SHAOLIN QUICK DRAW (1987) **

Like most Joseph Lai productions, this is just two films edited into one.  He took an old movie (Fury of Storm) and added new unrelated footage of Richard Harrison and Stuart Smith as warring Ninjas.  The new stuff is rather hilarious too.  It’s so funny that it makes you wish Lai had gotten rid of Fury of Storm completely and made a flick entirely about Harrison and Smith.

Most of the movie revolves around a guy named Antonio.  We first see him dressed as a priest and dragging an enormous cross along a railroad track.  The train stops for him, but it’s all just a diversion so his buddies can steal a golden statue.  Antonio’s crooked cohorts double-cross him and leave him for dead.  Luckily for him, a Kung Fu expert named Dragon comes along and nurses Antonio back to health, setting the stage for him to try to recover the gold.

The footage from Fury in Storm is ho-hum at best.  Then again, it’s hard to tell, thanks to the haphazard way Lai re-edited it.  The back and forth between Antonio and Dragon is uninvolving, but there’s still enough action here to keep you marginally invested.  Unfortunately, there’s too much of this crap and not enough of Joseph Lai’s nutty Ninja inserts.

The opening is priceless.  Smith gets out of jail and is met by two disciples who kneel before him begging for forgiveness.

Smith:  How many of you are left? 

Ninja #1:  Just us.  

Smith:  Shit!  

Harrison is awkwardly edited in about a half hour into the picture, minus his trademark moustache and wearing a red bandana that says “Ninja” on it.  That is to say, he looks awesome.  He warns Antonio of the Ninjas and… That’s it!  That’s the last we see of him or Smith, for that matter.  Their appearances are fleeting, but thank goodness they were there because without them, Shaolin Quick Draw would’ve been totally forgettable.

AKA:  Ninja Avengers.  AKA:  Ninja Operation 6:  Champion on Fire.  AKA:  Ninja:  Champion on Fire.