LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMANUELLE AROUND THE WORLD (1977) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:  

(As posted on September 15th, 2007)

Laura Gemser returns as the beautiful bed hopping, globetrotting reporter Emanuelle in this fourth installment in the “Black Emanuelle” franchise directed by legendary sleaze merchant Joe (Beyond the Darkness) D’Amato. This time she goes from Italy to Hong Kong to The Middle East trying to bust a white slavery operation, while still having the time to hop on over to India to debunk a famous sex guru played by George (The Grim Reaper) Eastman. Oh yeah and she has lots of dirty sex along the way.

While not quite as jaw dropping as Emanuelle in America (hey what could be?), it still features one outrageous scene where the Chinese slaver forces a woman to hump a dog while he puts a snake up another girl’s pussy! It’s not on par with the horse fucking scene from Emanuelle in America, but it will do in a pinch I guess.

Although Gemser is stunning and the sex is plentiful and the film is hardly boring it does make a few missteps here and there. The pacing stops and sputters every time D’Amato frantically whisks Emanuelle off to her next exotic location, often leaving the plot in the dust. (Nearly every scene begins with a voice over conversation to clear up just how the hell Emanuelle got there.) Not that the plot hardly matters in a movie like this, but every time D’Amato introduces a potentially interesting character (like the horribly scarred rapist who looks like Darkman’s inbred uncle) or situation (like when some skuzzy politicians throw a girl to a bunch of homeless dudes who unexpectedly rape her) he ends things so abruptly that we never get a satisfying payoff to these scenes. Like Emanuelle in America, D’Amato tosses in some random ass XXX footage during the sex scenes, but they’re edited in so clumsily that they become devoid of any titillation whatsoever.

Despite these major flaws, Emanuelle Around the World remains highly entertaining and is a must for any Gemser or D’Amato fan. Sadly although we see Emanuelle going around the world we never truly see her go “around the world” if you know what I mean and I think you do.

AKA: Confessions of Emanuelle. AKA: The Degradation of Emanuelle. AKA: Emanuelle Versus Violence to Women.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMANUELLE IN AMERICA (1977) ****

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMANUELLE IN BANGKOK (1976) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:  

(As posted on September 15th, 2007)

Sometimes writing the plot synopsis of a movie is kinda tricky because you don’t want to give away certain plot points or little surprises. Other times you want to let everyone know about this one great part to get their attention because that one scene is about all the movie has to offer. This synopsis is quite simple: Emanuelle (Laura Gemser) goes to Bangkok and gets naked and has sex. A lot. I mean seriously, that’s what it’s all about. No plot. No motivation. Just Emanuelle. In Bangkok. Having Sex. Why they didn’t just call the movie Emanuelle in Bangkok Having Sex a Lot is beyond me. (Maybe it wouldn’t fit on the marquee.)

But I’m getting off topic here. Where was I? Oh, anyway, so Emanuelle goes to Bangkok and has sex. A lot. First with an anthropologist (played by her husband Gabriele Tinti), then with a host of others, all the while randomly getting naked every chance she gets. Then she gets a sexy massage from an Asian chick who gives her a bath in a very imaginative way: she jumps in the bubble bath and then rubs herself against Emanuelle’s naked body. Genius. Then she gets naked for her bellhop (who gives her a massage) before going off to watch a stripper pour candle wax all over herself. Next, she participates in a pot fueled orgy before getting ANOTHER massage, this time from studly Ivan Rassimov (who would later go on to star in Emanuelle Around the World and Emanuelle in the Country). And so on, and so on, and so on. At one point she gets gang raped, but her promiscuous level is so high that I’m sure all they had to do was ask.

All this plays against positively one of the goofiest musical scores in the history of cinema. Seriously it sounds like the banjo player from Deliverance teamed up with The New Christy Minstrels and tried to reach that New Age Enya market or something.

Director Joe D’Amato does a credible job with his first entry in the series and gives the fans exactly what they want to see, namely Emanuelle getting naked and having sex a lot. (Sample of a typical scene: Emanuelle walks into a room and disrobes. She notices someone in the next room all hot and heavy. She bones them. Repeat.) He would go on to direct FIVE sequels (some unofficial, but if it features Emanuelle naked it counts in my book), the most infamous being Emanuelle in America, which is still the best. Emanuelle in Bangkok may lack the later sequels’ sleaze factor and general WTF quotient (although we do get to see a snake fight a mongoose), but it can’t be beat for the sheer amount of gratuitous nudity. I mean you can’t help but like a movie where the leading lady can’t keep her clothes on for more than 48 seconds at a time. (It gets an automatic four-star rating if you have a masseuse and/or bathing fetish.)

