(Streamed via The Film Detective)
A deranged killer is running around Pittsburgh murdering women and robbing them of their vital organs. Birdwell (Jake Dengel) and Blocker (Joe Sharkey) are the cops on the case, and they haven’t been doing a very good job seeing how the murderer is up to victim number nineteen. Blocker then reaches out to the daughter of his former partner (Susann Fletcher) to help catch the killer.
Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh is basically another rehash of Blood Feast. As with the OTHER Blood Feast-inspired retread, Blood Diner, the emphasis is more on comedy than gore. At least Blood Diner had a goofy charm and sense of fun about it. This one just comes off like a fourth-rate Airplane! rip-off. Many of the gags are obvious (like the fake suspense music), tasteless (all the scenes with Birdwell’s wife), or just plain lame (Blocker is a homicide detective that… wait for it… can’t stand the sight of blood). There’s also a scene involving a plane crashing into a building that probably hasn’t aged too well.
Even the special effects by the legendary Tom Savini are subpar. I’m sure that had more to do with the film’s low budget than Savani’s considerable make-up prowess. While many of the victims are dispatched in over the top fashion, the results are more cartoonish than out and out gory. (There’s an OK face-ripping scene, but it’s indifferently staged.) I can only chalk up his participation to the fact it was filmed in his hometown of Pittsburgh. Or maybe he just needed to pay the rent.
The big problem is that it’s painfully unfunny. The cast just don’t have the comedic chops necessary to carry the non-horror scenes. The detectives don’t have any chemistry together and have even less comic timing. The only recognizable name in the cast is porn star Veronica Hart, who plays a clumsy waitress. Her antics fail to garner any laughs either, but at least whenever she’s on screen, the film fitfully comes to life. Then again, what can you say about a movie that takes a potentially intriguing concept as a trio of sexy (Egyptian?) Ninjas and still manages to screw it up.
AKA: Picking Up the Pieces.
I actually found this quite hilarious.
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