SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 SAMURAI (2024) ***

No matter what you think of The Asylum and their never-ending line of low budget “mockbusters”, you’ve got to hand it to them for creating one of the best titles of all time with Snow White and the 7 Samurai.  Surprisingly enough, the movie almost lives up to its awesome title.  Almost. 

Not even a minute into the movie we learn why Anya (Fiona Dorn) is nicknamed Snow White as she’s “heir to her daddy’s cocaine empire!”  And get this:  Her drug-dealing daddy is played by none other than Eric Roberts.  Naturally, Roberts gets killed off in record time and leaves his fortune to Snow White.  Her wicked stepmother (Gina Vitori) despises the fact she wants to make the family business legitimate and hires “The Hooded Man” (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson) to snuff her out.  Snow White survives and is nursed back to health by seven sexy samurai women who fight corruption and injustice.  It doesn’t take long for the feisty Anya to join their ranks and together, they set out to stop her wicked stepmother once and for all. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take seven sexy samurai women over seven dwarf miners any day. 

Yes, this movie could’ve skated by on the ingenious title alone, but credit goes to the filmmakers for actually sneaking a decent female-driven action flick in there too.  The real surprise is that the action is well-choreographed, and the fight scenes are a lot of fun.  (I think my favorite scene was the fun training sequence where Snow White learns various fighting techniques from each of the samurai women.)  Vitori is especially intimidating as the wicked stepmother who can throw down with the best of them.  Sunny Tellone who plays Luna, the leader of the samurai, is equally impressive as she can spin a mean Bo staff and kick lots of ass.  Dorn is a credible action lead in her own right and carries the film gamely enough.  She certainly doesn’t need any Prince Charming to help her out of danger.  

It’s always entertaining seeing Roberts in something like this, even if his role is limited.  His appearance may lead you to believe it’s going to be another grade Z effort, but it’s better than you’d expect, all things considered (even if it starts to run out of steam by the final reel).  Jackson also brings an air of menace to what’s essentially a thankless henchmen role (he’s basically the Huntsman character).  It was also nice to see Skinamax stalwart, Robert Donavan popping up as the family’s lawyer.  

SERENITY (2019) ** ½

When this came out a few years back, the word on it was toxic.  A lot of people were saying it was one of the “worst movies of the year”.  Heck, there were even a couple who were tossing out a lot of “one of the worst movies of all time” talk.  Bad movies are my specialty, so naturally this has been sitting in my queue for a while.  It just took a while to get to it.  

Matthew McConaughey stars as a surly boat captain who’s obsessed with hooking a big fish.  His meager existence is shaken up when his ex-wife (Anne Hathaway) arrives on the scene offering him a proposition:  Kill her loutish rich hubby (Jason Clarke) and walk away with a cool $10 million.  He soon learns it isn’t that simple. 

The set-up is promising and ripe with film noir possibilities.  The small fishing village where everybody knows everything about everyone is an ideal location for such shenanigans too.  Like many film noirs before it, there is a big twist, and I assume it was the twist that got everybody’s panties in a bunch.  It’s the kind of thing where either you go with it, or you don’t.  I can understand why some people wouldn’t take to it as it comes out of left field (even though there are several instances of foreshadowing leading up to the big reveal).  I guess people that hate the twist hate the film on general principles.  However, hating the entire thing just because of the twist is dismissive to the solid first hour or so that precedes it. 

The cast is fine, with McConaughey in particular being outstanding as the drunken, hopeless fisherman.  Hathaway is also very good as the battered wife and Clarke is despicable as her abusive husband.  We also have strong supporting turns by Djimon Hounsou as McConaughey’s loyal first mate and Diane Lane as a local woman McConaughey provides stud service to. 

So, does the twist work?  Not really.  It’s not that it’s “bad”, it just comes off a bit goofy.  I was going to break it down in depth in this review, but I decided against it since it’s such a weird twist that you’re better off seeing it for yourself and drawing your own conclusions.  

Overall, Serenity isn’t deserving of its reputation but it’s not exactly a misunderstood classic either.  Without the twist, it would’ve been a good but forgettable thriller.  With the twist it’s odd and ultimately unsuccessful one, but it remains an unforgettable slice of WTF cinema.  Honestly, I think I’d prefer the latter. 

