SEQUEL CATCH-UP: STRAY CAT ROCK: MACHINE ANIMAL (1970) ***

Stray Cat Rock:  Machine Animal is the fourth entry in the series starring Meiko (Female Prisoner Scorpion) Kaji.  It’s the only film in the franchise I hadn’t seen.  I’m glad I finally got around to watching it as it is far and away the best one in the bunch. 

Kaji stars as Maya, the leader of an all-girl gang.  They encounter a trio of small-time hoods trying to unload a big shipment of acid and seize the opportunity to rip off the dealers.  Once Maya learns one of the guys is just trying to avoid the Vietnam draft, she feels sorry for them and gives them back the LSD.  Too bad the local kingpin wants his mitts on the drugs.

Kaji once again looks great in her giant brimmed hat and donning an array of fetching outfits.  She lends the film considerable spark, and it’s fun seeing her and her gang riding around on motorcycles and saying American slang like “Groovy!”, “Cool it!”, and “Ain’t no thang!”  The scenes in the swinging go-go club are a blast too and the musical numbers will leave you tapping your toes.  

I can’t really explain why Machine Animal worked for me while the other films in the series didn’t.  Maybe I was just content to vibe to the dated slang, groovy tunes, and freakout scenes.  It also helps that the pace never drags, and the plot doesn’t dawdle.  Plus, the reveal of who’s really running the rival gang is a genuine surprise. Director Yasuharu Hasebe (who also directed the first and third entries in the series) delivers some stylish sequences (like the romantic scene done solely in dissolves) and makes cool use of split screen.  The big chase scene where Kaji and her girls ride their motorcycles through train stations and fancy restaurants is a lot of fun too. 

All in all, this is easily the best of the series, even if we never learn what the hell a “Machine Animal” is. 

SEQUEL CATCH-UP: THE JESUS ROLLS (2020) * ½

The Jesus Rolls isn’t exactly a sequel to The Big Lebowski.  It’s more of a spin-off/prequel featuring the character of Jesus (John Turturro, who also wrote and directed).  It’s a remake of a ‘70s French movie called Going Places with the Jesus dropped in as the main character.  It’s liable to disappoint fans of The Big Lebowski and leave everyone else scratching their heads.

Jesus gets out of jail and reconnects with his buddy Petey (Bobby Cannavale, who left his charisma at home).  Along with their mutal girlfriend Marie (Audrey Tautou), they wind up getting entangled in a series of misadventures while committing several crimes along the way. 

It's obvious Turturro has a lot of love for the character.  I just think he should’ve given the movie some tough love.  He was such a presence in Lebowski, but here, he just seems a little sad and tired.  Seemingly unsure how the audience would take a “pederast” as a main character, he goes through great pains to show it was all a misunderstanding up front.  It’s odd that the movie goes out of its way to show he’s not such a bad guy, but then never does anything to endear him to the audience.  So, then we’re left wondering… what was the point? 

Sadly, the more the film tries to trade in on the Lebowski cult, the more desperate it feels.  There’s no comic momentum whatsoever and any dramatic moments seem to be caught by accident.  The more time you spend with Jesus, the more you realize the character is one-note, and what worked in small doses in a cult classic only gets you so far in a limited release spin-off. 

It's a shame because the supporting cast is stacked.  We have Christopher Walken as a warden, Jon Hamm as a hairdresser, and Sonia Braga as Jesus’ mother.  You can tell they’re just chomping at the bit for something to do, but the script never gives them the opportunity. 

Occasionally, you can see what Turturro was going for.  Susan Sarandon invigorates the film when she shows up halfway through as a jailbird the boys pick up fresh out of prison.  More often than not, the movie Turturro was aiming for didn’t quite make it onto the screen.  Ultimately, the Jesus Rolls a gutterball. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DRACULA AND THE WOLF MAN (1973) ****

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

El Santo’s girlfriend’s family is marked for death by Dracula and the Wolf Man.  When the police refuse to help, he turns to his wrestling pal, Blue Demon to lend a hand.  Little do they realize the fiendish monsters are amassing an army to finish off the luchadores once and for all. 

I thought it was cool that they rehired the same actor, Aldo Monti from Santo in the Treasure of Dracula to play Dracula yet again, which at least gives the film a little bit of continuity.  (Dracula’s hunchbacked henchman even wants his “gold”, which I assume is the treasure from the other movie.)  Dracula also gets a cool resurrection scene where a guy is tied up and hung upside down over the Count’s bones.  He’s then cut, and when his blood dribbles onto Dracula’s skeleton, it brings the bloodsucker back to life. 

The Wolf Man (Agustin Martinez Solares), who also goes by the hilarious name, Rufus Rex, has a great look.  He’s often seen wearing a flashy yellow disco shirt and his facial hair looks perfectly blow-dried and set.  It’s almost as if Vidal Sassoon styled Lon Chaney, Jr. 

