CASTLE OF THE CREEPING FLESH (1968) ** ½

After a lot of heavy partying and lustful encounters, Baron Brack (Michel Lemoine) and his friends pay a visit to his neighbor, The Earl of Saxon (Howard Vernon).  They learn his daughter died only an hour before, and even though the dude just suffered a horrible loss, Brack and company impose on the Earl and worm their way into spending the night in his castle.  Naturally, one of the girls, Marion (Claudia Butenuth) is a dead ringer for the Earl’s daughter, and he schemes to use her body for his latest devious experiment. 

Oh, and there’s apparently a killer bear that’s on the loose on the castle grounds. 

I swear, half this movie is comprised of people giving each other conspiratorial, predatorial, or sexual glances.  The funniest bit of ogling comes when the Baron stares agog at the sexy Vera (Janine Reynaud) at the dinner table while she suggestively licks and sucks on a chicken bone.  The other half of this flick is devoted to long-winded, disgusting, real-life footage of open-heart surgeries.  Sometimes they are snuck in the middle of dialogue scenes, well, just because, I suppose.  Sometimes they are superimposed over nightmare sequences.  Sometimes the open-heart surgeries are superimposed over other open-heart surgeries.

I guess that means this would be perfect Valentine’s Day viewing.    

Although it was directed by Adrian (Mark of the Devil 2) Hoven, Castle of the Creeping Flesh feels a lot like a Jess Franco flick (which is fitting because he worked on the script), thanks to the participation of Vernon, the sluggish pace, the shitty camerawork, and the general air of horniness.  There’s probably a solid, concise story somewhere in there, but Hoven tells it in such a jumbled fashion that it’s often perplexing to watch.  It feels less like it had a screenplay and more like it was assembled from parts of other movies and haphazardly reversed engineered into something resembling an actual movie. 

Castle of the Creeping Flesh is slow moving for the first hour or so, but there is a span of like ten minutes that is a total laugh riot.  There’s a hilarious scene where a guy bursts in on a lovemaking couple to tell them their friend is missing, but they are too busy doing the deed to even notice.  It’s the random-ass bear attack that takes the cake when it comes to WTF nuttiness.  I especially loved the fact the bear kicks the guy when he’s down like a common street brawler after the fight is over. 

If you’re patient, you’ll be pleased to know that everything gets tied together in the very end.  If you make it that far, that is.  I can’t say it’s a conventionally “good” movie, but it’s moderately entertaining; alternating from disgusting to sexy to downright hilarious, which is no easy feat to be sure.

It also benefits from a great performance by Reynaud.  In her most memorable scene, she watches breathlessly as a young maiden is gang raped in a barn.  She gets so turned on that she whips out her breasts and heaves them up and down in front of the camera like she’s in a 3-D movie, and cackles hysterically when she climaxes.  If the rest of the ladies in the cast had the same kind of enthusiasm as Reynaud, Castle of the Creeping Flesh could’ve been a classic.

AKA:  Appointment with Lust.  AKA:  Castle of Bloody Lust.  AKA:  Castle of Lust.  AKA:  Castle of Unholy Desires.  AKA:  In the Castle of Bloody Lust.