MACABRE LEGENDS OF THE COLONY (1974) *** ½

 

Mil Mascaras’ tag team partner, Darkness the Giant buys an old painting, ignoring the antique dealer’s warnings that it’s haunted.  After they win a hard-fought wrestling match, the duo retires to Darkness’ home for cocktails, along with their wrestling pal, The White Ghost and their three girlfriends.  At the stroke of midnight, the possessed portrait starts smoking and magically whisks them back in time hundreds of years to colonial Mexico.

The heroes and their girlfriends find themselves in a mansion where the lord has been killed in a duel.  His sexy wife (Lorena Velasquez, looking as luscious as ever), who just so happens to be a part-time Aztec priestess, puts his soul into a mummy, and sets him off on a course for revenge.  Meanwhile, the wrestlers and their gal pals have to find a way home before they are stuck in the past forever. 

It seems like I’ve sat through a lot of paste-up jobs here lately.  I can’t say Macabre Legends of the Colony is a cut-and-paste feature for sure, but it certainly feels like one as the wrestling plotline and the Aztec mummy stuff rarely intersect.  Most of the time, Mil Mascaras and his wrestling pals are off doing Scooby-Doo-style shenanigans while Velasquez is doing her Aztec priestess thing.  In fact, Velasquez and Mil Mascaras don’t even appear on screen together until the last ten minutes of the movie.  

That isn’t necessarily a criticism, just an observation.  The fact is this movie rocks.  It may feel a bit half-assed, but the wrestling scenes are great and horror sequences are legitimately fun.  Even if it does take a while for plots to come together, the great twist ending makes it all worth it.

Velazquez once again proves why she is one of the sexiest ladies in cinema.  Director Arturo Martinez compliments her beauty by filming her from low angles, which also gives her an intimidating presence.  Martinez handles the mummy sequences nicely too.  The scene where it comes to life is surprisingly eerie and effective.  I also enjoyed the little asides with the monk who has a face like the monster in I Was a Teenage Frankenstein who plays the organ like the Phantom of the Opera.

We’ve seen how great Mil Mascaras can be in these movies, but it’s Darkness the Giant who really steals the show.  He’s so full of himself that it’s fun when he gets taken down a peg.  He also has an awesome black and yellow mask that makes his head look like Pac-Man.  His tag team match with Mil is a real slobber knocker too.  It lasts nearly fifteen minutes and goes the full three falls.  It’s the final wrestling match that really puts the flick over the top though as the surprise ending will leave you grinning from ear to ear.