VELVET BUZZSAW (2019) ** ½

Josephina (Zawe Ashton) is a lowly assistant for a ruthless art agent named Rhodora (Rene Russo).  When she finds a dead artist’s complete body of work, Rhodora joins forces with her to profit off the discovery.  Along with an influential art critic named Morf (Jake Gyllenhaal), they set out to make the dead artist an overnight sensation.  Unfortunately for all involved, people who have come into contact with the paintings begin dying in bizarre ways.  

I tried to keep away from spoilers before going into Velvet Buzzsaw.  I was a fan of writer/director Dan Gilroy’s previous collaboration with Gyllenhaal and Russo, Nightcrawler and couldn’t wait to see what they had cooked up this time.  I guess if you hedge your expectations, you won’t be disappointed.  The film isn’t bad per se, but it doesn’t quite click either.  

This is one of those cases where the movie would’ve made a good hour-long Masters of Horror show, or better yet, a half-hour Tales from the Crypt episode.  Hovering around the two-hour mark, Velvet Buzzsaw is just too long and drawn out for its own good.  The first half is a satirical look at the various vapid caricatures that populate the art world. This portion of the film is still hit-and-miss, but it’s not without its charms.  The horror elements become more pronounced in the second half, and it’s a long wait.  Ultimately, these sequences are much too uneven to be truly effective, and more often than not come off feeling rushed.  Gilroy’s jabs at the art world are a bit too kind and the kills in the second half aren’t cruel enough, which makes the satire lack bite.  

The performances are solid across the board.  They’re more responsible for keeping you involved than Gilroy’s half-assed plotting.  Russo is fabulous as the shrewd and bitchy Rhodora.  I also had fun with John Malkovich’s subdued turn as an artist whose sobriety is preventing him from being successful.  Hereditary’s Toni Collette is equally amusing as an art buyer who gets a wild Phantasm-inspired death scene.

Gyllenhaal is the glue that keeps Velvet Buzzsaw from spinning off the tracks.  He gives a quirky, hilarious, and fearless performance.  The film has way too many supporting characters fighting for superiority, but whenever he is front and center, the movie really cooks.  His wild-eyed antics will probably launch a thousand memes and for that alone, it gets a marginal recommendation from me.