  All that doesn’t really amount to a hill of beans, because whenever Neutron is front and center beating the crap out of mush-faced zombies, Neutron, the Atomic Superman vs. the Death Robots is stellar south of the border entertainment.  

AKA:  Neutron vs. the Death Robots.  AKA:  Robots of Death.

HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS (1970) * ½

 

Here’s another archival review of an Al Adamson movie from my old site, originally posted on April 15, 2010.  (Tax Day.  Bummer.)

HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS  (1970)  * ½

A bunch of vampires attack a mess of people then the plot begins.  A team of astronauts travel to a prehistoric planet complete with different colored atmosphere and stock footage from other movies.  On their journey, the team finds feuding clans of cavemen; some of which happen to be vampires.  One hot cavegirl eventually makes friends with the astronauts and leads them to a pit of petroleum so they can gas up their rocket and go home.

So basically, it’s Dracula Meets Women of the Prehistoric Planet.

If Horror of the Blood Monsters doesn’t make one lick of sense, it’s because it was directed by Al (The Possession of Nurse Sherri) Adamson.  Actually, it was only partially directed by him since he just added new footage to a cheap-o Filipino caveman flick and tried to pass it off as the world’s first Sci-Fi Vampire Caveman Movie. 

If you haven’t already guessed, most of Horror of the Blood Monsters is just plain awful.  It does however have a couple moments that are so bad that they make you chuckle.  For example, one of the cavemen’s names is “Dookie”.  How funny is that?  You can also have fun spotting just how many movies get ripped off during the course of the film.  The color changing planet is kinda like the one from The Angry Red Planet; except there are more colors.  There’s also a couple who fuck with the help of a glowing machine that’s similar to the one in Barbarella.  What they have to do with the plot is anyone’s guess. 

The flick also has a couple of marginally well-done monsters too.  There are some big bug men that aren’t too shabby and the way they made the Bat People appear to fly was sorta clever.  The gore is pretty much non-existent but there are a couple of fairly decent arrow shots, including one to the head.  (All of this comes from the Filipino movie-within-a-movie by the way.)

Yeah, Horror of the Blood Monsters has some neat stuff sprinkled throughout.  The problem is that you have to sit through a LOT of boring shit to get to it.  On top of that, everyone in the cast is terrible.  The lone exception is an especially cranky looking John Carradine.  I wonder why he looks so pissed off in this movie.  Oh yeah, that’s right, he read the script.  Say what you will about Horror of the Blood Monsters though, it’s the best Sci-Fi Vampire Caveman Movie I’ve ever seen; so, it’s got that going for it.

AKA:  Blood Creatures from the Prehistoric Planet.  AKA:  Creatures of the Prehistoric Planet.  AKA:  Creatures of the Red Planet.  AKA:  Space Mission to the Lost Planet.  AKA:  Vampire Men of the Lost Planet.

How could I possibly follow up that fine bit of decade-old film criticism?  Okay, well, I guess I have to write SOMETHING.  So, here goes:

This was the tenth film on the Al Adamson box set.  It is the FIFTH one that has the word “Blood” or “Bloody” in the title, after Blood of Ghastly Horror, Blood of Dracula’s Castle, Hell’s Bloody Devils, and Five Bloody Graves.  The man obviously had a limited word bank when it came to titles, but that’s just one of the reasons why old Al is such an icon around these parts:  The man knew what the audience wanted to see, and they wanted BLOOD.  In fact, this won’t be the last Adamson movie with the word “Blood” in the title on this box set.  That distinction belongs to Brain of Blood, which I should be watching very soon.

I like the random opening with vampires sporting phony fangs (including Adamson himself) stalking unsuspecting victims.  The narration tries to tie it together with the space exploration plot and does it so poorly that it almost feels like you’re watching an anthology.  The spaceship scenes are slightly worse, but still sort of watchable in a “I can’t believe they’re making a ‘50s Sci-Fi movie in the ‘70s” way.  The longest part is the middle section where the astronauts walk along the planet’s surface and watch a bunch of tinted footage from a Filipino caveman flick.  

I’m not much of the fan of the space-set scenes, although I kind of love seeing an extremely crotchety John Carradine barking orders, acting annoyed, and generally being a big whiny ass grouch.  You take what you can get when you’ve sat through ten bad Al Adamson movies in two weeks. 

