SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY (2018) ****

Solo:  A Star Wars Story arrives five months after The Last Jedi, a film that left Star Wars fans polarized.  (I happened to love it.)  Solo:  A Star Wars Story is having the same kind of effect.  One thing is for sure, whenever the whiny fanboys bitch about a Star Wars movie on social media, it means the filmmakers are doing something right.  Solo is leaps and bounds better than the previous “Star Wars Story”, Rogue One and retains plenty of elements that made the original trilogy so much fun while offering us something unique at the same time.

The film’s success lies on the shoulders of Alden Ehrenreich.  A lot has been made about Donald Glover’s interpretation of Lando, but for me, Ehrenreich was the whole show.  Glover does a phenomenal job, don’t get me wrong.  It’s just that Ehrenreich had the unenviable task of living up to Harrison Ford.  The reason he pulls it off so well is due largely to the fact that he refuses to do an imitation.  Sure, there are moments where he captures some of Ford’s mannerisms and or speech patterns, but he’s playing Han Solo, not Harrison Ford.  There’s enough of the character you enjoyed in the previous films on display here, yet lots of wriggle room for Ehrenreich to carve out his own niche.  Ehrenreich, who already showed a knack for standing out in ensemble pieces like Hail, Caesar and Rules Don’t Apply, likewise doesn’t get lost in the shuffle of the various aliens and special effects and commands your attention throughout the picture.

Part of the fun is seeing how screenwriters Lawrence and Jonathan Kasdan borrow tropes from westerns, war movies, and various other genres and graft them into the space setting.  Throughout the film, you’ll catch glimpses that may remind you of The Godfather 2, The Defiant Ones, Paths of Glory, and The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.  I mean, what can you say about a movie that starts off like Oliver Twist and ends like an episode of Maverick, other than, it’s awesome.

Yes, there are parts that are callbacks (callforwards?) to the original film.  However, like the cherrypicked genre moments, they are organically woven into the narrative in such a way that they don’t feel like gratuitous fan service (which is one of the problems I had with Rogue One).  There is at least one cameo that will make Star Wars fans stand up and cheer.  Whether or not Disney will follow through with giving this character a new storyline in coming films remains to be seen.  I'm just glad to know they’re still there lurking on the edges of the galaxy.

Ehrenreich has the right blend of cocky swagger and effortless cool the part requires.  He looks great standing next to a Wookie and is as quick with his wit as he is with a blaster.  I for one am on board for more solo Solo movies.  

I AM YOUR FATHER (2015) ** ½

I am Your Father is Toni Bestard and Marcos Cabota’s documentary on David Prowse.  He was an English bodybuilding champion who drew steady work in the Hammer horror films of the ‘70s, gained fame as the “Green Cross Man” in England, and had a memorable bit part in A Clockwork Orange.  In 1977, everything changed for Prowse when he became immortal for playing Darth Vader in Star Wars.

Prowse was always a bit miffed for not being able to provide the voice for Vader.  I mean, he though it wasn’t his voice in the finished product, he still had to memorize all his dialogue and deliver it on set.  That feeling was exacerbated six years later when George Lucas opted for a “classically trained” actor for Vader’s big unmasking scene in Return of the Jedi.

Prowse’s penchant for having loose lips to the press also caused friction between he and Lucas.  When Prowse allegedly blabbed they were killing off Vader, Lucasfilm effectively shunned him.  In the ensuing years, the still good-natured (for the most part) Prowse was reduced to playing the convention circuit, but was never invited to an official Star Wars con. 

The film is at its best when getting to know the man behind Vader’s mask.  It’s fun seeing Prowse hobnobbing with the likes of Lou Ferrigno and Jeremy Bulloch at conventions and hearing his family’s reaction to his fame.  It’s decidedly less effective when director Cabota worms his way into the spotlight.  I think the movie would’ve been just fine without all his on-camera fanboy gushing.  Who were you trying to make a documentary on?  Prowse or yourself?

I think it’s neat that Cabota tries to recreate the end of Jedi with Prowse in full makeup, giving him a chance to play the big scene he never got to do.  However, Lucasfilm blocks using the footage in the film.  So, what's the point?  The mock-up of Prowse in the Jedi burn makeup is cool, but since the finished scene isn’t in the documentary we can only imagine what Prowse’s acting would’ve been like.  Because of that, we never find out if he had the chops to pull the scene off (which is kind of the whole point); bringing us right back where we started.  It’s frustrating to say the least. 

WIZARDS OF THE DEMON SWORD (1991) **

Fred Olen Ray was a day late and a dollar short when he made this dumb barbarian comedy.  It was released (by Troma) well after the sword and sandal craze of the ‘80s had died down.  Fans of Ray’s work will find some sources of amusement here, but for the most part, Wizards of the Demon Sword fails to deliver in just about every department.

