THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (1984) **

The stars of Hercules, Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning once again teamed up for another sword and sorcery epic.  This time, it’s a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s The Seven Samurai.  You might think it’s weird that Italian hackmeisters Bruno Mattei and Claudio Fragasso were doing their version of a Kurosawa movie, but it’s not so odd when you consider that the Roger Corman-produced Warrior and the Sorceress, a sword and sorcery remake of Yojimbo, was released the same year.  Sadly, it’s not nearly as much fun as Hercules.  It’s no Warrior and the Sorceress either.

So, there’s this asshole who goes running around slaughtering villagers and robbing them blind.  He decides to take a break from all the pillaging, but vows to return and steal what little of the village is still up for grabs.  Luckily for them, the villagers have this sword that will choose the right man to protect the town.  However, if you aren’t the right guy, the sword will fry your hand.  Naturally, Lou Ferrigno holds the sword with no problem and he gets Sybil Danning and five other friends to help the villagers fight the bad guy.

The Seven Magnificent Gladiators plays like a cross between an Italian peplum adventure from the ‘60s and an American sword and sorcery epic from the ‘80s.  It’s not bad or anything, but it’s not exactly a sterling example of the genre.  Much of the entertainment value comes from the awful dubbing of Ferrigno (which adds to the ‘60s peplum feel immensely) and the badass performance by the scantily clad Danning.  (This was her second Seven Samurai remake after Battle Beyond the Stars.)

There is a chariot race scene early on that's edited and photographed so poorly that it plays like a blueprint for a 21st century action sequence.  The incoherent editing and the shoddy camerawork are enough to give you a headache.  Thank goodness, the action gets better as it goes along as Mattei and Fragasso handle all the sword fights and fight scenes in a more competent manner.