FOXTRAP (1986) ** ½

Fred Williamson is a cop named Fox who is hired by the slimy J.T. (Chris Connelly) to go to Europe and bring back his niece Susan (Donna Owen).  His search begins in Cannes and when the trail goes cold, it’s off to Rome where he finds her acting as a kept woman for Marco (Maurizio Bonuglia), a standard issue sleazy underworld type.  Not long after he brings her home seemingly safe and sound, he slowly begins to suspect he’s been playing for the wrong side, so Fox sets out to make things right. 

Foxtrap is very similar to the other cop action flicks Williamson was churning out in Italy throughout the ‘80s.  Most of the running time is devoted to Williamson strutting around smoking a stogie while occasionally kicking the crap out of hired henchmen.  These sequences aren’t staged particularly well, but they get the job done for the most part. 

I did enjoy the scene where Fred hangs out at the Cannes Film Festival where posters for Witness, Cocoon, and Death Wish 3 are prominently displayed.  It looks like one of those Joe Spinell/Fanatic type deals where he was already at the film festival, so why not film a movie?  Too bad more of the flick didn’t take place there. 

Fred is cool as always, but it’s Cleo Sebastian who steals the movie as Josie, Williamson’s girlfriend’s gay roommate who can kick ass when he has to.  He even briefly joins Williamson on his quest for revenge and uses a fighting technique that can only be described as Ballet Fu.  Little touches like this help to differentiate Foxtrap from Williamson’s other actioners of the era (like the interchangeable Black Cobra series) and gives the film a little bit of personality.  Lela Rochon also pops up in an early role as Connelly’s moll. 

Despite being a quirky effort for Fred, Foxtrap kind of runs out of steam before it crosses the finish line.  The finale is underwhelming too, and it features a lot of scenes of clearly empty cardboard boxes getting shot up.  All that aside, it’s an agreeable enough actioner for fans of Williamson. 

MADAME O (1970) ****

When she was just a teenager, Saeko (Michiko Sakyo) was gang raped on the beach.  Not only did she become pregnant after the traumatic incident, but she also contracted syphilis from her attackers.  Saeko grows up to be a respected doctor and obstetrician who by night goes out on the prowl, picks up men, and injects them with VD.  Eventually, Saeko finds herself catching feelings for a kind colleague who dotes on her.  Complications soon arise when an infected conquest shows up looking to blackmail her. 

Madame O hits like a sucker punch to the gut.  It’s exactly the kind of exploitation flick I love.  It’s a dark, depraved, and twisted thriller that features a great blend of muddy morality and sweet revenge combined with simple but effective plot twists and memorable characters.  Trust me, you’ll be thinking about this flick days after you see it.

Sayko is incredible as our sadistic heroine.  Even when she is ruining the lives of innocent men, you can’t help but feel for her and root her on in her quest for revenge.  Her hateful and bitter narration further endears her to the audience, even in the face of her questionable exploits. 

It’s mostly in black and white, but there are a few scenes that are in color, including a real birth of a baby sequence (!!!), Saeko’s first orgasm, and the gruesome part where she dismembers a corpse.  The gnarliest scene though occurs when she discovers she’s pregnant and performs an abortion… on herself!  While nothing particularly graphic is shown, those close-ups of her toes curling in the stirrups really pack a punch.  I can only imagine the reactions this received on its original release.  Heck, even by today’s standards, it’s a hard-hitting flick.  If you’re a fan of brutal revenge movies then by all means check out Madame O PDQ. 

AKA:  Vicious Doctor Part 2.  

FIRST MAN (2018) ****

First Man follows the exploits of astronaut Neil Armstrong (Ryan Gosling) as he overcomes personal tragedy to become the first man to walk on the moon.  After the death of his young daughter, he throws himself into his work, test piloting for the Gemini and Apollo space missions.  Through that, he tries to balance his personal life with his long-suffering wife (Claire Foy) who stands by her man, even though the pressures of his job and his emotionally distant demeanor cause them to quarrel. 

Gosling is excellent as Armstrong.  He plays Neil as tight-lipped, and not very good when it comes to talking about his feelings.  His determination and drive make him compelling, and when he does let his guard down a little, it really registers.  Foy is Gosling’s match as his dutiful wife who also buttons down her emotions because it’s expected of her.  That doesn’t mean she isn’t afraid to speak up and take Neil to school when she’s fed up with his shit. 

Director Damien Chazelle uses a mostly handheld style with a film stock that’s bathed in heavy grain, which gives the movie a documentary feel.  It often looks like you’re watching something from that era and not a biopic from the 21st century.  Having actors like Kyle Chandler and Jason Clarke, who look like they stepped out of a ‘60s time capsule, also helps set the mood. 