Ulric the Elder (Russ Tamblyn) is entrusted with a magic sword.  The evil Lord Khourda (Lyle Waggoner) imprisons Ulric with the intention of using the sword for his own devious purposes.  Ulric’s daughter (Heidi Paine), whose blood is the key to activating the sword, teams up with a rugged warrior named Thane (Blake Bahner) to rescue him. 

Wizards of the Demon Sword goes down a lot smoother if you refuse to take it seriously.  This movie contains some of the least convincing barbarian actors since Deathstalker 3.  Hoke (The Sidehackers) Howell is embarrassing as “The Seer of Roebuck” (get it?).  His phony beard and wig don’t do him any favors either.  Waggoner is woefully miscast as the villain.  Are we supposed to believe Wonder Woman’s boyfriend is an evil sorcerer?  I think not.  I also had a hard time buying Tamblyn as a wizard.  It was fun seeing Jay Richardson as Waggoner’s right-hand man, although he seems more like a Mafia henchman than a sorcerer’s assistant.  Michael Berryman is pretty good as a thief, but even though he’s featured prominently on the video box, he's only in it for like a minute.

I could excuse the dumb humor and anachronistic dialogue.  However, the awful sword fights and strange casting decisions ultimately sink it.  What can you say about a hero that’s so lame he's got to subcontract another hero to help him save the damsel in distress?

Of the cast, Lawrence Tierney fares best as a rascally slave trader.  The slave auction scene is far and away the best part of the entire film.  (Although the briefly seen stop-motion dinosaur effects are well done.)  It’s only in this sequence where Ray successfully blends the humor and barbarian genre clichés.  My favorite moment was when Tierney pulls off a slave girl’s top and says, “Take a look at that treasure chest!”  

BUFFALO BILL AND THE INDIANS, OR SITTING BULL’S HISTORY LESSON (1976) **

Buffalo Bill’s (Paul Newman) Wild West show is a big hit.  In what has got to be the Old West version of a casting coup, Bill lands none other than Sitting Bull (Frank Kaquitts) as the show’s latest attraction.  Sitting Bull soon proves to be more trouble than he’s worth.  He begins acting like a total diva, making lofty demands and generally causing trouble for the show.  It’s then up to Bill to placate his new star while retaining his artistic vision for the show (even if it differs from historical fact).

Like Robert Altman’s Nashville, The Player, and A Prairie Home Companion, Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull’s History is a picture about the daily life of show biz folk and their various struggles.  It has all the overlapping dialogue, long tracking shots, and colorful characters you’d expect from an Altman picture.  It’s overlong, patchy, and uneven, but there are moments when you see can what he was going for. 

The scenes of Buffalo Bill trying to outwit Sitting Bull and his ever-increasing list of demands play out just fine.  Somewhere along the way, the film starts going around in circles.  Once the wheels start falling off in the second act, it slowly becomes a rambling endurance test.  The loose narrative becomes almost nonexistent as it enters the final act.  

Newman is good as the crotchety Bill.  The film is at its best when he’s front and center being wily and flashing his trademark smile, but even he can’t save the slow-moving narrative.  Harvey Keitel and Kevin McCarthy also get a few laughs as members of Bill’s company.  Burt Lancaster has a couple of nice moments too as Bill’s publicist, who mostly sits on the sidelines commenting on the action.

It’s Newman who gets the best line of the movie when he says, “The last thing a man wants to do is the last thing he does.”

GOLD OF THE AMAZON WOMEN (1979) **

Mark L. (Commando) Lester directed this Made for TV jungle adventure the same year as Roller Boogie.  Bo Svenson stars as an explorer looking for gold in the Amazon jungle.  Some Amazon women get wind that he’s snooping around and try to bow-and-arrow him to death.  The killer Amazons are in cahoots with crazy old Donald Pleasence who wants Bo to lead him to the gold, so he can steal it for himself.  Once Bo arrives in the Amazon village, he’s immediately kidnapped and marked for breeding stock by the sultry Queen of the Amazons (Anita Ekberg).  Pleasence attacks the village looking for the gold and Bo agrees to team up with the Amazon Women to stop him.

Since this is a TV movie, there is an awful lot of padding.  The scenes of Bo and Richard Romanus (who’s playing a Latino) making their way through the jungle are slow going for the most part.  You also have to wait until the film’s about halfway over until you get to see Ekberg.  The TV budget doesn’t help either as the climax is chaotic, rushed, and poorly choreographed.  The ‘70s “message” moments are often hilarious though.  (“Times are changing. Men are working with women now.”)

