MITCH ONCE AGAIN APPEARS ON THE DTVC PODCAST

Matt from The DTVC Podcast invited me yet again to appear on the show.  This time we delved into Ghost Rider:  Spirit of Vengeance and discussed all things Nic Cage and Marvel.  It was a lot of fun, and I hope you guys and gals enjoy listening to it: DTVC Podcast 145, "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" by DTVC Podcast (spotify.com)

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: STRIKE FORCE (2004) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

Strike Force opens with an action scene with such rapid-fire editing, I thought for a second it was the trailer for the movie and not the actual movie.  Now, there’s not nearly this much action in the rest of the film (the finale is a similarly rapid-fire affair), but it does set the tone nicely.  

It also has a pretty incredible cast.  In fact, neither the DVD box nor the opening credits even tell you some of the biggest names in the movie.  William Forsythe is front and center (and deservedly so), but there’s no mention of Ed Lauter, who plays the guy who gives Forsythe his mission.  There’s also Michael Parks (who basically appears in what nowadays would’ve been a Zoom call) as the guy who hires Forsythe.  Best yet, Burt Reynolds appears briefly as a character called “Irish” (although sometimes his accent sounds more Cuban).  None of these guys are advertised anywhere (even IMDb hides Burt as the last name in the credits), so it was fun whenever a great star unexpectedly showed up. 

Heck, even the stars that we know up front are in the movie are pretty sweet.  We have Daniel Bernhardt as Forsythe’s right-hand man, the Wishmaster himself, Andrew Divoff as the villain (who in one scene attends a luau wearing a Speedo while holding his dog), Mattias Hues as Divoff’s kickboxing champ, Christopher Atkins as one of Divoff’s slimy associates, and Erika Eleniak, who gets to prove she’s more than just arm candy as she has her own kickboxing scene.  The movie itself is solid, but the cast almost makes it more than a sum of its parts. 

I guess I should tell you about the plot.  Forsythe (who co-wrote and co-produced) is the leader of a team called “The Librarians” who specialize in extraction.  They are hired by Parks to go down to Miami to find a missing girl, and learn she’s run afoul of some white slavers led by Divoff. 

Strike Force feels like one of those “Action Pack” TV movies from the ‘90s, and I mean that as a sincere compliment.  It has a lot of guest stars, a simple plot, and solid action, all befitting a TV movie and/or pilot.  I also liked the subplot where Divoff holds underground kickboxing matches, which gives Bernhardt and Hues a chance to show their chops.  

The movie really belongs to Forsythe though.  He looks like he’s having fun in a rare hero leading role.  Seeing him playing off the spectacular list of co-stars doesn’t hurt either.   

AKA:  The Librarians.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: ALL MEN ARE APES! (1965) * ½

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

All Men are Apes! begins with some truly great opening narration:  “The film you are about to see concerns sex.  And why not?”  Too bad it’s all downhill from there. 

Diane (Steffi DePasse, in her first and only role) relates flashbacks from her prison cell and tells the audience how she wound up there.  It seems she banged her mother’s sailor boyfriend before becoming entangled with a manager who wanted to make her a stripper.  Soon, she’s headlining and leaves him for another guy, who turns out to be an abusive mobster type.  Eventually, Diane gets a job stripping with an ape as her second banana (no pun intended). 

All Men are Apes! was directed by Joseph P. Mawra, the man who gave the world the classic exploitation series of Olga movies.  Sadly, it’s sorely lacking the depravity and fun of those films.  It ultimately boils down to a bunch of off-kilter moments that are strung together with bitter sounding narration, and… well… it doesn’t add up to a whole lot. 

Most of the time, Mawra tosses padding on top of more padding, hoping that it will somehow stick, but unfortunately, none of it works, outside of a couple of goofy bits. The film flirts with coming alive during the long scene halfway through the film when Diane attends a wild party.  During this sequence, a masked “Peacock Girl” is auctioned off to the highest bidder, a woman is pelted with plums, and a belly dancer performs.  The would-be scintillating moments are tepid at best and aren’t much to write home about either.  I mean, I’m a fan of movies where guys in crappy ape suits cavort around with sexy women, but even this one was a bit of a struggle to get through.  (It doesn’t help that the ape doesn’t show up till the last five minutes.) 

