Tuesday, October 8, 2024

DAMSELVIS, DAUGHTER OF HELVIS (1994) *

Black Jesus (Adimu Ajanaku) lets loose his flock of biker gang disciples upon the Earth.  One of the badass babes has a brawl with a young, bullied girl named Damselvis (Sherry Lynn Garris), who is saved when the ghost of her father, rock singer Helvis (Brady Debussey) miraculously appears.  He then gives her a spangly jumpsuit and a motorcycle so she can stop Black Jesus and his evil minions once and for all. 

I’m all for weirdness for weirdness’ sake.  I also have a high tolerance for no-budget shot on video oddities.  And I can usually make time in my busy schedule for anything that’s only an hour long.  However, my big reaction to this hour-long weirdness for weirdness’ sake no-budget shot on video oddity is HUH?!?

It’s unfortunate too because having a lead character who is sort of like a sexy gender swapped mash-up of Elvis Presley and Evel Knievel should work.  It just… doesn’t.  It’s not just that the whole thing is so amateurish.  It’s just that nothing ever really happens, and when something finally happens, the flick still just sort of sits there like a stone.  The film’s impenetrable lore makes zero sense too (Damselvis is somehow able to resurrect dead cars?), the random solarized scenes are pointless, and the limited action scenes are pretty weak. 

In fact, the whole thing would’ve been pretty worthless if it hadn’t been for some gratuitous nudity, random lesbian scenes, and that one part where our heroine takes a leak in a field.  At only sixty-two minutes, it still drags like a sumbitch and feels at least three times that length.  If anything, it’s the only movie I can think of in which a Black Jesus turns into a werewolf, so it’s got that going for it, I guess.  

Writer/director John Michael McCarthy later went on to make Superstarlet A.D.

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