I, A WOMAN (1966) ***

While waiting for a lover to drop by, Siv (Essy Persson) flashes back to a time when she was shy, innocent, but curious about sex.  The fact she had an uptight fiancé didn’t help much.  While working as a nurse, she catches the eye of an older, experienced, and married patient named Heinz (Preben Mahrt) who deflowers her and encourages her to explore her sexuality.  She soon breaks things off with her fiancé and moves to the big city where she finds more lovers to satisfy her needs. 

I, a Woman was one of the pioneering films in the first wave of Swedish sexploitation.  Directed by Mac (Around the World with Fanny Hill) Ahlberg, it contains a solid structure for this sort of thing.  The nudity is tastefully done too with Persson mostly being seen in the buff via her reflection in the mirror or through a lacy curtain.  Ahlberg does some stylish stuff along the way too, like superimposing a church choir over Essy’s first sexual experience as a way to contrast sexual and religious ecstasy.  I also enjoyed the ending, which stops short of making any moral judgments on Essy’s actions, but merely presents where they have led her. 

While Ahlberg shows restraint, it’s almost to a fault.  Since it was an early version of the genre, it was able to skate by at the time with artiness and tastefully done sensual scenes.  That’s a double-edged sword though because that also means being among the first of its kind, it unfortunately lacks a lot of the unbridled horniness and rampant T & A that hallmarked later iterations of Swedish smut.  The trade off, and it’s an acceptable one, is that we learn what makes Persson’s character tick.  We understand her motivations and desires and because of that, it works as a fleshed-out character study, even if our character doesn’t show off a ton of flesh. 

Best line:  “You have erotic delusions of grandeur, my dear!”

Two sequels, both helmed by Ahlberg, followed. 

BUGONIA (2025) ****

Emma Stone and Yorgos Lanthimos reteamed for yet another modern classic.  I haven’t seen Kinds of Kindness yet, but with The Favourite, Poor Things, and now Bugonia, they have cemented their place among the greatest actor-director combos of the 21st century.  While I still think Poor Things is my favorite of the bunch, this is an awful close second. It’s an unpredictable, audacious, and outrageous jolt of cinematic insanity. 

Stone stars as a CEO who is targeted by a crazy beekeeper (Jesse Plemons) and his autistic cousin (Aidan Delbis) who kidnap her and lock her up in their basement.  Thinking she’s an alien, they shave off her head and cover her head to toe in lotion because… uh… reasons.  Then they demand to be taken to her mothership.  It doesn’t take long for Emma to realize she’s in deep shit as she must try to figure a way to outwit her captors. 

Part of the fun of Bugonia is the way Lanthimos slowly reveals just how nuts Plemons is.  Plemons is excellent as he plays his character as a sad and broken man, but he’s often hilarious and proves once again that he has some terrific comic timing.  (Although anyone who saw Game Night could’ve already told you that.)  Delbis is also ten pounds of hilarity in a five-pound bag as his reactions to the insanity around him (which are often only a word or two) gets some of the biggest laughs of the movie. 

Bugonia belongs to Stone though.  She once again proves to be one of the most fearless actresses of her generation.  She gives a command performance and the way she refuses to back down to her captors will have you cheering.  Even when the movie Goes There®, she continues to kick all kinds of thespian ass.  The totally bonkers ending will leave you shaking your head and doubting your sanity. 

In short, this is a special movie.  Probably the best of the year.  I’ve got to get on Kinds of Kindness ASAP. 

THE LOVERS’ GUIDE (1991) *** ½

This documentary, the first in a popular series, originally aired on British television.  It showed a surprising amount of sex and nudity, including some hardcore action.  Thanks to the clinical and “informative” nature of the special, they were able to escape the scissors of the censors.  In that respect, it kind of reminded me of those old nudist camp movies where everyone stands around playing volleyball naked because, you see… it’s a “documentary”.  I mean, no one in their right mind would watch a documentary just to see a lot of T & A.  Right?

