LADY ICE (1973) * ½

Donald Sutherland stars as a mechanic who rips off a priceless diamond necklace.  The next day, he hits on the boss’s daughter (Jennifer O’Neill) which gets him fired.  He eventually teams up with her to fence the necklace.  Little does she know, he’s really an insurance man working with a detective (Robert Duvall) to nab a ring of jewel thieves.

Directed by Tom (Breakheart Pass) Gries, Lady Ice is a largely dull caper film.  There are no real surprises, sparks, or tension here.  There’s also no energy from scene to scene, which makes things bog down awful fast. 

You can derive some fun from seeing Sutherland playing a badass.  He’s particularly cool in the opening scene where he steals the necklace at gunpoint.  This sequence is evidence that he could’ve easily played Richard Stark’s Parker if given the chance.  Too bad the movie never gives him another opportunity to duplicate that level of toughness.

O’Neill is one of the more underrated actresses of the ‘70s.  It’s nice to see her with such a sizeable role.  It’s just a shame that she isn’t given a whole lot to do.  The supporting cast is given less to work with.  Duvall is largely wasted, as is Patrick Magee, who plays O’Neill’s father.  It’s cool seeing a mustache-less Eric Braeden popping, but he is left in the lurch thanks to the thin script.

The narrative feels choppy too.  I’m usually the last person to advocate for longer cuts of a movie.  However, I have a suspicion that there’s a good two-hour film here that actually spends time on the characters and fleshes out the plot more.  At ninety minutes, it all just comes off as clunky. 

The ending is the worst part though.  O’Neill and Sutherland go through all that crossing and double crossing and where do they end up?  Standing around on the beach doing absolutely nothing and looking on while a boat chase occurs.  You’re guaranteed to be screaming at the TV, “THAT’S IT?” as the credits abruptly roll.  

AKA:  Danger.