Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue is kind of like the Toon Town segments of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? cross-pollinated with an anti-drug PSA. It was funded by McDonald’s Children Charities to warn kids about the dangers of drugs. The unilateral support from studios and creators is still pretty impressive. The logistical licensing nightmare is probably one of the major reasons it’s never been re-released.
A little girl named Corey has her piggy bank swiped by her druggie brother Michael. Fortunately, Papa Smurf is on Neighborhood Watch, and he gets the Smurfs, ALF, Garfield, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Winnie-the-Pooh, Kermit the Frog, and Slimer to help get the kid on the right path. Meanwhile, Michael heads down to the local arcade where Smoke, an evil puff of smoke in the form of a jazz musician (voiced by George C. Scott!) is pressuring him to try crack. Bugs Bunny then shows up with a Time Machine to remind him how he got hooked on drugs. Back in the present, Michelangelo from Ninja Turtles drags him down into the sewer where Kermit, Miss Piggy, and Gonzo take him on a rollercoaster ride through his brain. Since Michael is so whacked out, that means he can’t even skateboard properly and falls off his board. Luckily, Huey, Dewey, and Louie are there to help him up, which leads to the biggest laugh: “Now I’m seeing ducks! Oh man! I’ve got to get off these drugs!”
The trio then lead the other cartoons in a show-stopping musical number “Wonderful Ways to Say No” (written by The Little Mermaid’s Howard Ashman and Alan Menken.) When that doesn’t work, ALF takes Michael through a hall of funhouse mirrors to show him the horrors of drugs. Meanwhile, Smoke tries to get Corey hooked on drugs while Michael has a bad trip in a scary amusement park. Daffy Duck then shows up as a fortune teller to show Michael his grim future.
Other famous cartoon characters that show up include George and Barbara Bush.
The surprising thing about this special is that all the cartoon pals stay true to their characters, which leads to some funny interactions. I liked that fact that some of them don’t even want to help. ALF has to threaten to eat Garfield and Simon and Theodore practically drag Alvin screaming into the caper. The oblivious dad is pretty funny too. When Corey says her brother is acting weird, he says, “Being weird is just part of being a teenager”!?! So, I commend the filmmakers for relaying the “message” with a sense of humor and without sacrificing the characters’ personalities.
In short, this is a lot of fun whether you’re five or fifty. It probably plays just as well if you’re clean or tripping balls too. Not that I would endorse that sort of thing. Miss Piggy might kick my ass if I did.
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