MITCH GOES APE ON THE DTVC PODCAST

I was fortunate to once again appear on the DTVC Podcast with our good friend Matt.  On this episode we got to talk about the wonderfully WTF kids movie, The Rare Blue Apes of Cannibal Isle.  Give it a listen here:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dtvc-podcast-221-the-rare-blue-apes-of-cannibal-isle/id903755371?i=1000719723892 

PULSATING FLESH (1986) **

Peter Longfellow (Ray Hardin) has the curious problem of getting his girlfriends pregnant every time they make love.  He then decides to earn a little extra money from his predicament by offering his services to couples and wealthy women who are looking to conceive.  A lesbian couple hear about Peter’s exploits on television and decide to enlist in his services. 

Directed by Carlos (Marilyn and the Senator) Tobalina, Pulsating Flesh uses a plot device of having Peter appear on a talk show and relating his experiences to the host in the form of “clips” he has prepared.  Naturally, the host (Tamara Longley, a blonde who wears a belly chain and has a tattoo on her butt) asks for a demonstration on live TV and he is only happy to give it to her.  (If you know what I mean.) 

For variety’s sake, we also get to see the lesbian couple watching the action unfold on TV who get so turned on by watching Peter do his thing that they decide to boink each other on a waterbed.  Even though these two plot lines eventually intersect in the finale, the lesbian scenes aren’t very hot and feel more like filler than anything else.  Also disappointing is the fact that they bring out two strap-ons early on but never seem to figure out how to use them.  You’ve heard of Chekhov’s Gun?  Well, that applies to strap-on dildos as well. 

The camerawork is sloppy and despite a solid enough premise, the sex/impregnation scenes themselves are curiously flat.  It’s also kind of hard to believe that Peter is able to get so many women pregnant when he’s always pulling out and cumming on their bellies.  Then again, believability isn’t something you have come to expect from a Carlos Tobalina film.  The cutting back and forth from the talk show to the lesbians’ bedroom antics is really herky-jerky too and winds up making the movie feel much longer than it really is.  The lame comic relief sound effects when the guys ejaculate don’t really do anything to enhance the mood either. 

Harry Reems gets top billing but is in only one scene as a horny milkman who spies on our hero banging two “bisexual teenagers” (they look like they’re in their ‘30s) and eventually joins in on the fun. 

A SMELL OF HONEY A SWALLOW OF BRINE (1966) ***

Stacey Walker is simply dynamite in this notorious roughie from director Byron (Space Thing) Mabe and producer David F. (Blood Feast) Friedman.  Walker only had one other feature to her credit and it’s a shame she didn’t make more movies because she is far and away the best thing about the film. 

Walker plays Sharon Winters, a woman who in less enlightened times would be referred to as a “tease”.  She leads men on and just as they are about to do the deed, she cries rape.  She even gets one boyfriend sent to jail on sexual assault charges.  Sharon then sets her sights on a handsome new coworker who is driven crazy thanks to her teasing.  Eventually, she meets a smooth nightclub singer (Bob Todd) who just might be her match. 

Walker gives us a definitive portrayal of a maneater.  She is sexy, surly, cold, cruel, calculating, and her performance is nothing short of riveting.  She gets several nude scenes throughout the picture, whether it’s during sex, taking a bath, conspicuously getting naked to turn on her potential suitors, or appearing in their bondage fantasies.  (She is shown as both the aggressive dominatrix and the helpless submissive and either way you look at her, she looks equally hot.)

The highlight is when Sharon welcomes the advances of her lesbian roommate Paula (Sharon Carr) and allows her to give her a sensual massage but kicks her out of bed right before things get too hot and heavy.  As she leaves, Sharon scolds, “Paula, I may be a bitch, but I’ll never be a butch!”  If that sounds familiar to you, it’s because this snippet has been used by Something Weird in their DVD intros for decades.  No matter how many times you see this moment, it still packs a punch.

Today’s viewers will probably label the film “problematic” and it kind of is, but that’s what makes it work.  The movie’s messy morality (along with Walker’s performance) helps set it apart from the countless other roughies made at the same time.  Todd’s number, “I Want a Woman” is a legitimate toe-tapper too and it will get stuck in your head for days.  The cinematography by Laszlo Kovacs is also excellent, even if the print is a little jumpy. 