As for the wrestling bouts, El Santo’s first match takes place in front of a blue backdrop, which was obviously cheaper than filming in a real venue with a paying crowd.  Blue Demon’s fight against “Renato the Hippie” (!) occurs in front of a blood red screen.  After the plot wraps up, Blue Demon and El Santo join forces for a tag team match.  The canned sounds of the audience cheering, and the weirdly hued surroundings give the wrestling sequences an oddly surreal and dreamlike feel. 

In fact, director Miguel M. Delgado (who directed many of El Santo’s best films) favors bright, poppy colors throughout the film which gives it a unique flavor.  Many directors would opt to go overboard with the shadows and fog to make the horror elements come alive.  This one has mostly a primary color palette (love those Dracula babes in their sheer red nighties!) and as a result, it’s one of the best looking El Santo adventures.  There are even moments here that look like something out of a Mario Bava movie, which is about the highest praise I can bestow on a Mexican wrestling horror flick. 

Also of note:  Santo’s spunky girlfriend, Lina (Nubia Marti) is a more than just a pretty face and proves to be capable ally.  In one scene, she saves El Santo’s bacon by driving a forklift into the action!  When do you get to see that?

Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dracula and the Wolf Man maybe isn’t as out and out nutty as say, Santo and Blue Demon vs. the Monsters, but it’s a consistently amusing addition to the franchise.  The little stylistic flourishes and overall general silliness (like the Wolf Man’s army of werewolf henchmen) make it a must see for horror and wrestling fans alike. 

AKA:  Santo and Blue.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO VS. FRANKENSTEIN’S DAUGHTER (1972) ****

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Freda Frankenstein (Gina Romand), the daughter of Dr. Frankenstein, is perfecting an eternal youth serum to combat her rapidly aging body.  If she doesn’t give herself injections in a timely manner, she starts looking old and shriveled.  She figures if she can use the blood of the famous wrestler El Santo it will add longevity to her serum because of his great strength.  Freda’s also busy making a monster from parts of dead bodies just like dear old dad.  Oh, and she keeps an ape man (Gerardo Zepeda) locked up in her dungeon… just because. 

You know you have a winner on your hands when the monster scenes are more entertaining than the stuff with El Santo.  His best movies can be measured by how many monsters they have in them.  This one has three terrific monsters.  And yes, I’m counting Frankenstein’s daughter as a monster because of her prune face.  (The scenes of the doctor’s hands becoming wrinkled are reminiscent of The Leech Woman.)  Zepeda also played an ape man in the immortal Night of the Bloody Apes, which makes this a sort of sequel/spin-off. 

The lab set is a thing of beauty.  It’s one of the best I’ve seen in a Mexican horror movie as it mixes equal parts of traditional Frankenstein equipment and Grade Z tech.  I also loved the fact Frankenstein’s henchmen were just old men who have been given youth serum and are forced to serve her in exchange for their new youthful looks. 

While the monster stuff sort of outshines the El Santo scenes, it’s still great fun seeing the Silver Masked Man in action.  The movie kicks off with a wrestling scene where El Santo goes toe to toe with “Toro” in the ring while his girlfriend (Anel) humorously cheers him on.  After the plot has wrapped up, El Santo takes on the Japanese champ.  His fights outside the ring with the ape man and the Frankenstein monster are a lot of fun too, and his battles with Freda’s henchmen in foggy graveyards are quite atmospheric. There’s also a great moment when Frankenstein’s daughter unmasks El Santo to give him a kiss.  (His face is still respectfully obscured from the camera.)  Heck, even the bond that forms between El Santo and the ape man late in the picture is sort of touching.  The finale ranks right up there with the best of the Universal horror movies as it features fights, acid throwing, lap dissolve transformation scenes, and a Bride of Frankenstein-inspired explosion.  

All in all, Santo vs. Frankenstein’s Daughter is a rip-roaring good time. 

AKA:  The Daughter of Frankenstein.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO IN THE VENGEANCE OF THE MUMMY (1971) ***

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

A professor prepares a jungle expedition to search for Aztec treasure.  Naturally, he brings along famous Mexican wrestler, El Santo for protection.  The treasure is guarded by an Aztec mummy that predictably comes alive when the explorers desecrate the tomb.  Soon, the mummified menace begins picking off the members of the expedition one by one. 

A strong set-up for a great Mexican wrestling monster movie is somewhat hampered by annoying comic relief characters (like the absent-minded professor and the temperamental cook) and long scenes of the explorers wandering around endlessly.  (They traipse through the jungle and stumble around caves.)  The lengthy Aztec flashbacks don’t help much either.  Once the mummy wakes from his nap and starts shooting arrows at people, the film hits its stride. 

The tone is similar to the Aztec Mummy movies of the ‘50s, so if you enjoyed those, you’ll no doubt get a kick out of this.  The fact that the mummy uses a bow and arrow to off his victims gives it a unique flavor that sets it apart from many similar mummy flicks.  Some fans might balk at the Scooby-Doo-style ending, but I liked it okay.   Heck, even Santo’s romance with the group’s photographer, Susana (Mary Montiel) is kind of sweet too. The soundtrack is also quite groovy too as it’s full of surf music-inspired cuts.  The Native themes are also well-done. 