After a brief segment on courtship, we go right into the bedroom.  (Or the bathtub as the case may be.)  There are informative sequences on Arousal (masturbation), Sensual Massage, Fantasies, Oral Sex, and Sexual Positions.  Since it’s essentially made for couples, there’s also a bunch of stuff about keeping things new, exciting, and stimulating for each partner. 

The dry narration about coupling and mating habits straddles the line between educational and cheeky (in a manner of speaking).  Classic words of wisdom like “Get to know your genitals… both aroused and unaroused!” make for some good laughs.  (My favorite bit of narration was when they referred to a guy who ejaculates prematurely as a “Trigger-happy man”.)  Speaking of laughs, wait to you see the part where the actress has to explore the “Male G-Spot”!

This might be a documentary and all, but the camerawork and lighting scream Skinamax.  It takes a while before we get to them, but the surprisingly graphic scenes of women playing with themselves is where the fun really begins.  The only downside to that is that out of the interest of fairness, that also means we are subjected to shots of dudes with rock hard dicks yanking their cranks.  Once we move into the sexual arena, things get XXX graphic.  While the film strives to be clinical, it still manages to be kinda hot. 

So, in the end, The Lovers’ Guide accomplishes two things simultaneously.  It manages to be the manual for lovemaking it was advertised to be, while also containing enough spank material for single viewers.  Because of that, I’d say it deserves high marks. 

LAST OF THE AMERICAN HOBOES (1970) ** ½

Ray Dennis Steckler regular Titus Moody directed this “semi-documentary” about hoboes.  You really don’t hear about hoboes anymore, and I guess they were slowly fading away at the time, which is probably why Moody made the movie.  Inspired by hearing his grandfather’s tales of hobo life, Moody decides to go undercover as a hobo for himself (wearing a ridiculously fake looking beard).  Moody mixes in real documentary footage of soup kitchens, hoboes who still ride the rails, and interviews with skid row inhabitants along with staged sequences of hobo stories.  We also learn how to read hobo messages and even meet a rare “Woman ‘Bo”.  His journey culminates with a hobo convention that features music, parades, and the crowning of the King and Queen Hobo. 

Even though there is a note at the beginning stating that some of the dialogue had to be redubbed, I have to say it’s pretty poorly done.  However, what the film lacks in technical proficiency it makes up for with sheer earnestness.  It’s meant as a tribute to men who were lost in their own generation, and in that respect, Moody accomplished what he set out to do. 

The scenes with real hoboes trying to get by are interesting.  The staged segments are the weakest parts though.  I’m sure Moody stretched his budget thin with all the period settings and recreations of true hobo accounts.  It’s just that these scenes have a tendency to drag (especially the long segment devoted to the “Hobo Kings”). 

Last of the American Hoboes is an uneven, but fascinating curiosity item to be sure.  Previously thought lost, it was revived by Vinegar Syndrome who released it as part of their Lost Picture Show Blu-Ray box set.  A soundtrack album featuring such bangers as “Christmas in Hoboville” and “There’s No Depression in Heaven” was available at one time.  Do you have your copy?

AKA:  The Last American Hobo.

THE VELVET TRAP (1966) ***

Julie (Jamie Karson) is a truck stop waitress who is raped by her sleazy alcoholic boss.  She then runs off and marries her photographer boyfriend Brad (Alan Jeffory) in Vegas.  When his model is a no-show for his new photoshoot, he asks Julie to pose for him ON THEIR WEDDING DAY!  But it gets worse for poor Julie.  The no-good lout runs off on her the very next day!  Stranded in Vegas, she tries to get a job as a showgirl but is accosted on the casting couch before getting Shanghaied into a life of prostitution. 

And I thought my week was bad. 

The Velvet Trap isn’t as tawdry as some of the sexploitation dramas from the era, but the fine location work makes it a cool little time capsule of Las Vegas in the mid ‘60s.  Scenes take place at the old McCarran Airport, the Stardust pool, and there’s a montage set on Fremont Street.  If you’ve watched so many of these things that take place in crummy New York apartments, the Vegas scenery will offer a nice change of pace. 

