SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: BOOKS OF BLOOD (2020) *

(Streamed via Hulu)

Books of Blood is based on a trio of Clive Barker stories.  It was directed by Brannon Braga, a longtime writer and producer on various Star Trek movies and TV shows.  He should stick to that Vulcan shit because this is one book worth burning.    

The first book is about “Jenna” (*).  She’s a surly, angsty, anxiety-ridden teenager.  Something Bad Happened at School and she won’t talk about it, so her parents sent her to the Funny Farm.  Once she's back home, she goes off her meds, flips her shit, and runs away.  She stays at a boardinghouse ran by a seemingly nice couple, but eventually Jenna realizes she was better off in the nuthouse.

This story is by far the longest in the group (nearly an hour) and it is chockfull of annoying red herrings, failed set-ups, and missed opportunities.  There’s a lot made of Jenna’s fear of chewing, but nothing is ever done with it.  There’s also a lot of business with her wearing noise-cancelling headphones because of her phobia, and yet it’s almost instantly forgotten when the story goes into the homestretch.  Instead, it zigs when it should’ve zagged, and it hobbles along to a frustrating and maddeningly unsatisfying conclusion.  It also doesn’t help that the character herself is extremely annoying.

The second story is “Miles” (**).  A professor (Anna Friel) is grieving over the death of her young son, Miles when a man (Rafi Gavron) drops in on her claiming to have contact with her son.  Thinking he’s a charlatan, she sets to make an example of him, only to learn his gift is all too real. 

This tale is not very good, but it is a major step up from the first installment.  The twist is painfully predictable, and the performances are quite bland.  However, it moves along at a steady clip and at least has enough blood in it to justify the title (unlike Jenna).

The final story is “Bennett” (*).  Two hitmen murder a target (seen during the pre-title sequence of the movie) and take off in search of a valuable book.  Their quest leads them to a bad part of town, and by that, I mean it’s fucking haunted.  It doesn’t take them long to realize the book isn’t quite the antique they were expecting.

This segment tries to connect the stories a la Pulp Fiction.  (It even stars a pair of pop culture-referencing hitmen.)  Unlike Jenna, this story feels like it’s on fast-forward.  I actually thought I accidentally skipped a part, but no, it’s just really fucking choppy.  To make matters worse, just when you think it’s over, it cuts back for ten more excruciating minutes of Jenna’s story.

I don’t know why it’s so hard to do right by Clive Barker when it comes to adaptations of his work.  After he directed Hellraiser himself, it’s been all downhill.  In fact, this one is even worse than some of those DTV Hellraiser sequels, if you can fucking believe it.