Speaking of which, I wonder if anyone’s noticed the way I compliment Adamson’s cut-and-paste directorial style of taking old material and incorporating new material to make a new product by cutting and pasting together new reviews from the scraps of my old ones?  Probably not.  Then again, what better way to honor a director who made a career off repackaged movies than with a bunch of repackaged reviews?

NEUTRON, THE MAN IN THE BLACK MASK (1962) ***

 

Wolf Ruvinskis stars in the first of five movies as Neutron, the Man in the Black Mask.  Unlike his Lucha Libre counterparts like El Santo, Blue Demon, and Hurricane Ramirez, Neutron doesn’t wrestle in the ring.  While I was at first a bit dismayed by the fact we weren’t going to see Neutron strutting his stuff in the ring, the film as a whole is so entertaining and fast-moving that it becomes a relatively minor quibble in the long run. 

A brilliant scientist creates a neutron bomb that will turn human beings to dust.  When his unscrupulous assistant, Dr. Walker (Claudio Brook) tries to murder him and steal the discovery for himself, the bomb is detonated, leaving Walker hideously scarred.  Another scientist is working on a similar project, and Walker teams up with a masked mad doctor named Dr. Caronte (Julio Aleman) to steal the formula and replicate the experiment.  It’s then up to Neutron (no relation to the bomb that’s so hotly sought after), the mysterious masked man to foil the evildoers’ plans. 

Even though there isn’t any professional wrestling to be had in Neutron, the Man in the Black Mask, our hero still finds time to body slam and suplex a bunch of bad guys and monsters outside the ring in places like living rooms and mad scientist labs, so it’s all good.  Unlike, say, El Santo, Neutron is leaner, faster, and lighter on his feet, which gives him his own unique fighting style.  You do have to wait a good half hour or so before Neutron arrives on the scene, which is a bit weird.  However, there’s enough scenes of mad scientists, dwarf assistants, zombies, and Mexican rock n’ roll to keep you entertained until he finally shows up.

The credit must be given to director Federico Curiel, who does a fantastic job creating a creepy atmosphere, especially during the laboratory and castle scenes.  The scene where Caronte first displays his zombie army is particularly well done.  Incredibly enough, this was his first film as a director and he already shows complete command over his craft.  He would later go on to direct many El Santo, Black Whip, and Nostradamus movies, but this is the one that started it all.

AKA:  Neutron and the Black Mask.  AKA:  Neutron, the Atomic Superman and the Black Mask.  AKA:  Neutron, the Black Mask.  AKA:  Neutron vs. the Black Mask.

SATANWAR (1979) *** ½

 

What do Paranormal Activity, The Amityville Horror, Poltergeist, and The Entity have in common?  They all ripped off Satanwar to some degree.  What?  You never heard of Satanwar?  Well, let’s remedy that!

After a lot of Dragnet-style narration (you know, the whole “The names have been changed to protect the innocent” spiel and all that), a couple moves into their new house.  It doesn’t take long to discover it’s more like a nightmare.  The cross on the wall keeps turning upside down, chairs move on their own, bright lights appear out of nowhere, and slime and goo drips out of the major appliances.  Since the headstrong couple just paid for the house, they decide they’re not going to leave it.  They still stay put even after Louise (Sally Schermerhorn) is groped by a ghost!  They do have a heart to heart talk about the situation though, which leads to her hubby Bill (Jimmy Drankovitch) telling Louise, “If he tries it again, tell that ghost that rape, sex, and molestation is my department!”

Satanwar is a scrappy, no-budget horror flick that will have your jaw dropping more often than not.  It’s not exactly well made, but it’s certainly entertaining as hell.  The opening scenes kind of have a Charles B. Pierce feel to them as both the narrator and Louise take turns dictating to the audience.  The supernatural shenanigans scenes are admittedly cheesy, and the special effects are lame.  However, the grimy film stock, coupled with director Bart La Rue’s off-kilter direction makes it all unforgettable.  The synthesizer score is genuinely effective too, which adds to the overall uneasy feel of the attack scenes.

Although the climactic finale occurs at the hour mark, the movie isn’t quite over.  It presses on with a faux-Mondo Cane-type expose on voodoo priestesses.  After they writhe around a campfire for fifteen minutes or so, the film finally wraps up.  While Satanwar kind of loses steam during this stretch, it’s still totally worth it just for the complete randomness of it all.  I don’t know if La Rue was like, “Oh crap, the movie’s only an hour long!  Let’s tack some bullshit at the end!”, but it still sort of works. 

In short, Satanwar is breezy, cheesy, WTF fun.