The dubbing is of course atrocious but adds to the flick’s charm. The dialogue is just as bad, especially when Emanuelle cries out, “I feel naked without my camera!” I mean Jesus Christ lady; you’re naked for 70% of the movie, what’s one more second? But it’s Rassimov gets the best line when he tells Emanuelle, “You’re not like them; you’re different. You understand how to control your ecstasy.” 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: BLACK EMANUELLE 2 (1976) **

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:  

(As posted on March 2nd, 2008)

For whatever reason, Laura Gemser decided not to reprise her role as “Black Emanuelle” for the first sequel in the long running series, so we’re stuck with Sharon Lesley.  She’s nowhere near as hot, sexy or entertaining as Gemser, but at least she’s actually BLACK!  (Gemser was Indonesian.)  She’s got a nice rack too, so that helps somewhat. 

 

In this installment, Emanuelle has amnesia (stemming from a bombing in Beirut) and gets locked up in a looney bin.  Her doctor tries to get her to remember her identity, but mostly he's too busy dealing with his nymphomaniac niece who always wants to fuck him.  During the course of the movie, Emanuelle is whipped in a dungeon, has sex with her photographer, gets groped by a homeless street musician, has sex with a basketball player during halftime, has a lesbian tryst with the doctor’s niece, does some nude body painting, and gets gangbanged by a bunch of bikers. 

 

The story is told in flashbacks Rashomon style (some people remember things differently and we see the same scene play out through their different points of view), which makes things needlessly arty.  This installment is rather light in the sex and sleaze department and at times almost seems like an R rated version of General Hospital.  Lesley doesn't come close to matching Gemser's magnetism, but as unrelated sequels of rip-offs that don’t feature any of the same actors go, you can do a Hell of a lot worse.  

 

Dagmar (House by the Cemetery) Lassander co-stars as the psychiatrist’s frigid wife and gets the movie’s best line:  “Up your fat fanny with you and your Freud!” 

 

AKA:  The New Black Emanuelle. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: BLACK EMANUELLE (1975) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Even though I’ve seen about a dozen or so Black Emanuelle movies, I somehow never got around to seeing the first one.  Since Severin’s Sensual World of Black Emanuelle box set has been sitting on my movie shelf for a while, I figured it’s high time to remedy the situation.

Laura Gemser is Emanuelle, a famous photographer on assignment in Africa.  She stays with a wealthy couple on their vast estate and soon learns her new hosts, Ann (Karin Schubert) and Gianni (Angelo Infanti) know how to get freaky.  She also becomes acquainted with the various freewheeling couples who are in Ann and Gianni’s inner circle.  (Including a perpetually drunk Scotsman played by Gemser’s real-life husband and frequent co-star, Gabrielle Tinti.)  Predictably, Emanuelle gets so caught up with boning everyone in sight that she forgets she actually has to take some photos or else she’ll lose her job.  After snapping exactly one photograph of a waterfall, it’s back to boning. 

Gemser (who is simply billed as “Emanuelle” in the credits) looks as stunning as ever.  Some might complain that she spends a lot of time admiring the bedroom antics of others before she finally gets down to business.   However, once she does…. YOWZA! 

Schubert is no slouch either.  I liked the scene where she is seduced by a gas station attendant while director Bitto (Black Emanuelle 2) Albertini not-so-subtly intersperses suggestive shots of a car at the pump getting refilled.  (The final scene where Emanuelle is gangbanged on a train is similarly accompanied by shots of steam whistles and pistons, although it's noticeably less effective.)  There’s also a great sequence where she and Gemser go on a photo safari and wind up taking more shots of themselves nude than the animals. 

All this seems rather tame compared to the wilder entries that came later.  Then again, I guess that’s to be expected from the first film in such a long running series.  Still, it’s surprisingly well made, which is something that can’t be said for some of the Emanuelle rip-offs that were released further down the road. 

This will be the first film of many in Severin’s The Sensual World of Black Emanuelle Blu-Ray box set.  I don’t tend to discuss bonus features in this column, but I have to give a shout out to Severin for designing what has to be the physical media release of the millennium.  Not only is it packed with special features, commentaries, and documentaries, it has some of the best bonus items I’ve ever seen.  Most box sets include a book, as this one does, but how many home video releases include a magnetic fashion play set, a board game (which is a helluva lot of fun), a necklace, passports, and even a travel bag!  To say Severin outdid themselves is an understatement.  With this set, they have cemented their status as the best boutique home video label working today. 

