FORMAT: BLU-RAY
All Men are Apes! begins with some truly great opening narration: “The film you are about to see concerns sex. And why not?” Too bad it’s all downhill from there.
Diane (Steffi DePasse, in her first and only role) relates flashbacks from her prison cell and tells the audience how she wound up there. It seems she banged her mother’s sailor boyfriend before becoming entangled with a manager who wanted to make her a stripper. Soon, she’s headlining and leaves him for another guy, who turns out to be an abusive mobster type. Eventually, Diane gets a job stripping with an ape as her second banana (no pun intended).
All Men are Apes! was directed by Joseph P. Mawra, the man who gave the world the classic exploitation series of Olga movies. Sadly, it’s sorely lacking the depravity and fun of those films. It ultimately boils down to a bunch of off-kilter moments that are strung together with bitter sounding narration, and… well… it doesn’t add up to a whole lot.
Most of the time, Mawra tosses padding on top of more padding, hoping that it will somehow stick, but unfortunately, none of it works, outside of a couple of goofy bits. The film flirts with coming alive during the long scene halfway through the film when Diane attends a wild party. During this sequence, a masked “Peacock Girl” is auctioned off to the highest bidder, a woman is pelted with plums, and a belly dancer performs. The would-be scintillating moments are tepid at best and aren’t much to write home about either. I mean, I’m a fan of movies where guys in crappy ape suits cavort around with sexy women, but even this one was a bit of a struggle to get through. (It doesn’t help that the ape doesn’t show up till the last five minutes.)
Oh, and The Ink Spots (in what’s probably the lowest point of their career) are seen briefly performing in a strip club.
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