Tuesday, February 19, 2019

REVAMPED (2008) ***


Jeff Rector (who also directed) finds out his wife is cheating on him.  Distraught, he stays up all night drinking and watching TV.  He sees a vampire infomercial that states they’re looking for new recruits.  He calls them up and the sexy Tane McClure arrives at his door to bite him.

The pre-opening credits sequence is a lot of fun and probably could’ve made its own self-contained short film.  The rest of the movie isn’t quite as good as that crackling opening.  However, it’s always a little bit better and funnier than you’d expect. 

Anyway, Rector gets caught up in a war between vampires and humans.  He doesn’t want the humans dead, which makes him an outcast in the vampire community.  Since he’s a vampire, it doesn’t earn him any friends with the humans.  The shit hits the fan when he’s is prophesized to be the “chosen one” who has the power to stop the vampire Armageddon.  

There’s some really funny stuff here that is sure to please fans of low budget horror-comedies.  My favorite part was the vampire “patch”.  Instead of weaning you off nicotine, it lessens your craving for blood.  Heck, even the most obvious jokes score laughs because of the game cast. 

And what a cast it is. Flash Gordon’s Sam J. Jones is a scarred vampire hunter, Fred Williamson is the Yelling Police Captain, Tane McClure and Christa Campbell are sexy vampire sisters, Martin Kove and Paul Michael Robinson are a pair of wisecracking cops, and Billy Drago is the head vampire.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg as there is a dozen or more recognizable faces in the cast.  Rector must’ve called in every favor he had in Hollywood to assemble a cast like this.  (Heck, even Kato Kaelin shows up.)

I can’t say Revamped is going to win any awards.  I can say, I had a blast watching it.  It’s fast-paced, funny, and one heck of a good time.

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