SEXCULA (1974) ***

A female Frankenstein creates a man (naturally named “Frankie”) in her mad scientist lab.  The first order of business is to suck his dick.  When she realizes he can’t get it up, she calls on her vampire cousin Count Sexcula to teach him the art of lovemaking.  When that fails, she goes out to collect “sex cells” from her various conquests to transplant into Frankie’s body. 

This is one wacky horror themed porno comedy.  If you’re hoping for a straight-up horror skin flick you may be a tad disappointed by the film’s “everything but the kitchen sink” approach.  However, the humor lands more often than not.  There’s some truly funny dialogue too (“The stories of this place would curl your pubes!”), and some of the sex scenes are surprisingly kinda hot. 

The film takes advantage of the monster motif for most of the running time.  The doctor has a sexy robot love slave who communicates telepathically, there’s a horny hunchback assistant, and a gorilla who forces himself on strippers.  Most of this is pretty amusing too.  Heck, even the sex scenes that don’t feature monster-centric action still manage to be rather entertaining.  The highlight is the porno-within-a-porno about a couple who can’t wait for their vows to be exchanged to celebrate their wedding night and begin boinking at the altar while priest is in the middle of the ceremony!  Here comes the bride indeed!

I’m not saying all the sex scenes are winners.  The lesbian lovemaking session during a claustrophobic coach ride goes on far too long and the ending suffers from too much cutting back and forth between the various couples.  The wraparound scenes of a couple exploring Frankenstein’s castle just sort of feel like filler too.  That said, there is plenty of fun to be had here.  A few wonky bits aside, I can assuredly say that Sexcula doesn’t suck. 

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