THE HURRICANE HEIST (2018) *

The beginning has two young boys watching in horror as their father is killed by a violent hurricane.  Then, the storm sets its sights on the house where the two boys are hiding.  When it barrels down on them, the clouds form into the shape of a skull that screams maliciously as the opening title appears.

At first, I thought I had mistakenly put on one of those SYFY Channel Sharknado knockoffs.  Was this The Hurricane Heist or was it Skullnado?  Maybe Skelecane?   

Oh, would it surprise you that one of the boys is named “Breeze”?  Or that one of the screenwriters had the last name of “Windhauser”?  Probably not.

Unfortunately, the skull-faced cloud is the best thing the movie has going for it and it progressively gets worse from there.

So, there’s millions of dollars’ worth of old money that’s marked for destruction by the US government.  Maggie Grace is the gal in charge who’s supposed to make sure it all goes to plan.  Naturally, some thieves try to jack the shipment, which happens to coincide with the storm of the millennium.  It’s then up to the two (now grown) boys from the beginning (played by Toby Kebbel and Ryan Kwantan) to help Maggie thwart the robbery.

The Hurricane Heist was directed by Rob Cohen, a man who isn’t a stranger to stupidity.  Anyone who has seen XXX or Stealth can tell you that.  I don’t know if this is quite as bad as Stealth, but it comes awfully close.  Despite the enjoyable stupid opening skull sequence, the movie never really leans into its silly premise.  There are moments that flirt with awesomeness (like when Kebbel throws hubcaps into the wind and they propel into the bad guys) but they almost always come up short.  I mean you can only take so many scenes of people being blown away by the wind and/or getting hit with crashing waves before it gets a bit old.  

Overall, The Hurricane Heist left me feeling under the weather.  It rained down scene after scene of emotionless dialogue, ludicrous plotting, and half-assed action sequences.  This had potential to be a so-bad-it’s-good movie, but the unrelenting sense of non-fun takes the wind out of its sails.  That is to say, it blows.  

AKA:  Hurricane.