GLASS TRAP (2005) **

Directed by Fred Olen Ray (using his “Ed Raymond” pseudonym), Glass Trap is kind of like a loose remake of the 1977 Made for TV Movie, Ants.  The big difference is that this time, the ants are giant-sized killers.  The setting is different too as the ants invade a luxury skyrise and not a swanky country club.  However, both films rely heavily on ‘70s disaster movie tropes, so even if it isn’t remake in the truest sense, it would at the very least make a good double feature with Ants. 

Like any good (or in this case, middling) When Animals Attack flick, there are parts that rip off Jaws.  (There’s talk about the ants’ “bite radius”.)  We also have the gratuitous Die Hard homage where are cast have to crawl around in a ventilation shaft.  There’s one touch that only Fred Olen Ray would put into a movie like this, and that’s the scene where the ants disrupt a lingerie photo shoot on the roof of the building.  Sadly, this is strictly a PG-13 deal, so Ray doesn’t stray into the T & A antics of his “Bikini” franchise.

The supporting cast is pretty decent.  In fact, they are more entertaining to watch than the killer ant stuff.  Stella Stevens is the most fun as the wisecracking magazine editor who says stuff like, “Screw you, Jiminy Cricket!” while smashing ants with a golf club or giving ultimatums like, “You can go with me or you can stay here and become ant food!”  Brent Huff (as a thief), Andrew Prine (as the sheriff), and Martin Kove (as the cigar-chomping soldier of fortune brought in to kill the ants) also make the most of their sparse screen time.  Fans of Ray’s stock company of reliable regulars will enjoy seeing Peter Spellos (as the owner of a nursery) and Richard Gabai (as the coroner) popping up too.

C. Thomas Howell stars as the ex-con janitor hero.  You’ve got to feel for Howell.  One moment, you’re working with Francis Ford Coppola in The Outsiders and the next, you’re getting knocked unconscious by a wooden duck in a Fred Olen Ray movie. 

The ants are a combination of rubbery special effects and CGI and they’re pretty good, all things considered (at least when compared to its Syfy Channel counterparts of the era).  The sound effects they make are pretty annoying though.  (It sounds like someone typing furiously on a keyboard.)  Also, despite the PG-13 rating, there’s still a rather gnarly skeleton reveal. 

It moves along at a steady clip, I suppose.  However, a lot of Glass Trap is really dumb.  Like the fact that the ants are scared of heavy metal music.  Or the female federal agent who faints every time she sees a dead body.  You’d expect that shit from a movie in the ‘30s, but it seems pretty condescending in a modern film.

I’m not going to try to burn Glass Trap with a magnifying glass or anything, but it certainly isn’t a classic of the Killer Ant genre by any means.

AKA:  Insects.