FORMAT: DVD (REWATCH)
ORIGINAL REVIEW:
(As posted on January 22nd, 2011)
Two brats wind up shipwrecked on a desert island with some old codger who teaches them how to fish and stuff. After he dies, the kids grow up to be Christopher Atkins and Brooke Shields. One day, puberty kicks in and Chris wonders why he’s getting “weird hairs down there”. After choking the chicken a couple of times, he finally figures out where to stick that sumbitch.
Okay, let’s just get this out in the open: The only reason anyone would ever watch this movie is to see Brooke Shields’ boobs. Since the role of Brooke’s breasts were played by stunt tits and we only get to see fleeting glimpses of them, it’s pretty much all for naught. It also doesn’t help that the first hour or so of the movie leading up to her disrobing plays like the shittiest Hallmark Hall of Fame Movie you ever saw. I nodded off like a motherfucker during this part of the movie, but sadly, the parts where Brooke gets naked are just as boring.
The Blue Lagoon doesn’t even work as camp. The romance aspect of the movie is awful, but not in a laughable way. The acting is terrible too as Atkins and Shields both act like goddamned mannequins. The only slightly amusing part in all of this comes when Atkins builds their overly elaborate and highly implausible shelter. It looks like Bob Vila came over for an episode of This Old Grass Hut. I mean how many grass huts do you know of have patios made of bamboo?
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