LET’S GET PHYSICAL: CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON (1953) ** ½

FORMAT:  VHS (3-D)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on October 31st, 2008)

A team of astronauts headed to the moon are knocked off course by a comet.  While making repairs, the sole woman in the group (Marie Windsor) gets telepathic messages telling her to land on “the dark side of the moon”.  (They must be Pink Floyd fans.)  Turns out that the messages were coming from the Cat-Women; a race of hot chicks that like to wear skintight spandex costumes and serious eye make-up.  (They also have a knack for badly choreographed dance routines, but the less said about that, the better.) 

 

Of course, the Cat-Women want to use the astronauts and take over Earth.  Of course, one of the weaker Cat-Women falls in love with one of the square-jawed men.  Of course, the astronauts have to kill a lot of bitchy Cat-Women.

 

Of all the extraterrestrial female-ran society movies of the '50s, I’d have to say that Queen of Outer Space is my favorite.  Cat-Women of the Moon is probably a close second though.  While it ain’t great by any shakes, if you’re into cheesy '50s Sci-Fi films, you certainly can do a lot worse.  The flick starts out fine, but once the astronauts make contact with the Cat-Women, there’s a lot of scenes of them just sitting around talking and not enough action.  Not to mention that it features one of the lamest non-endings ever.  That’s okay though because shit like this is right up my alley so I was able to excuse the flick for its various shortcomings.

 

What I liked best was the awesomely bad special effects.  Like how the spaceship's seats were actually thinly veiled patio lounge chairs and office furniture; or how the astronauts’ radiation suits were nothing more than beekeeper outfits.  The highlight though was the giant spider attack.  Honestly folks, there are few things finer in this life than seeing a bunch of cut-rate ‘50s actors fend off a giant rubber spider. 

 

Cat-Women of the Moon was originally filmed in 3-D, but it’s okay to watch the 2-D version because nothing really leaps out at the screen anyways.  The excellent score was by none other than Elmer Bernstein.  He also did the equally great music for another Grade Z classic, Robot Monster the same year.  This film was later remade as Missile to the Moon, which I guess I’ll have to check out at some point, seeing as I can’t get enough of ‘50s chicks in tight spandex outfits.

 

AKA:  Rocket to the Moon.

QUICK THOUGHTS:  

The tape I watched was the 3-D version that was released by Rhino in the ‘90s.  Since my thoughts on the movie haven’t changed all that much, I’ll just review the 3-D presentation.  Sad to say, the 3-D is pretty disappointing as it only works about a third of the time.  Sometimes, the screen is a blurred mess, but if you relax your eyes, suddenly it’ll come into focus and the 3-D works.  (Kind of like a “Magic Eye” picture.)  Although the majority of the close-ups and long shots don’t seem to want to stay in focus, most of the medium shots seem to work.  Nothing pops out of the screen, or anything mind you.  However, these shots aren’t blurry as all get out, which is a blessing. 

As a novelty, the 3-D is kind of fun but it doesn’t work successfully enough to make the tape worthwhile.  Maybe someday the 3-D Film Archive will strike a new print in pristine 4K with proper 3-D.   Till then, I’d say stick with the flat version.