Oh, and The Ink Spots (in what’s probably the lowest point of their career) are seen briefly performing in a strip club. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: ECSTASY ON LOVER’S ISLAND (1961) ** ½

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Frank (Doug Leith) and Marion (Dwan Marlow) are a recently married couple who go to Vegas on their honeymoon.  Marion wants to do something special for the occasion, so they go out and find a deserted island in the middle of a lake for a little solitude.  Of course, Frank forgets some supplies and has to go back into town, leaving Marion all alone to do some skinny-dipping.  It doesn’t take long before she is menaced by a crazed lumberjack rapist (Anton von Stralen). 

Even though Ecstasy on Lover’s Island (which is what the print calls it, even though it’s referred to as Honeymoon of Terror everywhere else on the Blu-Ray) is only an hour long, it’s still padded with long scenes of the couple boating, having flashbacks to crap that happened ten minutes ago, and taking in the sights of the Vegas Strip.  While it’s nice to see shots of old Vegas, it’s obvious the couple aren’t anywhere near the town limits as they have been awkwardly edited into snippets of travelogue shots of the town, footage of nightclub acts, and scenes of other people gambling.  It also stinks that the couple turn the lights out when they finally consummate the marriage. 

The scenes of Marion on her own and enjoying nature (there’s some fleeting glimpses of nudity) are kind of fun.  Her inner monologues are funny too.  (She says, “God really knew what he was doing when he made the sun!” while sunbathing.)  The cat and mouse chase between her and the “loco” lumberjack takes up much of the second half.  These sequences were pretty much the entire reason the film was bankrolled.  I’ll admit they aren’t exactly suspenseful, but this portion of the picture is at least mildly entertaining, even if it threatens to get repetitive before the finale. 

AKA:  Honeymoon of Terror.  AKA:  Wild Lust.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE MONSTER OF CAMP SUNSHINE (1964) *** ½

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on July 17th, 2007)

This fun nudie monster movie, in the spirit of The Beast That Killed Women, is a must for people who like their nudist colony movies with a touch of monsters thrown in. And it’s SILENT! Before we get to the monster attacks though, we get to witness nude kite flying, skinny-dipping and even a naked birthday party! When the caretaker Hugo turns into a monster and attacks the nekkid ladies, a helpful doctor parachutes in to save the day. The army is also called in and we get to see some hilariously gratuitous army stock footage. There’s also some cool Monty Python style animation in there too. The corny silent movie titles are also great (my favorite: “Thank that great surgeon in the sky!”) and add to the fun.

QUICK THOUGHTS:

I hadn’t seen this in over a decade, so I forgot it takes a while to get going, but once it does The Monster of Camp Sunshine is frequently hilarious.  The impetus for the trip to the nudist colony is great as the nudist becomes all shook up when she is attacked by crazed lab rats.  The “Everything but the Kitchen Sink” finale is still a thing of B-Movie beauty, and the “summary” of the film’s events at the end is fun too. 

Like the early nudist movies, there are long conversations about the benefits of the nudist lifestyle.  This isn’t really necessary in a monster movie, but it helps to pad out the running time.  As a nudist film, it must be said there are some really innovative nudist scenes here.  I’ve sat through a lot of these things, and I have to tell you, The Monster of Camp Sunshine contains some of the best.  

Here’s the complete nudist rundown.  We have:  Nude sunbathing, nude smoking (What better way to enjoy the “healthy” nudist lifestyle than to smoke cigarettes while lounging naked outdoors?), nude kite flying, nude swimming, nude zither playing, nude van unpacking, nude marshmallow toasting, nude weenie roasting, nude birthday party (possibly the only cinematic instance, and therefore, highly recommended), nude sparkler waving, and nude fending off a monster.  It also may be the earliest progenitor of a slasher movie as a deformed axe killer stalks nude women at a summer camp.  If that doesn’t scream “must-see”, I don’t know what does.

AKA:  The Monster of Camp Sunshine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Nature.  AKA:  Monster at Camp Sunshine. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: VENGEANCE OF THE CRYING WOMAN (1974) ** ½

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on February 5th, 2020)

The Vengeance of the Crying Woman offers a slight variation on the established Lucha Libre formula.  This time, instead of El Santo’s sidekick being a masked Mexican wrestling colleague, it’s boxer Mantequilla Napoles lending him a hand.  While it’s nothing revolutionary or anything, Napoles’ boxing sequence is a nice change of pace, especially if you’ve sat through as many of these things as I have.  

