I never saw the original Season’s Greetings (alas, it’s not on Tubi), but if this column has taught you anything about me, it’s that I will readily watch a sequel even though I’ve never seen the first film in the series.
A schlub in an ugly Christmas sweater sits by a fireplace and relates three tales of Yuletide terror to the audience. First up is “The Manger” (**). A young alcoholic woman is on the run from a cult of bird-women Satanists. She eventually decides to stop running and confront them on Christmas, the day that their “new messiah” will be born.
This tale isn’t exactly a short story. It feels more like a scene that was taken from another movie. It’s not bad or anything. It just seems like you’ve channel surfed into the last fifteen minutes of something. There is a semi-twist at the end, although it feels more like a foregone conclusion than anything. The sight of sexy Satanic lesbian bird women is pretty memorable though.
The next story is “Merry Fucking Christmas” (**). When a woman finds her sister has been sleeping with her boyfriend, she decides to spend Christmas at an airbnb. Little does she know a killer has snuck into the house to spread a little Christmas fear.
Whereas The Manger felt like an isolated scene from a movie, this feels like an entire film compacted into fifteen minutes. It’s not very original or memorable, but it is at the very least competent and well made. Too bad the ending is so abrupt. (Maybe that was supposed to be the “twist”.)
“The Naughty List” (***) is the final tale. Santa gets fed up with seeing the same names on the Naughty List year after year, so he sends an elf to take care of business. The elf crashes a Christmas party full of foul-mouthed delinquents and sets out to cross them off the Naughty List for good.
The set-up is fun, and it wastes no time diving into its simple, but entertaining premise headfirst. Although the elf seems to be clearly modeled on Art the Clown from Terrifier, he’s still sort of amusing. His choice of Christmas-themed weapons is often good for a laugh too. (My favorite was the snowflake decorations that doubled as Ninja stars.) Santa gets the best line of the movie when he tells the elf, “I want you deck the halls… with blood!”
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