(Originally posted July 17th, 2007)
Nudie director Doris Wishman directed two movies back-to-back with Chesty Morgan, a Polish actress whose only talent was her 73-inch bust. In their first film together, Chesty plays a woman whose husband is murdered by the Mob. She gets revenge by seducing gangsters and suffocating them with her humongous breasts! Pure genius! Chesty can’t act and looks embarrassed, but you won’t care. Unlike their follow-up, Double Agent 73, this one actually works pretty good as a revenge thriller (with 73-inch boobs that is). Porn star Harry Reems co-stars. This is a must-see cult film, that should be viewed at least once in your lifetime, though once is probably enough.
DORIS DECEMBER NOTES:
1) We are in Doris Wishman’s ‘70s exploitation era and that means one thing: COLOR!
2) There have been many great theme songs in Doris’s films throughout the years. Deadly Weapons’ “Hard Selling Woman” is at the very top. Second only to “The Hell Raisers” from Another Day, Another Man, in my humble opinion.
3) Doris also continues her hot streak with another awesome title sequence. Boobs and great music. What’s not to like? Especially when they are seventy-three-inch-boobs, and they belong to Chesty Morgan.
4) The first thing we see after the title sequence is over? FEET! This is Doris’s magnum opus.
5) Awkward sounding phone conversations, shoddy dubbing, random narration, women looking at their boobs in the mirror, shower/baths featuring an overly bombastic song on the soundtrack (“Hard Selling Woman”, again), everything you could possibly want from a Doris Wishman movie, PLUS Chesty Morgan’s incredible bustline.
6) The scene where the grieving Chesty’s tears fall onto her breasts is, as Martin Scorsese would say, “CINEMA!”
7) Deadly Weapons is one of the greatest revenge movies ever made not just because Chesty uses her boobs to kill the men who murdered her husband… but… yeah. It’s because of that. But honestly, the idea of a woman using the very thing that men desire most to lure and kill them is ingenious, and when the thing they desire most is a size 73, it just makes it that much better. People are often fond of saying bigger doesn’t always mean better, but Deadly Weapons proves those dumbasses wrong.
8) Chesty’s performance is one of the strangest in cinema history. Is she embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling exploited in her striptease scenes, or is just trying to act sexy and she’s just such a terrible actress that she fails spectacularly? Whatever the case may be, it’s one of those things that keep me coming back to this movie again and again. Well, that and her seventy-three-inch bust.
9) I love the one-eyed bad guy, Captain Hook. More revenge movies need mobsters with Peter Pan-inspired nicknames.
10) If Chesty looked embarrassed during her strip numbers, she looks lost and confused during Captain Hook’s breast suffocation scene. There are moments where she’s looking at the camera for direction that make the scenes even stranger than it would be if the character was played by someone with actual acting skills.
11) I’m not sure, but I think the guitar sting that is heard every time Chesty unveils her massive mammaries was stolen from the Torso trailer.
12) Wow. I never realized this before, but Doris stole some of the scenes of naked girls swimming underwater from her old nudie movies.
13) Harry Reems is great as the cackling mustachioed hitman and has one of the best death scenes in screen history. If I have a choice of how to shuffle off this mortal coil, that’s exactly how I want to go.
14) Despite successfully getting her revenge on the men who killed her husband, the film still ends on a downbeat and depressing note, which keeps it thematically aligned with Wishman’s roughie pictures.
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