A kindly old professor asks El Santo and Mantequilla to help him look for a treasure that once belonged to the legendary “Crying Woman”.  Since the professor wants to donate the gold to local children’s charities, El Santo readily agrees.  He and Mantequilla accompany the professor to a cave that houses the crypt of the now mummified Crying Woman.  When they remove a priceless necklace from the tomb, they accidentally resurrect the Crying Woman, who goes around terrorizing the children in town.  Meanwhile, a nefarious gangster (played by frequent El Santo director Rene Cardona, Sr.) wants to get his hands on the treasure and sends his goons out to hassle El Santo.

There’s plenty of atmosphere to go around, but the various subplots never really mesh.  Although there are highlights to be sure, The Vengeance of the Crying Woman often feels like three movies randomly stitched together.  The scenes of the windswept villainess are striking and strangely beautiful, but the stuff with the gangsters is just kind of routine.  While it’s fun to see Cardona Sr. as the gangster villain, his plotline never really intersects with the Crying Woman in a meaningful way.  Also, it’s a big letdown that neither El Santo nor Mantequilla battle the titular terror.

It’s a shame too, because this is one of the better looking El Santo movies.  I especially loved the Scooby-Doo style scenes of the girls walking around the caves with flashlights.  The shots that alternate from night to day also give the horror sequences a bit of an Ed Wood vibe, which put a smile on my face.

The wrestling sequences look really cheap too.  Both of El Santo’s matches (not to mention Mantequilla’s fight) take place in a ring that is set in front of a blue background with not a fan in sight, only the sound of a crowd.  The fights that occur outside of the ring are solid though.  The sequence where El Santo and Mantequilla get jumped in an alley by a dozen or so of Cardona’s men is the action highlight.

It’s the creepy Crying Woman who steals the movie though.  Her sequences are among the most atmospheric in the entire El Santo series.  Too bad her character almost seems more like an afterthought than an honest to goodness villainess.

AKA:  The Revenge of the Crying Woman.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DR. FRANKENSTEIN (1974) ****

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Dr. Frankenstein is trying to perfect the art of brain transplantation.  When the experiments fail, he sends the zombified patients out to kill their loved ones.  Dr. Frankenstein soon becomes convinced that Mexican wrestling champion, El Santo is the only one strong enough to withstand the operation.  When El Santo eludes his grasp, Frankenstein puts a mask on his monster and sets up a wrestling match against him to get revenge. 

Frankenstein’s lab is really cool.  It looks more like something out of a futuristic Sci-Fi flick than your typical Frankenstein movie.  It certainly looks more expensive than something you’d see in your average El Santo outing, that’s for sure. 

It's also interesting that Frankenstein’s monster, “Golem” is portrayed by an African American actor.  This can be seen as either progressive, or as the filmmakers’ attempt to cash in on the then hot Blaxploitation craze.  (Although he just amounts to nothing more than a bald dude with stitches around his head.)

Frankenstein’s ultimate goal is to bring his wife (who died of brain cancer) back to life.  Frankenstein, like his daughter in Santo vs. Frankenstein’s Daughter, possesses the secret of eternal youth, which gives the film some sense of continuity, even though it’s more likely that they’re just ripping off previous El Santo movies. 

Some of this might sound like “criticisms”, but I assure you, they’re merely observations.  None of the above diminishes from the fun, and trust me, there’s plenty of fun moments here.  I think my favorite bit came when El Santo’s pal, Blue Demon disguised himself as a surgeon, humorously wearing a surgical mask over his Mexican wrestling mask.  Plus, you’ve just got to love the kooky score.  More fistfights in films should be accompanied by xylophone solos if you ask me. 

As with Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dracula and the Wolf Man, the wrestling matches take place in front of a blank screen with sounds of a cheering crowd dubbed in.  The first bout is a tag-team match featuring El Santo and Blue Demon.  (Some of the action is needlessly sped up in this sequence.)  The second is another tag-team match, but at least there are insert shots of the crowd this time out.  The finale where El Santo fights the masked monster is set against a red backdrop, which gives it a cool, hellish look. 

It sometimes feels as if El Santo and Blue Demon are getting lost in the shuffle with all the various subplots, but it’s hard to get upset when one of the subplots involve two sexy undercover detectives.  Speaking of hot tamales, the film also boasts a saucy performance by Sasha Montenegro as El Santo’s girlfriend.  In one scene, El Santo tells her there’s a maniac on the loose, and she brushes him off and says, “He’s only killed TWELVE women.”  You’ve got to admire that kind of spunk.