I did like the scene where Bo has to fight a tribe member (perennial ‘70s stuntman/That Guy Bob Minor) for the affections of a scantily clad native girl.  There’s also a decent stick fight between two Amazons on a raft surrounded by alligators.  Because of the television censors, it never gets violent or steamy enough to be worth a damn.  So much for the breeding stock subplot.  

AKA:  Amazon Women.  AKA:  Quest for the Seven Cities.  AKA:  Female 300.

DEADPOOL 2 (2018) *** ½

There are certain ways to approach a traditional sequel.  Deadpool 2 opts for two of them simultaneously:  Darker is Better and Bigger is Better.  It tries to up the emotional stakes while giving us (much) more of the same.  The results are often uneven, but Ryan Reynolds’ love for the character and his enthusiastic need to entertain prevails throughout, carrying the film confidently over the spotty sections.

Director David Leitch did Atomic Blonde and John Wick, so we know he can handle the action.  Furthermore, the action is clearly filmed, precisely edited, and balletically choreographed.  The Deadpool and Domino team-up is a lot of fun and the battle between Colossus and [REDACTED] is one of the best in the entire X-Men series.  

Leitch just isn’t nearly as consistent when it comes to telling a joke.  The X-Force scene is funny, and the cameos are good for a few laughs, but that owes more to the performers’ wiliness to show up.  Leitch kind of drops the ball when it comes to the potty humor.  He mostly just defers to Reynolds, allowing him to mug endlessly until the scene is over.  Leitch also oversells the dramatic scenes, which fit less successfully here than they did in the first movie.

Sure, the dramatic stuff is incongruent with the film’s irreverent nature, but Deadpool 2 is still enormously entertaining. Zazie Beetz makes a star-making turn as the lucky mutant Domino.  In her short amount of screen time, she proves without a doubt that she deserves her own movie. Josh Brolin is good as the soldier from the future, Cable.  It’s just that his performance suffers from comparison to his OTHER performance as a Marvel baddie a few short weeks ago.  

Reynolds puts in another funny turn as Deadpool.  Whenever he’s wryly commenting on the action and/or making pop culture references, it works.  Again, when it switches gears to dramatic it doesn't quite stick the landing.  Still, it has one of the best post-credits scene ever, so make sure you stick around for that. 

X-MEN MOVIE SCORECARD:

X-Men: Apocalypse: ****

Deadpool: ****
X-Men: Days of Future Past: ****
X-Men 2: X-Men United: ****
X-Men: ****
X-Men 3: The Last Stand: ****
Logan:  ****
X-Men: First Class: *** ½
Deadpool 2: *** ½
X-Men: Origins: Wolverine: *** ½
The Wolverine: ***

2018 COMIC BOOK MOVIE SCORECARD

Avengers:  Infinity War: *** ½ 
Black Panther: *** ½
Deadpool 2: *** ½

Accident Man: ** ½ 

SHOW DOGS (2018) * ½

As the parent of an eight-year-old, I'm sort of a connoisseur of bad talking animal movies.  As far as these things go, Show Dogs isn't quite as bad as the nadir of the genre, Super Buddies, which is a blessing.  It’s not quite as annoying and unbearable as Nine Lives either.  My daughter ate it up, which is what really mattered.  All I’ll say is, thank God for MoviePass.  

Will Arnett stars as an FBI agent who gets teamed up with a dog cop named Max (Chris “Ludacris” Bridges).  Naturally, they’re a mismatched pair who are forced to work together to complete an assignment.  They go undercover at a Vegas dog show to take down a ring of animal smugglers.  Since Max is gruff and disobedient, it’s up to a former award winning French papillon (Stanley Tucci) to show him the ropes of being a show dog.

Show Dogs is the kind of movie that spoon feeds its jokes to the audience.  I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise any adult viewer that the film makes numerous Turner and Hooch references since they’re both about a cop and his dog partner.  However, it has to gratuitously explain that Hooch was the dog because the target audience is too young to remember.  (It must be noted that there’s not one mention of K-9.)

Would it surprise you that Show Dogs was directed by Raja Gosnell, who also gave us Scooby-Doo, Scooby-Doo 2, and Beverly Hills Chihuahua?  Probably not.  The man’s made the same movie four times and he still hasn’t gotten it right. 

One thing that makes Show Dogs almost tolerable is the major plot point that revolves around Max’s ability to be groped by the judges.  This all leads to Arnett and the dog recreating a scene from Dirty Dancing.  As bad as the movie is, you have to respect a film that makes you question if you’ve just been dosed with a high-grade hallucinogenic.  

The Hal Needham-esque end credits are the best part, and not just because it means the movie is almost over.  The outtakes of the dog actors flubbing their lines are good for a laugh or two.  All this does is make you wonder if the documentary about the making of Show Dogs would be better than the film itself.