SWORN TO JUSTICE (2001) ** ½

Cynthia Rothrock (in a spunky, likeable performance) comes home to find her sister and nephew murdered by burglars.  She tries to fight off the intruders, hits her head, and winds up getting… amnesia?  NOPE!  An ordinary movie would use this plot device.  Sworn to Justice is no ordinary movie.  No, she actually hits her head and winds up with… are you ready for this?  

ESP!!!

She then uses her new gifts to find her family’s killers.  In the meantime, she dons a dark hoodie and goes around like a pint-sized Punisher, beating up the various thieves, gang members, and criminals that terrorize the city.  Eventually, her quest leads her to a ring of car thieves who have been working with the help of a crooked cop (God Told Me To’s Tony Lo Bianco, who acts like Ben Gazzara).

Sworn to Justice is goofy as fuck.  It suffers from an uneven tone, but then again, that’s where many of the (unintentional) laughs come from.  In one scene, Cynthia is mourning the death of her loved ones, and in the next, she’s getting into a goofy fight scene that’s so corny and cartoonish that it would embarrass Jackie Chan.  (There are birdie sound effects when she punches a guy.)

The supporting cast is fun.  We have Star Trek’s Walter Koenig who sports a terrible accent as Rothrock’s mentor.  No Retreat, No Surrender’s Kurt McKinney also turns up as Rothrock’s love interest.  Their Kung Fu courtship scene is downright nutty and predates the similar scene in Daredevil by a few years.  Then there’s the one and only Mako as a blind newspaper vendor who dispenses life-changing wisdom.  Just when you think it can’t get any better, Brad Dourif shows up for an extended cameo (acting over the top as usual) as one of Cynthia’s attackers.

Parts of this seem like it was edited with a machete and then put together with duct tape.  Some of the fight scenes are too dark to see anything clearly too.  If you can get past that, you’re sure to agree there’s an undeniably quirky charm about the whole thing that helps keeps it afloat.  I can’t quite call it a “good” movie, but there’s enough oddball touches here to make it memorable.  I’m thinking specifically of when Cynthia blows up the bad guy’s brother and he keeps the charred corpse around for sentimental purposes.  I mean, doesn’t that alone kind of make you want to see it?  

AKA:  Female Justice.