LET’S GET PHYSICAL: FEMALE MERCENARIES 2: THE MAD DOCTOR OF ZOMBIE ISLAND (2008) **

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on March 2nd, 2023)

I saw this listed on Tubi as Mad Doctor of Zombie Island, which sounded promising enough.  After sitting through a long prologue about a giant meteor crashing into the Earth (it looks like a wad of aluminum foil), two chicks getting into a Kung Fu battle, and a scene featuring the slowest death via quicksand in screen history, I was kind of flummoxed.  At about the ten-minute mark, the title “Female Mercenaries 2:  The Mad Doctor of Zombie Island” appeared, and it started to make sense why it didn’t make sense:  It was a sequel to a movie I had never heard of, let alone seen.  

Ten more minutes went by, and I was hopelessly lost again.  Characters come and go.  They die, only to reappear as clones.  I was starting to pull my hair out.  

Fortunately, at about the twenty-minute mark, the movie revealed its true purpose:  Gratuitous nude scenes, strangulations, catfights, and bondage.  If the filmmakers had cut the useless first two reels and gotten right to the good stuff, this might’ve skated by with ** ½.  Maybe.  All I know is that things got markedly better the less the actresses wore.  

Anyway, the “plot” has a mad doctor (who I assume died in the first movie) cloning herself on her secret island so she can continue her diabolical experiments.  Every time one of her prisoners dies, she clones them.  Sometimes she turns them into werewolves?!?  After she turns a couple of guys into zombies, their girlfriends team up to storm the island and get revenge.  

No wonder this was so weird.  It was one of those W.A.V.E. Productions where you can basically write your own fetish video and they film it for you.  I guess all the catfights and bondage stuff was OK, but I certainly don’t have a fetish for longwinded prologues and incomprehensible plots.  (Not that you would watch something like this for the plot, but oh well.)  All that stuff got in the way of the fun.  It didn’t help that the sound was bad, and a lot of the dialogue was muffled.  Still, the overly dramatic death scenes were good for a laugh or two.  I also enjoyed the long, lingering shots of the actresses’ butts when they’re lying on the floor dead.  

I’ve been meaning to check out the W.A.V.E. documentary, Mail Order Murder.  I see it’s on Tubi.  I guess I know what tomorrow’s movie is going to be. 

AKA:  Mad Doctor of Zombie Island.