SHOTGUN STORIES (2008) ****

Son (Michael Shannon) gets word his estranged father has passed away.  His father long abandoned him and his two brothers Boy (Douglas Ligon) and Kid (Barlow Jacobs), so he pays his respects the only way he knows how:  Crashing the funeral and spitting on his father’s casket.  This greatly upsets his dad’s “new” family of hotheaded trigger-happy sons, lighting the fuse of a full-scale feud.  The retaliations escalate on both sides, ultimately ending in murder.

Shotgun Stories is Jeff (Take Shelter) Nichols’ directorial debut and it’s a quietly powerful throwback to the early ‘90s independent cinema that favored oddball, unique characters populating small, intimate storylines.  Most directors would’ve hitched their wagon to the revenge-driven plotline.  Nichols is more concerned how a lifetime of strife, bad blood, and hostility has broken a family down over time.  I especially liked the way that he peppers the film with occasional bits with weirdo locals like the one-eyed “Shampoo” (G. Alan Wilkins).  Because of that, this is the only movie I can think of that brought to mind both Death Wish and Napoleon Dynamite in the same breath.  It hits some very familiar beats while simultaneously feeling exhilaratingly fresh and unique.

Shannnon’s brooding performance anchors the movie.  The economical use of dialogue between the brothers is important, because often what’s not being said between them is just as crucial as what’s spoken aloud.  Shannon makes each word count and gives one of his greatest, most introspective performances.  You have to feel for the brothers, not only because of the bad hand life dealt them, but also because their father had the audacity to name them Son, Kid, and Boy.  If that alone wasn’t enough to spark an all-out family feud, nothing would.

DIMENSION IN FEAR (1998) * ½

An escaped serial killer named Cal (Ron Jason) is on the loose, roaming the city in search of prey.  Meanwhile, sexy weather girl Dedra (Nicole West) leaves her job at a television station, headed for greener pastures.  When her car breaks down, Dedra gets stranded in the middle of nowhere and Cal gives her a lift.  He then proceeds to terrorize her and Dedra is forced to fight for her life.

Dimension in Fear is a rather dull, low budget, shot-on-video serial killer thriller from Ted V. (Blood Orgy of the She-Devils) Mikels (who also has a cameo as a hotel clerk).  The scenes of the police arresting the killer, his escape, and the ensuing manhunt play out like an expanded episode of Cops, mostly because they share the same non-existent production values.  The scenes that take place at the TV station are especially cheap.  (When West does her weather report, she merely stands in front of a map that’s been taped to the wall.)

The only recognizable names in the cast are former Ed Wood flame Dolores (Glen or Glenda?) Fuller as the TV station manager and Liz (Desperate Living) Renay as a “world famous psychic”.  Renay gets the funniest part of the movie when she does a psychic reading for West.  Since there was no room in the budget for a crystal ball, or even tarot cards, Renay just holds the sides of her face and kind of zones out.  It’s pretty damned funny too.   

As a whole, Dimension in Fear is about middle of the road as far as Mikels’ movies go.  It’s more realistic than something like The Astro-Zombies, but it’s not blatantly bizarre as Female Slaves’ Revenge.  Because of that, it undoubtedly lacks that certain something that makes Mikels’ best work so endearing.  Well, at least to me, anyway. 

Also, at 109 minutes it’s way too long; another thing that’s unfortunately all too common with Mikels' latter-day pictures.  There are way too many subplots, the most egregious being the stuff involving the killer’s twin brother (also played by Jason).  This plot revelation plays out exactly as you’d expect, and since there are absolutely no surprises in store, it makes the third act particularly rough going.

AKA:  City in Terror.

GUARDING TESS (1994) **

Nicolas Cage stars as a Secret Service agent assigned to watch and protect a feisty former First Lady, played by Shirley MacLaine.  He’d rather be in the center of the action, guarding the sitting President instead of being cooped up in a mansion in Ohio acting like a glorified butler.  She’s a cantankerous old biddy who knows how to push his buttons.  He gets fed up with her bullshit, but since she can get on the phone and call the President and complain any time she wants, she holds all the cards.  Eventually, the pair form a mutual bond and Cage shows his true colors in a crisis when he rescues her from some half-assed kidnappers.

Directed by Hugh (Police Academy) Wilson, Guarding Tess is a sweet-natured dramedy that’s all fluff and no friction.  Cage refers to the film as part of his “Sunshine Trilogy” that also includes It Could Happen to You and Honeymoon in Vegas.  It’s easily the least entertaining, mostly because it’s the staidest of the three.  Even the odd kidnapping subplot that rears its head in the third act is much too pat and feels out of step with the rest of the flick.  It’s a solid premise and all, and it’s not particularly bad.  It’s just that it feels more like a movie your mom would watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Cage infuses the film with occasional Cagey theatrics, but for the most part, he comes across as solemn and a bit bored.  MacLaine plays yet another variation on her grouchy old lady routine, and only fleetingly shows signs of a much more interesting character.  Too bad the movie uses her more as a plot device rather than a character.  The two stars have a modicum of chemistry together, but unfortunately there’s no real fireworks between them.  At the end of the day, Guarding Tess is a pleasant, but forgettable, inessential Cage vehicle.

DETENTION (2012) ½ *

A killer from a horror movie called Cinderhella is stalking a group of annoying teens.  After a classmate is murdered at a party, the Principal (Dane Cook) sentences a bunch of kids to detention to find out who the killer is.  There, they construct a time-traveling bear (don’t ask) to stop the psycho.