The film is bookended with wrestling scenes.  It opens with El Santo and a young wrestler in a red mask named “Rebel” fighting in a match against an “Italian tag team”.  The cinematography is so good for the match that it’s obvious the insert shots of the crowd are from an entirely different movie.  Then, in the finale, El Santo takes on a masked opponent named “Buffalo”.  I guess they figured since El Santo was going to spend nearly all of his time in the jungle, they had to stick the wrestling matches in there somewhere.  He also gets a scene where he tangles with some unruly guides in the jungle, and his final fight with the mummy makes for a decent capper on this uneven, but entertaining flick. 

COMIC BOOK CATCH-UP: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM (2023) **

The trailers kind of put me off as the animation looked extremely buggy and/or looked like it was trying to rip off Spider-Man:  Into the Spider-Verse.  While it does take some time getting used to (it often resembles an animated storyboard), overall, the animation isn’t bad.  At least it has personality, which is more than I can say for TMNT, the last animated feature-length reboot of the franchise.  (Even if it’s only marginally better than that film.)  In fact, I really dug the way the Turtles were introduced here as they are seen in their original white eyed comic book form.  Sadly, it just winds up just being a daydream.  I kind of wished they looked like that the entire time, but oh well. 

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are living in the sewers out of sight of the humans.  They meet teenaged April O’Neil who wants to do a story on them for her school paper.  To make the story as big as possible, the Turtles try to get to the bottom of a series of thefts involving radioactive material.  They soon learn the villain behind the robberies is a mutant bug named Superfly (Ice Cube) who plans on turning every animal on Earth into a mutant. 

The casting of Jackie Chan as Master Splinter was inspired, although he’s more of a shellshocked (no pun intended) cranky old man than a Kung Fu master.  Likewise, changing April to a nerdy high schooler was an odd choice.  Some of the other updates are a bit questionable too (did Bebop really need nipple rings?), but at least the core four Turtles’ personalities are mostly the same.  (Although Donatello sounds like a little girl.)

The original comics, the first live-action movie, and the Michael Bay-produced Turtle flicks had somewhat of an edge to them.  This one is aimed squarely at kids, which is fine, I guess.   They probably won’t mind that the villain’s plot is just a twist on the first X-Men movie or that nearly every damn needle drop is a rap song.  Although there are some fun in-jokes for fans, there’s nothing really laugh out loud funny here.  As an introduction to a new generation of fans, Mutant Mayhem works.  As entertainment for anyone over the age of eight, it misses the mark. 

AFROS, MACKS, N’ ZODIACS (1995) *** ½

Dolemite himself, Rudy Ray Moore hosts this highly entertaining Something Weird trailer compilation (while surrounded by a bevy of hot bikini babes sporting big Afros) of Blaxploitation movies from the ‘70s.  Even though I’ve seen many of these trailers before, there are undoubtedly some classics here.  Without a doubt, my favorite has to be the all-rhyming ad for Dr. Black Mr. Hyde.  (“A demon he could not control has taken over his very soul!”)  

There’s also plenty of trailers that represent the renowned stars of the genre like Pam Grier, in trailers for movies like Foxy Brown (“She’s here to do a job on the Mob!”), Sheba, Baby, and Black Mama, White Mama and Fred Williamson (Black Caesar, Hell Up in Harlem, and That Man Bolt).  Naturally, there’s a smattering of classic genre offerings like Blacula and Super Fly, but we also get a few trailers for concert movies like Wattstax and Soul to Soul, which adds some variety that’s not usually found in these things.  Other highlights include the trailer for Ebony, Ivory and Jade (“Angels of vengeance on a massacre marathon!”) and even a few previews for films I’ve never seen before like Super Dude and Cool Breeze. 

Of course, there are plenty of trailers for Moore movies like Monkey Hustle, Dolemite, The Human Tornado, and Disco Godfather.  The presence of Moore (totally in character as Dolemite) makes it a must-see for his fans, or of Blaxploitation movies in general.  He’ll occasionally cut in on the action to tell a dirty joke or two (his “Mississippi” routine is great) before switching back to the main program.  It’s enough to make you wish more trailer compilations had hosts.  It all ends with a music video for Blowfly featuring cameos by such Blaxploitation stars as Isaac Hayes, Antonio Fargas, and Jim Kelly, who has a comedic fight/dance-off with Dolemite that’s worth the price of admission.  

The complete trailer list is as follows:  Blacula, Monkey Hustle, The Mack, Dr. Black Mr. Hyde, Dolemite, Cleopatra Jones, Foxy Brown, Ebony Ivory and Jade, Black Belt Jones, Shaft, Super Dude, Cotton Comes to Harlem, Trouble Man, Super Fly, Let’s Do It Again, Which Way Is Up?, Black Caeser, Hell Up in Harlem, Cool Breeze, The Human Tornado, Disco Godfather, Sheba Baby, Black Mama White Mama, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold, Scream Blacula Scream, Soul to Soul, That Man Bolt, The Soul of N****r Charlie, Across 110th Street, The Big Bird Cage, Book of Numbers, Trick Baby, and Truck Turner.