ANNIHILATION (2018) **

A meteor crashes on Earth and creates what scientists refer to as “The Shimmer”, a giant translucent bubble that envelopes a swamp.  The government sends search parties into the ever-expanding bubble, but only Oscar Isaac has come out of The Shimmer alive, and barely at that.  His concerned wife (Natalie Portman) convinces the project leader (Jennifer Jason Leigh) to let her join up with the next mission.  You see, this time they’re going to send a team of lady scientists and soldiers into The Shimmer to find its source.  I mean the men clearly haven’t produced results, so why not let the women have their shot?   

The opening of director Alex (Ex Machina) Garland’s Annihilation is a real grabber.  The thrilling opening eventually gives way to endless scenes of women walking around while occasionally bumping into some pretty lame mutants.  The recipe for something special was there, but Garland brings no tension to the table once we enter The Shimmer.  It’s at this point where Garland, who had built up the mystery surrounding the giant bubble so well, throws up his hands and allows things to just sort of happen.  Instead of giving us a prolonged sense of dread or an unraveling of a mystery, he’s content to toss scenes from The Thing, Prophecy, Knowing, Alien, and whatever the heck the latest SYFY Channel Killer Crocodile flick was, put them into a blender, and hit the puree button.

Of course, I’m going to spoil the ending because it’s so hilariously stupid that we HAVE to talk about it.  After almost two hours of pussyfooting around, Portman finally comes in contact with the source of the whole deal and it turns out to be alien mass that speaks like beats from an EDM rave.  Then, if that wasn’t stupid enough, it turns into shitty looking Slenderman thing and together, the two of them do a re-enactment of the mirror scene from Duck Soup.  I shit you not.

Speaking of shit, you have to admire the grandiose way the movie shits the bed.  I mean when it shits the bed, it shits it hard.  Full force.  Clear through the mattress and down to the box springs.  When it shits the bed, there are no half-measures involved.  It shits it while looking at you dead in the eye knowing damned well you’re going to be the one to clean it up, and giving zero fucks along the way. 

Despite all that, the set-up is quite marvelous.  Leigh is excellent as the leader and Portman delivers another fine performance.  Besides, if you ever wanted to see Padme cheat on Anakin with Poe Dameron, here’s your chance.