Traditional action has never been Jess Franco’s strong suit. Esmeralda Bay more or less sinks because the action is so lousy. The opening action sequence is so dark that it’s hard to tell what’s going on, the slow motion is often laughable, and there’s a car crash and explosion that has got to go down as the worst in screen history. What’s worse is that the finale is a non-stop barrage of stock footage taken from various decades, wars, and sources, rendering the last battle scene virtually incomprehensible. It’s enough to make Ed Wood’s use of stock footage look downright competent.
There’s a lot of stuff going on in this movie, but never ever happens. Fernando Rey is the President of a small country who is under the thumb of his war-happy Colonel, played by Robert Forster (seven years before revitalizing his career in Jackie Brown). Ramon Sheen (from Franco’s Night of the Eagles) is a revolutionary who buys weapons from an arms dealer (George Kennedy). There are setbacks, betrayals, and double-crosses, but most of it is too dreary to even care.
Forster’s performance is kinda fun. There’s a scene where he gets a new gun and goes running all over the house pretending to shoot it like a kid with a BB gun. This was made during the time he was still stuck playing ethnic villain roles (see also The Delta Force, which also coincidentally featured Kennedy). He shouldn’t be confused with Franco mainstay, Robert Foster, who also appears as a priest.
Speaking of other members of Franco’s Stock Company, Craig Hill and Daniel Grimm were also in Night of the Eagles. Rey was also in Commando Mengele: “Angel of Death”, and it looks like they once again shot all his scenes at his home. Oh, and Franco’s muse, Lina Romay has a small role as a madam too.
The only worthwhile part in this boring mess is the final scene when Kennedy goes mano y mano with a helicopter. I won’t tell you if he wins or loses, but I will say that when the scene was all over, I laughed for about three straight minutes. That amazing minute of insanity is not enough to make anyone sit through the other ninety-four minutes of Esmeralda Bay. However, the scene taken on its own accord, is a ripe slice of WTF cinema.
AKA: Countdown to Esmeralda Bay.
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