Mabe and Friedman’s next collaboration was She Freak. 

M3GAN 2.0 (2025) ***

M3GAN was a certified instant classic.  The question is, what do you do for an encore?  Writer/director Gerard Johnstone’s motto seems to be bigger is better.  While the final result might not be “better”, it’s amusing to see the lengths he will go to just to entertain an audience, even if he isn’t always successful. 

Two years have passed since the killer robot M3GAN tried to kill her creator Gemma (Allison Williams) and her niece Cady (Violet McGraw).  When Amelia (Ivanna Sakhno), an AI powered government assassin goes rogue, she sets her sights on crippling the country’s infrastructure.  It’s then up to Gemma to reboot M3GAN to fight Amelia.  The question is, can she be trusted?

The original was a fun horror flick, and this sequel is like a complete 180 as it’s more of a Sci-Fi action comedy.  The early nod to Steven Seagal is the tip-off that there’s going to be more wrist-snapping and shootouts than stabbing and decapitations.  The film is also set in the T2 mold where the robot villain from the first movie makes a pact to not kill anyone and protect the heroes.  I mean, it’s like I always say:  If you’ve got to steal from somebody, steal from the best.  (I also liked the visual nod to Metropolis.)

The big drawback this time out isn’t necessarily the shift in tone, but rather the sheer length.  It clocks in at two hours, which is about a half-hour longer than it really needed to be.  It’s got a lot of nifty ideas, but Johnston could’ve easily streamlined this thing down a bit.  The long winded exposition scenes could’ve been edited out completely and the first act in particular drags. 

Then again, when the film hits its stride, it’s entertaining as hell.  It’s messy and uneven, but it also contains some big laughs.  It’s brimming with invention and most importantly, fun.  M3GAN sings.  She dances.  She kicks ass.  She may not kill in this one, but she does fly, so there is that.  And when M3GAN flies, so does the human spirit. 

ARREBATO (1979) **

A junkie horror film director named Jose (Eusebio Poncela) meets his girlfriend’s eccentric cousin Pedro (Will More) who obsessively films everything.  He also sends Jose bizarre audio tapes, which makes it sound like he’s slowly going crazy.  He then begins to think back to the first time he met Pedro and became fascinated by his experimental and offbeat films.  When Pedro mysteriously disappears, Jose watches his last film hoping to get a clue to what happened. 

Pedro’s ultimate goal is to send the viewer into “rapture” by showing them seemingly unconnected images that have been sped up and slowed down.  Well, while you watch Arrebato (which is Spanish for “Rapture”), you will probably feel anything but rapturous.  Even though there is a kernel of an interesting story here, it never really pops.  Long portions of the flick play like a hangout movie as the director and his girlfriend laze about getting stoned and listening to Pedro’s tapes.  While the ending is OK, it’s a long time coming and the nearly two hour running time doesn’t help matters either. 

Although I watched this on Shudder, it isn’t really a horror movie as it is more about obsession.  Jose’s black and white film-within-a-film that is seen early on is extremely atmospheric as it looks like a silent movie directed by Rob Zombie.  It’s a shame that kind of vibe didn’t carry over into the rest of the movie.  Some of Pedro’s offbeat films (which take up more screen time than necessary) are sort of interesting, but they become monotonous after a while. 

The film slides back and forth between timelines, characters, and “reel” and “real” life quite often.  The goal was to create the hallucinatory sensations Pedro felt while he was in the depths of his madness.  It’s only intermittently successful.  While it might’ve worked as a short, director Ivan Zulueta just can’t sustain the spell for the entire running time. 

The weirdo Pedro gets the best line of the movie when he says, “My whole life was like one big wank without coming!”

AKA:  Rapture.

SINNERS (2025) **

Michael B. Jordan and Michael B. Jordan star as twin bootleggers who return to their hometown in the ‘30s to open a juke joint.  Opening night is marred however when a trio of vampires show up looking to put the bite on the revelers. 