Speaking of capsules, the space exploration scenes are downright harrowing too.  Most movies about space show the rockets lifting off from the outside, but for much of the film, Chazelle keeps the camera firmly inside the capsule so you can experience what Armstrong and the other astronauts felt on takeoff.  (The standard majestic lift-off scene is saved for the fateful Apollo 11 mission.)  The camerawork is cramped and claustrophobic inside the cockpit and the whole thing feels like it could shake apart at any second.  (I especially liked the close-ups of various bolts and screws inside the cockpit which showcase all the ways it could potentially go to pieces.)  You don’t feel a sense of awe during these sequences, but rather a sense of, “oh shit”.

First Man reunites Gosling and Chazelle who had previously collaborated on La La Land.  I wasn’t a fan of that flick, but I found this one to be genuinely moving and gripping throughout.  The moonwalk scene is quite thrilling too, even when you already know the outcome. 

Overall, you’re bound to enjoy First Man to the moon and back. 

DEVO (2025) *** ½

I saw Devo live for the first time this summer and it was one of the best concerts I had ever seen.  I had been a casual fan before, but I did a deep dive into them afterwards and found their entire discography to be pretty awesome.  Now, in a case of perfect timing, comes the Devo documentary.  If you’re already a die-hard fan, this will be a nice walk down memory lane.  If you’re just a casual fan that only knows them from “Whip It”, you will get an eye-opening look at what they’re all about. 

The film gives us a concise history of the band’s formation (at Kent State at the same time of the tragic National Guard shooting that left four students dead) and how their music began as an extension of Devo’s theory of “de-evolution”.  (The band’s belief that humans are in a perpetual state of regression.)  The addition of music videos (years before the advent of MTV) added an important visual component to the music and the message and helped propel them into cult status. 

The interviews with band members Mark Mothersbaugh and Gerald Casale are enlightening and entertaining, even if you’re already familiar with some of their lore and philosophy.  The wealth of footage from their early years (including the band’s very first concert) and fun use of clips from old industrial shorts and horror movies (especially Island of Lost Souls, from which they gained a lot of inspiration) that informed the band’s outlook also makes it highly recommended. 

If there is a flaw it’s that it follows the generic documentary format that several other rock docs have used.  The rags to riches to rags motif doesn’t really ring true, especially when the band is still putting out new music and touring fifty years on.  Still, there’s plenty of great clips and awesome songs along the way, and that alone makes it one of the best documentaries of the year. 

NOBODY 2 (2025) *** ½

Bob Odenkirk returns as the ass-kicking family man Hutch in this energetic, entertaining, and fun sequel.  This time out, Hutch’s job as an assassin is kind of wearing him down and starting to cut into his family time.  He decides to put killing on hold and take his wife (Connie Nielsen) and the kids to a water park in a rustic resort town.  He soon learns the place is ran by a crooked sheriff (Colin Hanks) who is in cahoots with a crazy kingpin (Sharon Stone).  Hutch naturally just wants to be left alone, but old habits die hard and with some help from his dad (Christopher Lloyd) and brother (RZA), he sets out to burn her operation to the ground. 

While it isn’t quite in the same league as the original, Nobody 2 is a sharp, fast moving, and bloody good time.  The film’s dark sense of humor and Odenkirk’s Everyman appeal are its chief assets.  It often plays like a cross between John Wick and National Lampoon’s Vacation and the way Odenkirk tries to calmly avoid confrontation only to plunge headlong into gratuitous violence is often very funny. 

Director Timo (The Night Comes for Us) Tjahjanto delivers plenty of memorable action sequences along the way.  The scene where Odenkirk beats up a bunch of arcade bullies is a blast.  I especially liked the way he incorporated his surroundings during the action as he smashes one guy’s head with a Whack-A-Mole mallet and tosses another into a claw machine.  The amusement park finale where Bob and the gang turn ball pits, funhouses, and waterslides into death traps ends the flick on a high note and is one of the best action sequences of the year. 

Odenkirk once again delivers a strong performance and has a lot of chemistry with Nielsen.  Hanks does a surprisingly good job cast against type as the scummy sheriff.  It’s Stone though who steals the movie as the sexy kingpin.  She’s clearly having a blast, and you’ll probably have nearly as much fun as she does.