Detention is one of the most ADD movies I’ve ever seen.  This thing is all over the place.  The constant barrage of on-screen text while characters are talking, rapid-fire editing, and scattershot plot are off-putting, gaudy, and irksome.  Director Joseph Kahn is mostly known for directing music videos.  While these techniques might have worked for a three-minute music video, it quickly gets annoying in a ninety-minute movie. 

It tries to be a spoof of horror films, offering non-stop meta commentary on the slasher and teenage comedy genres.  However, it’s nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is.  It’s especially telling that Detention is trying too hard when the characters namedrop pop culture references like Bronson Pinchot and the filmmakers have to put up an on-screen graphic to remind you who he is.  It’s almost as if they weren’t confident the audience would get the joke.  Also, joking about dark material such as teenage suicide can be humorous if you find the right tone.  This movie thinks it is just too cool for school (no pun intended), so all the black humor lands with a cringey thud.  

The constant use of text and graphics popping up on screen while the characters talk directly to the audience often make it feel like a feature length YouTube video.  The slasher scenes could’ve worked had Kahn picked a genre and stuck with it, but since the characters are all irritating, it really doesn’t matter to us if they live or die.  The dumb and unnecessary plot detours (like the guy who has a TV for a hand) further gunk up the works.  I think it was about the time when they introduced the Freaky Friday subplot late in the game that I started to mentally tap out.

Is there any way to prescribe a movie Adderall?  Detention truly needs it.  Maybe the film was specifically tailored to people with ADD and ADHD because I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

SANTO VS. THE RIDERS OF TERROR (1970) **

A gang of lepers break out of a sanitarium, spreading terror throughout the west.  Or… I guess it would be south since it takes place in Mexico.  Anyway, some bandits stumble upon the lepers hiding in a cave and trick them into joining forces.  The befuddled sheriff eventually enlists the help of everyone’s favorite luchador, El Santo to stop the bandits and make sure the lepers receive proper medical treatment.

Unfortunately, El Santo doesn’t show up until about the twenty-five-minute mark.  Till then, you’re (pardon the pun) saddled with a lot of boring western subplots and low rent cowboy action.  The fact the villains are deformed lepers gives this entry a slight element of horror, but the special effects just make it look like they’ve got wads of chewed-up bubble gum stuck to their faces. 

Not only does Santo vs. the Riders of Terror suffer from a decided lack of the Silver Masked One, it’s painfully low on wrestling action.  There’s only one wrestling scene in the entire film, but it’s a pretty funny one.  A big bully challenges any man who can take him on and offers a cash reward to the winner.  After the oaf polishes off a few would-be wrestlers, El Santo hops in the ring and cleans his clock and gives the prize money to a trio of nuns. The shots of the nuns wildly cheering El Santo on is one of the best moments in the whole movie. 

While it’s fun seeing El Santo fighting in a wrestling ring set up in the middle of a western town (not to mention riding a horse), it’s just a shame you’ve got to sit through a lot of dull cowboy shit to get to it.  The worst El Santo movies deliberately keep him off the screen for big chunks at a time.  That certainly describes this one.  In fact, it sometimes feels like you could edit him out of the picture entirely as the sheriff does a lot of the leg work, especially early on.  

It also loses points for not letting El Santo ride off into the sunset while someone asks, “Who was that masked man?”  Then again, they might have for all I know.  The version I saw didn’t have any subtitles. 

Sure, much of Santo vs. the Riders of Terror is a slog, but it’s probably the best Mexican Wrestler vs. Cowboy Lepers movie I’ve ever seen. 

AKA:  The Lepers and Sex.

BUST OUT (1973) ***

Ric Lutze and Ralph Wain star as two escaped convicts who are on the run in the wilderness.  It just so happens a devoutly Christian couple (Myron Griffin and Candy Samples) are holding a Sunday school picnic with four nubile Catholic schoolgirls nearby.  While the group is partaking in Christian fellowship, Darlene (Rene Bond) slips out into the woods for some nude sunbathing and sex with her boyfriend (Steven Sommers).  The convicts eventually stumble upon the picnickers and ingratiate themselves by posing as geologists, and it doesn’t take long for them to get their “rocks off” with the horny Catholic schoolgirls.  Once the convicts are found out, the girls become more than willing accomplices and help imprison the couple and force them to give in to their captors’ lascivious demands.

Directed by John (Grave of the Vampire) Hayes, a director I always felt should’ve had a bigger following, Bust Out is a solid slice of ‘70s softcore exploitation.  Although he was working on an obviously shoestring budget, Hayes infuses the film with a lot of knowing humor, which makes it fun.  Hayes gets a lot of mileage from constantly cutting back and forth between the couple discussing Christian morals with the teenage girls’ cries of passion in the woods.  This often results in some pretty big laughs.  Even the forced sex scenes have an element of humor to them (like when the girls tie their mentor’s member to a rope to help him “get it up”).  

Rene Bond is the real reason to watch it.  Fans of outdoor sex scenes are in for a real treat as Bond has many hot scenes where she frolics in the woods wearing only knee-high red leather boots and a golden belly chain.  While she’s busy getting banged by her boyfriend in the woods, the other girls are off getting passed around by the horny convicts.  (The scenes of the girls bent over logs and getting plowed from behind are especially steamy.)  I only wish Candy Samples had more to do as she only gets to participate in one sex scene and keeps her clothes on for the majority of the film.

The print I saw was so jumpy that the final act is rendered pretty much incomprehensible.  I don’t know if there was a reel missing or what, but the convicts go from holding the couple hostage indoors to being dead on the ground outside within the span of a jump cut.  Even then, it only adds to the overall quirkiness and fun of the picture.

AKA:  Convicts Women.

FANTASM COMES AGAIN (1977) ** ½

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.