(Originally reviewed Jan. 11th, 2008)
Doris Wishman, “The Queen of the Nudies” proved that she was truly the innovator of the genre when she directed this sci-fi tinged Nudie-Cutie. See, up to this time, most Nudie-Cutie movies had a documentary feel to them. They almost never strayed away from their principal location (namely some nudist colony) and were comprised almost solely of nudists playing volleyball, swimming and walking around totally naked. Instead of setting her movie in some random nudist colony, Wishman got the idea for the movie to take place on the moon where nudists would play volleyball (or at least an alien variation on volleyball), swim and walk around totally naked. That’s just the kind of trendsetter Doris was.
After the great opening theme song “Moon Doll”, the plot begins. An astronaut (who says, “Science is my life and nothing else!”) uses a three-million-dollar inheritance to build his own personal rocket ship and he and his mentor blast off to the moon. (“If all goes well, we’ll be back in Miami in four days!”) Of course, the moon looks just like your average nudist colony, except there’s gold rocks everywhere. About a half an hour into the movie, the astronauts (FINALLY) find the moon nudists who all look like the nudists of Earth except they have antennae and wear shorts. The nudists quickly capture the two astronauts and report to the Moon Goddess who uses telepathy to communicate. When the normally reserved scientist sees all the naked women he yells, “I feel like a schoolboy!” And for the next hour, the two scientists watch intently as women, men and even children parade around topless.
The women in the cast run the gauntlet from cute, to passable, to horsefaces, but with this many titties on display, you can’t really complain. Which leads me to my biggest gripe about the movie: The title is NUDE on the Moon, but everybody walks around in bikini bottoms. On the downside, we don’t get to see any of the girl’s bushes, but thankfully we’re spared the sight of seeing all the men’s frontages.
The goofy premise and novel setting distinguish Nude on the Moon from the rest of the pack, but honestly after about an hour of watching topless chicks cavort around with antennae on their head while men in spacesuits take notes, it gets a bit old. Seeing the astronauts fight the “gravitational force” of the rocket during liftoff is hilarious, as is the astronaut’s costumes and the aliens lack thereof. Honestly, if you’ve seen one nudist camp movie, you’ve seen ‘em all, but if you ever wanted to see lots of women parade around topless on the moon, then this will be your best bet.
Keep your eyes peeled for the theater marquee that advertises Hideout in the Sun, Wishman’s first movie.
AKA: Girls on the Moon. AKA: Moon Dolls. AKA: Nature Girls on the Moon. AKA: Nature on the Moon.
DORIS DECEMBER NOTES:
1) “Moon Doll”, is, as the kids say nowadays, a straight-up banger.
2) Since our hero is funding his own space program with an inheritance, does that make him the Elon Musk of the ‘60s?
3) MAN. I forgot how much padding the first act has.
4) Since there isn’t a lot going on in the early portion of the film, it at least gives you time to appreciate the excellent job AGFA did on the print. The movie has never looked better.
5) The scenes of the Moon Queen’s breathless telepathic whispering combined with the repetitive score would make a great ASMR video.
6) I think the reason Nude on the Moon is one of those “Close, but no cigar” movies is because there’s no real conflict. The astronauts just land, gawk at the nude moon women, and take notes and pictures. If it was one of those Queen of Outer Space/Cat-Women of the Moon deals where the heroes were in some actual kind of peril, it would’ve worked better.
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