I was excited when I saw this was added to Tubi. Even though I wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of the last Femalien sequel, Cosmic Crush, a new Femalien movie should be cause for celebration. I mean, how can you go wrong with a Skinamax flick featuring sexy space babes? As it turns out, things go very wrong very fast.
I was actually a bit taken aback by the opening Star Wars-inspired scene of spaceships engaged in a dogfight as it was a hundred times better than the effects seen in Cosmic Crush. I thought to myself, “Wow, producer Charles Band actually spent a little money this time out.” When Christine Nguyen showed up as the evil space queen, it brought a smile to my face. That smile broadened when I saw Erika Jordan as her sultry henchwoman. Then, it cut to Jazy Berlin and Brandin Rackley in the other ship and I thought… Hey! Wait a minute! I’ve seen this before!
About five minutes into the flick, I realized I was watching a re-edited version of Fred Olen Ray’s Dirty Blondes from Beyond. Charles Band didn’t pay for those special effects! Fred Olen Ray did. Band was cheaper than I thought.
But wait, it gets worse. As the movie goes on, it also tosses in scenes from Dean McKendrick’s Deadly Pickup and Intergalactic Swingers! Adding to the confusion is the fact that Kira Noir is introduced in the opening scene as Maxy Prime, the Femalien, but she also appears in the scenes from Deadly Pickup playing an entirely different character! Similarly, Jordan also appears as two different characters from two different movies as well, but I guess that slipped by the editor.
Watching a re-edited version of a bunch of Retromedia’s Skinamax movies isn’t the worst way to spend your time. That is, unless, this is going to be another one of those Full Moon movies they show on Tubi that have all the sex scenes cut out. Much to my chagrin, that was exactly what this mess was. Every time it looks like the actresses are about to get it on, it skips to another clip of another movie. Aside from one brief glimpse of a sexy alien babe swimming nude in the pool, it’s virtually skin free.
I guess if I was as lazy as Band, I could’ve just cut and pasted chunks of my reviews of Dirty Blondes from Beyond, Deadly Pickup, and Intergalactic Swingers together and slapped a new title on it. That wouldn’t have been professional. In fact, I probably spent more time putting this review together than Band and company did making the “movie”.
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