Beach Volleyball Detectives may be in Japanese, but it was speaking my language all the way through. There’s nothing I like to see in a motion picture more than sexy bikini-clad girls playing beach volleyball. The fact the girls in this movie are detectives is just icing on the cake. Allowing them to use their finely honed volleyball skills to catch bad guys (in one scene, they spike the ball to knock out a terrorist) makes this, in my humble estimation, a fucking classic. Utilizing a Japanese cover of “Get Off the Road” from Herschell Gordon Lewis’s immortal She Devils on Wheels as the Beach Volleyball Detectives theme song? Well, I mean, you’re just going after my heartstrings now, aren’t you?
True art transcends borders, languages, and races. It brings us all closer together in a spiritual sense and that while we are all unique individuals, there are some films that show us that deep down, we are all the same. Beach Volleyball Detectives is such a picture.
A nefarious terrorist is hiding out at the beach volleyball international training headquarters. Naturally, the sexy bikini-clad Beach Volleyball Detectives enter the tournament to catch him. Before long, they become unwilling participants in an underground beach volleyball tournament where the losers are sold into sex slavery and/or the organ harvesting black market.
The opposing teams all have great gimmicks. The Indian team use the power of yoga during their match, the Russian player is a human Matryoshka doll, and the Chinese supervillains are sexy anti-capitalists. The matches themselves are a total blast as they play out like a live-action anime (or maybe a video game). The scenes where the girls use their special moves are particularly a lot of fun.
Despite what you may think, there’s no nudity here. Lord knows there were plenty of opportunities during the various shower scenes, locker room scenes, cat fights, etc. What’s amazing about Beach Volleyball Detectives is that it’s so damned good that it doesn’t need an abundance of T & A to hold your attention. It’s a lot of fun on its own terms. I mean, restraint isn’t something I would expect from a movie called Beach Volleyball Detectives, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t work.
Look, I’m not saying Beach Volleyball Detectives can cure cancer. I’m just saying I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it noticeably shrunk the size and appearance of some tumors in a limited test trial. It’s that fucking good.
AKA: Beach Volleyball Detective: Catch a Peeping Stalker!
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