MISTRESS OF THE APES (1979) ** ½

Pictures of an ape man surface from a remote jungle.  Susan (Jenny Neumann from Stage Fright) goes along with the expedition hoping to find her lost scientist husband.  Little does she realize the assholes who run the expedition murdered her husband and are now trying to put their paws all over Susan.

At first glance, Mistress of the Apes looks like your standard jungle picture.  Let it marinate a while because it soon proves to be exactly the kind of oddball Larry (Creature of Destruction) Buchanan movie that I find so fascinating.  It begins with a really involved and detailed set-up chronicling Susan’s unfortunate miscarriage.  It feels gratuitous and in poor taste but stick with it.  You won’t believe how Buchanan pays it off.

Mistress of the Apes is a good vehicle for the lovely Jenny Neumann.  She has a strong screen presence, holds her own against the grubby male cast, and looks great during her various topless scenes.  Her best scene though comes after the only female ape woman is killed and she suckles the ape baby to gain the tribe’s trust. She even partakes in ape man sex and winds up getting pregnant to keep the bloodline going!  Insane. 

The supporting cast is solid too.  Stuart (Faster, Pussycat!  Kill!  Kill!) Lancaster is a hoot as a grizzled poacher with his sights on getting back at Neumann.  Vampirella herself Barbara Leigh also provides some eye candy as a member of the expedition who is targeted by Lancaster and his rapist cronies. 

The tone of this thing is all over the place.  In addition to the aforementioned miscarriage scene, there’s a nasty sequence in which Leigh is raped, tied up, and has the crotch cut out of her pants.  This is immediately followed by a montage of Neumann cavorting around with ape men and fellating a banana set to the tune of a hilarious song called “Ape Lady” by a band that sounds like a bad Dr. John rip-off.  (The title tune is almost as funny.)  What did you expect from a Larry Buchanan movie?

There’s one way Mistress of the Apes doesn’t feel like your typical Buchanan picture:  The special effects are surprisingly well done.  Then again, it shouldn’t be surprising once you learn they were done by Greg Cannom and a young Rob Bottin.  In fact, they probably look a little TOO good because they lack the goofy charm of the monsters from Buchanan’s other movies.