Although the skin quotient is kind of low for this sort of thing, The Velvet Trap is nevertheless engrossing, if only to see what predicament our poor heroine will find herself in next.  Try to keep track of all the times she goes out of the frying pan and into the fire.  It’s enough to make your head spin.  It all culminates in one of the bleakest and most depressing endings I’ve seen in a long time.  That’s saying something. 

Karson is very good as she tries her damnedest to stand up to her tormentors but just can’t seem to ever catch a break.  She only appeared in one other film, which is unfortunate.  Based on her work here, she could’ve gone places. 

CHUCK’S CHOICE CUTS (1982) ****

I was thumbing through The Psychotronic Video Guide the other day when I stumbled upon an entry for this compilation.  I had never heard of it, but it sounded intriguing.  I checked the internet, and luckily for me, it was on YouTube.  If you’re like me and you love compilations and clip show packages, check it out.  It’s awesome! 

Chuck (Chas Lawther) is a public access TV show host in Canada who is hanging out in the studio with his cameraman buddy Ryerson.  He rummages through his collection of old cool videotapes and plays them for the audience.  This is the kind of awesome television you used to see in the ‘80s. 

The clips are mostly pop culture ephemera that have been expertly curated by Chuck.  There’s rare music (like The Flamingos doing a rock number and a couple of old full-color Scopitones, which were kind of like the ‘60s predecessor to music videos), cartoons (Betty Boop and Superman), trailers (Monterey Pop, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, and Calypso Heat Wave), a chapter from a Zorro serial where the masked hero goes up against a badass gold Aztec robot, classic Hollywood bloopers (most of which just feature Ronald Reagan saying “goddamn”), creepy ‘50s kids shows (it kind of looks like the Eisenhower era version of today’s brain rot), and an old PSA about syphilis.  Chuck also gives you tips to care for your tapes and how to clean your VCR heads. 

While Chuck’s Choice Cuts is nearly two hours long, it flies right by.  The scenes where visitors drop by the studio and chit-chat with Chuck are easily the weakest bits, but they don’t detract from the fun.  I mean where else are you going to see trailers for Gimme Shelter and Plan 9 from Outer Space in the same program?

All in all, this is an essential relic of the VHS era.

THE HOT PEARL SNATCH (1966) *** ½

A drunk stumbles into a bar showing off some precious pearls.  He brags to the guy next to him and makes the mistake of showing him a map to where he found them.  The dude naturally steals the map, but as it turns out, he has a bad heart, so he can’t dive underwater.  He then hooks up with a desperate woman to find the pearls, but she is predictably out for herself. 

This sounds like a decent plot to a movie.  Heck, it even sounds like an actual movie.  However, The Hot Pearl Snatch is anything but.  I mean, it’s technically a movie as it shot on film, has actors, and is in focus (most of the time).  This is a film that blurs the lines between “good” and “bad” and “art” and “crap” as it is as confounding, confusing, and perplexing a nudie as you’re likely ever to see.  It is so inept that it manages to be enormously entertaining.  It features dubbing that makes a Doris Wishman film look technically proficient, and there are long stretches where the sound drops out entirely.  The editing is atrocious too as there are jump cuts in nearly every other scene or moments where scenes end abruptly for no reason whatsoever. 

The highlight is the mind-boggling scene where a lesbian painter forces herself on her sexy model.  The fact that the actresses keep giggling and wantoning kiss while acting (poorly) like they are fighting one another on a ratty pull-out sofa bed adds to the overall bizarreness.  Oh, and once the model is seemingly okay with everything, she consents to body painting!

But wait, there’s more.  This movie also contains gratuitous Mardi Gras footage, topless dancing, topless native dancing, topless phone calls, random bondage scenes, interracial lesbians, and the shortest doctor’s appointment in screen history.  It really is an action-packed way to spend fifty minutes.

If you can find The Hot Pearl Snatch, snatch it up!