Directed by Ryan (Creed) Coogler, Sinners is a period horror movie where the horror almost feels like an afterthought.  (It turns on its heels from crime drama to vampire flick just like From Dusk Till Dawn.)  Since the horror elements don’t really come into play until the film is halfway over, much of the focus is on the pair of brothers trying to give something back to their community.  That’s admirable, but it is liable to disappoint anyone expecting a balls-out horror flick. 

The idea of Jordan playing twins is intriguing, but there little here other than their wardrobe to differentiate their characters.  (One wears a red hat and the other wears a blue.)  Also, some of the greenscreen stuff where the brothers appear alongside each other looks a little wonky in more than a few scenes. 

Speaking of wonky, there’s a really baffling scene about halfway through that pretty much stops the movie on a dime.  As the patrons of the juke joint are dancing to blues music, the camera swirls around the dancefloor when out of nowhere, we see anachronistic DJs spinning records, 21st century fly girls twerking, and African tribal dancers running around the place.  This scene is painfully on the nose as Coogler is hammering home the fact that rap music comes from the blues.  It’s a real head scratcher to be sure.  I mean it’s almost like some live-action Schoolhouse Rock shit.  Or maybe a bad Disneyland ride.  (Or worse, EPCOT.)  It’s a particularly weird choice, especially in what is meant to be a horror movie.  Conversely, there is no such visual extravagance when it comes time for the vampires’ Irish folk dance sequence.  (Yes, you read that right.)

As a horror show, it’s lukewarm at best.  Too much of the movie is spent on the old “vampires have to be invited in” trope and not enough on the bloodsucking.  The idea that the (lily white) head vampire wants the (black) blues’ player’s songs makes this an obvious statement about cultural appropriation, but it would’ve been better served had Coogler not went overboard and made the subtext text. 

I’m certainly glad Coogler tried to do something different this time out and got to stretch his muscles outside of franchise movies.  Sometimes big swings like this don’t exactly pay off.  Then again, it was a big hit (though I’m kind of perplexed why), so what do I know? 

Delroy Lindo gives the best performance as a down on his luck harmonica player who gets the best line of the movie when he says, “White folks like the blues just fine, they just don’t like the people that make it!”

DEN OF THIEVES: PANTERA (2025) **

Gerard Butler returns as “Big Nick”, who is still on the trail of thief Donnie (O’Shea Jackson Jr.).  He follows him all the way to Europe where he and a new crew are planning to rob the World Diamond Authority.  The surprise is he doesn’t want to bust Donnie.  Big Nick wants to join his team and get a piece of the action. 

This sequel swaps out money for diamonds and L.A. for Europe.  Whereas the inspiration for the original was Heat, this one seems to be a riff on another Robert De Niro actioner, Ronin.  (Jackson’s team even uses the word “Ronin” as a call sign during a heist early on in the movie.)  There’s also a little bit of an inverse X-Men 2 thing going on where the hero teams up with the villain. 

Director Christian Gudegast (who also helmed the original) delivers a slick looking picture, but there’s just not a whole lot going on under its glossy veneer.  What’s worse is that it moves slowly and sluggishly.  I enjoyed the first movie, even though I felt it was unnecessarily long.  This one is even longer, clocking in at a whopping two and a half hours.  The set-up for the heist is needlessly meticulous (almost to the point of being OCD) and some of the suspense sequences never quite pop.  (One heist scene feels like an extreme version of the schoolyard game, Red Light, Green Light.)  Also, the additional character moments don’t really add anything to the mix and only contribute to the film’s already bloated running time. 

The big issue though is that Donnie seems to bring Big Nick into his fold way too easily.  I guess if he didn’t, we wouldn’t have a movie.  That said, you never quite buy Big Nick’s heel turn, which predictably results in his Point Break-style morality crisis later in the film. 

With macho bluster to spare, Butler remains entertaining to watch.  Whether shaking down crooks or dancing on ecstasy or biting into shawarma, he provides the movie with a shot in the arm whenever it begins to flag.  Unfortunately, these brief flashes are the only times when Pantera rocks. 

AKA:  Criminal Squad 2.  AKA:  Criminal Squad:  Pantera.  AKA:  Den of Thieves 2:  Pantera.