AKA:  Wild Emanuelle.  AKA:  Emanuelle’s Holiday.  

THE FIRST OMEN (2024) ****

The First Omen is bar none the best “Give Us the Child” movie in existence.  If you’re a sexy pregnant nun fan, then you’re in luck too.  The one-two punch of this and Immaculate is pretty incredible.  Two hot pregnant nun movies in a span of a couple weeks?  As a fan of hot pregnant nun movies, I have to say we’ve been eating pretty good here recently. 

Naturally, The First Omen is a prequel to The Omen.  It hits all the callbacks (or in this case, call-forwards) you would expect from a new installment of a long dormant horror franchise.  The filmmakers deliver variations on famous scenes from the first movie with just enough clever tweaks here and there to make it interesting. 

That’s to be expected.  What’s not expected is all the funky fucked-up places the movie goes in between these scenes.  Imagine a slightly less warped version of Possession and that might give you an idea of what we’re talking about.  Folks, I’ve seen a lot of shit in movies, and I shit you not, there is shit in this movie I ain’t never seen before.  In fact, there is one scene in particular where I wondered out loud, “Are you ALLOWED to show that in a movie?”  I’ve seen NC-17 flicks that don’t even dare to go this hard. 

I mean, this is a 20th Century Studios movie we’re talking about.  As in, formerly 20th Century Fox.  As in, owned by Disney.  Somehow, CEO Bob Iger was able to slip that wild ass shit in this movie and get away with it.  In an age where everyone bitches about CEO salaries, I must play the contrarian and say, “PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY!”  He earned that shit. 

Oh, and since this is a Disney movie, does that make Nell Tiger Free, the hot pregnant nun, a new Disney princess?  I sure as shit hope so.  I wanna get a photo of her and I at Cinderella’s castle next time I’m at Disney World. 

Free is incredible in this movie.  I thought Sydney Sweeney was a lock for “Best Actress in a Hot Pregnant Nun Movie” after her turn in Immaculate, but lo and behold, here comes Free to unseat her.  Remember when I compared the flick to Possession?  Well, she comes damn close to matching Isabelle Adjani when it comes to cavorting around with demons and undulating uncontrollably.  Folks, praise doesn’t come much higher than that. 

If you don’t want to be grossed out, don’t see this movie.  Theater patrons with weak constitutions headed for the exit at my screening long before the credits rolled.  The only other movies I can think of where that happened were House of 1000 Corpses and The Green Inferno.  That puts The First Omen in some elite company, if you ask me. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMMANUELLE 7 (1993) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  DVD

Sylvia Kristel returns to the series after a two-and-a-half film absence.  This time, she’s using the miracle of virtual reality to help a friend work through the sexual hang-ups of her past.  Together, they enter the virtual reality world and try to “reprogram” her old unfortunate memories with new sensual and pleasurable experiences. 

Virtual reality was a common gimmick for ‘90s Skinamax movies, so it’s only natural that the Emmanuelle series would dip its toe into the subgenre.  It’s also a neat way to include Kristel in the fun, while also using another actress (in this case, Annie Bellac) to play Emmanuelle during the flashbacks and nude scenes. 

The VR set-up is good for a laugh too as it employs some rather chintzy CGI graphics.  Also, ‘80s gamers will find something to chuckle about as they will immediately recognize the Nintendo Power Glove being used as part of the virtual reality suit.  Oh, and if you want to watch someone else’s virtual reality experience?  No problem!  Just put on a cheap pair of sunglasses and you’re good to go!  The biggest laugh comes courtesy of the computerized voice that says, “Insertion Activated!” once the VR client has finally gotten down to business with his virtual partner. 

The VR scenes themselves are pretty solid.  The best involves a woman who wants to be Marilyn Monroe who flashes passersby in a Seven Year Itch-inspired sequence.  Most of these VR movies play at living out fantasies through technology.  However, what makes Emmanuelle 7 memorable is the notion that characters use the technology as a chance to replay missed intimate moments.  I’m not saying this is exactly a thought-provoking film, but the fact that it deals with the psychological ramifications of lost opportunities at love is intriguing, and it’s handled in a more engaging manner than you might expect.  I mean, who wouldn’t want another chance at the “one who got away”, even if it was only in virtual reality?

Kristel also appeared in several straight to cable entries of the series the same year this was released. 

AKA:  Digital Love.  AKA:  Emmanuelle in Cyberspace.  AKA:  Emmanuelle’s 7th Heaven.