Don’t Fuck in the Woods has the typical boilerplate plotline you’d expect from a low budget horror comedy: A bunch of annoying characters (they look too long in the tooth to call “teens”) go camping in the woods, smoke a bunch of dope, have lots of pre-marital sex, and are promptly killed by something lurking in the dark. I guess the big difference is that instead of a killer in a mask, the characters are killed by a rubbery looking monster. So, at least that’s a slight change of pace.
The early scenes hold promise. The opening sequence in particular is surprisingly clever and laugh-out-loud funny. If only the rest of the movie had the same amount of ingenuity, it could’ve been a worthwhile parody of the genre. However, instead of spoofing the conventions of a horror film, Don’t Fuck in the Woods succumbs to laziness and decides to merely follow them.
The characters are your standard issue stock archetypes that usually populate these things. There’s the stoner, the horror nerd, and naturally, the horny teenagers. The big difference is the lesbians who actually manage to seem like a genuine couple. Or at least a lesbian couple you’d find in an indie drama and not a low budget horror spoof.
At 72 minutes, the movie is relatively short (it’s only an hour if you don’t count the credits and/or blooper reel), but it runs out of gas about halfway through when the jokes start to dry up. (The indifferent scenes of our heroes sitting around the campfire and playing games of Truth or Dare and Marry/Fuck/Kill help to pad out the running time.) Another problem: Despite a decent gut ripping scene, many of the gory bits feel rushed.
The good news is that the film is just as preoccupied with scenes of scantily clad women disrobing as it is with scenes of formerly scantily clad women being killed by the monster. Ultimately, there’s just not quite enough of these scenes to make Don’t Fuck in the Woods recommended. It’s almost as if the characters took the title seriously after a while.
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