Well, folks. It’s that time of year. Time to see who fed it and who ate it at the movies. Can you believe I’ve been doing this for sixteen years? This Awards ceremony is old enough to drive! In that spirit, let’s buckle up and announce the winners (and losers) of the 16th Annual Video Vacuum Awards!
BEST DIALOGUE
And the nominees are…
Crimes of the Future for “I found her attractive… in a bureaucratic kind of way.”
Crimes of the Future for “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at the old sex.”
Crimes of the Future for “Surgery is the new sex!”
Crimes of the Future for “There’s no crime like the present!”
Crimes of the Future for “Watching you filled me with the desire to cut my face open.”
And the winner is… Crimes of the Future for “Surgery is the new sex!”
BEST SEQUEL SUBTITLE
And the nominees are…
Do the Universe
First Kill
In the Multiverse of Madness
Plantasm
Vs. Mecha-Fembot
And the winner is… In the Multiverse of Madness!
BEST SEQUEL
And the nominees are…
Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe
Clerks 3
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Thor: Love and Thunder
Top Gun: Maverick
And the winner is… Top Gun: Maverick!
WORST SEQUEL
And the nominees are…
Call Me Emanuelle
Femalien: Starlight Saga
Giantess Attack vs. Mecha-Fembot
Puppet Master: Doktor Death
Terror Train 2
And the loser is… Femalien: Starlight Saga!
BEST HORROR SEQUEL
And the nominees are…
Halloween Ends
Jurassic World: Dominion
Orphan: First Kill
Scream
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And the winner is… Halloween Ends!
BEST HORROR LEGACY SEQUEL
And the nominees are…
Halloween Ends
Jurassic World: Dominion
Scream
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And the winner is… Halloween Ends!
BEST HORROR MOVIE
And the nominees are…
Crimes of the Future
The Menu
Pearl
Smile
X
And the winner is… Crimes of the Future!
WORST HORROR MOVIE
And the nominees are…
Amityville Karen
Hellraiser
Puppet Master: Doktor Death
Terror Train 2
We’re All Going to the World’s Fair
And the loser is… Amityville Karen!
BEST DIRECT TO VIDEO/STREAMING MOVIE
And the nominees are…
Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe
Dark Glasses
Dashcam
Day Shift
Piranha Women
And the winner is… Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe!
WORST DIRECT TO VIDEO/STREAMING MOVIE
And the nominees are…
Amityville Karen
Call Me Emanuelle
Femalien: Starlight Saga
Hellraiser
We’re All Going to the World’s Fair
And the loser is… Amityville Karen!
BEST COMEDY
And the nominees are…
Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl
Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe
Clerks 3
Day Shift
Giantess Battle Attack!
And the winner is… Clerks 3!
BEST ACTION MOVIE
And the nominees are…
The Batman
Bullet Train
The Northman
Thor: Love and Thunder
Top Gun: Maverick
And the winner is… Top Gun: Maverick!
BEST ACTRESS
And the nominees are…
Kerry Condon in The Banshees of Inisherin
Mia Goth in Pearl
Kristen Stewart in Crimes of the Future
Anya Taylor-Joy in The Menu
Naomi Watts in Goodnight Mommy
And the winner is… Kristen Stewart in Crimes of the Future!
BEST ACTOR
And the nominees are…
Austin Butler in Elvis
Tom Cruise in Top Gun: Maverick
Colin Farrell in The Banshees of Inisherin
Brendan Gleeson in The Banshees of Inisherin
Viggo Mortensen in Crimes of the Future
And the winner is… Colin Farrell in The Banshees of Inisherin!
BEST DIRECTOR
And the nominees are…
David Cronenberg for Crimes of the Future
Joseph Kosinski for Top Gun: Maverick
Baz Luhrmann for Elvis
Martin McDonagh for The Banshees of Inisherin
Ti West for Pearl and X
And the winner is… David Cronenberg for Crimes of the Future!
WORST MOVIE
And the nominees are…
Amityville Karen
Call Me Emanuelle
Femalien: Starlight Saga
Hellraiser
We’re All Going to the World’s Fair
And the loser is… Amityville Karen!
BEST MOVIE
And the nominees are…
The Banshees of Inisherin
Crimes of the Future
Elvis
Pearl
Top Gun: Maverick
And the winner is… Crimes of the Future!
Well, folks. That’s another year of awards in the books. It looks like Crimes of the Future is this year’s big winner with five wins, including Best Movie! Who will win next year? The only way to find out is to keep watching!
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