Saturday, March 30, 2019

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (2019) * ½


The third (and thankfully, final) in the series of Godzilla animated adventures for Netflix is one of the worst Godzilla movies on record.  It’s certainly nowhere near as good as the old cartoons, that’s for sure.  I mean, would it have hurt the animators to toss in Godzooky?

The explorers of a doomed space mission are stranded on Earth.  Still smarting from not being able to defeat Godzilla in the previous installment, they set out to find a way to stop him once and for all.  They turn to a cult of religious fanatics for help, whose “Golden God” winds up being none other than Ghidrah himself.  Naturally, it turns out to be a big mistake for all involved.

The Planet Eater starts slowly as it spends a lot of time playing catch-up with various exposition dumps and arguments about what to do with Godzilla.  Godzilla lies dormant for most of the movie, which means, like the other films in the series, we’re stuck sitting through a lot of talk.  This one is particularly heavy on boring religious discussions that clumsily try to equate Godzilla as some sort of God substitute.  

The new design on Ghidrah is… uh… different.  While it sort of retains the same golden dragon look we all know and love, it has this new ability to transform itself into this snakelike entity made of energy… or something.  The big confrontation between the two titans of terror is a letdown too as Ghidrah spends much of the fight leeching energy out of Godzilla.  The final fight is also abrupt and anticlimactic.  Even after it’s over, the movie continues on mercilessly for another ten minutes.

While it’s not quite as bad as the last entry, City on the Edge of Battle, The Planet Eater is definitely one of the lowlights of Godzilla’s long and illustrious career.  The filmmakers never give him anything worthwhile to do and he spends too much of the movie in a goddamned coma.  I wouldn’t blame you if you did too.  

AKA:  Godzilla:  Eater of Stars.

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