HINDSIGHT IS 2020: WW84 (2020) * ½

WW84 is one of the worst DC Comics movies of all time.  It’s not as aggressively bad and ugly to look at as Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn).  It’s just maddeningly uneven, overlong, and unfocused.  The actual on-screen title is WW84 by the way, and not the promoted Wonder Woman 84.  I’m not sure why that is, but WW84 is a lot easier to type than Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), so it has that going for it.

Director Patty Jenkins (who also directed the much better first film) tries to juggle three main plots.  Any one of them on their own could’ve probably sustained a movie.  As it is, they’re all crammed together fighting for superiority.  The best of the plots finds Kristen Wiig as Barbara Minerva, a nerdy co-worker of Wonder Woman’s alter ego, Diana Prince (Gal Gadot).  She gets her hands on a wishing stone (it looks like a crystal dildo) and wishes to be more like Diana.  Naturally, she doesn’t realize Diana is Wonder Woman, so she winds up with a bunch of superpowers she didn’t count on, which she readily uses to get back at the male population.  Later on, she gets a second wish to be more predatory, which turns her into the catlike Cheetah.  Even though her character is a rehashing of Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman and Jim Carrey’s Riddler (or Jamie Foxx’s Electro as they all play dorky characters who are obsessed with the hero), Wiig does a fine enough job with what she was given.  However, all bets are off once she takes on the Cheetah persona as she basically looks like a refugee from Cats.

The return of Wonder Woman’s boyfriend, Steve Trevor (once again played by Chris Pine) could’ve worked if it wasn’t all so goofy.  Instead of returning to life, his spirit just inhabits the body of some random dude.  Whenever Wonder Woman (and the audience) looks at him, all she sees is Steve.  This could’ve been a fun idea if they had gone for an ‘80s Body Swap kind of vibe, but the filmmakers do fuck-all with the concept. 

The villain, Maxwell Lord (The Mandalorian’s Pedro Pascal) could’ve been great.  He starts off as kind of a riff on those “Power of Positive Thinking” hucksters before he gets caught up in all the wishing stone nonsense.  That wishing stone, it must be said, is probably the stupidest plot device in a modern-day superhero movie.  You know you’re in trouble when the villain winds up being the fucking Wishmaster. 

Not only that, but the “be careful what you wish for” lesson is childishly oversimplified.  In the end, people learn they should never ever wish for anything ever.  It’s as if the movie is saying, “Never strive for anything.  Accept mediocrity”, which is fitting because the movie is as mediocre as you can get.   

There is some good stuff here.  It’s nice to see Gadot and Pine back together as their chemistry is as charming as ever.  You just wish the material was strong enough that you had a reason to care (leftover goodwill from the first movie notwithstanding).  

The action is a bit of a mixed bag overall, but the opening flashback sequence is leagues better than anything that follows it.  It’s so good you almost wish they just stuck with the Young Wonder Woman Chronicles for the rest of the movie.  The Commando-inspired mall fight that kicks off the 84 scenes is goofy, but kinda fun too. 

After that sequence though, the film takes a nosedive in quality.  Much of the problem has to do with the constant juggling of plotlines.  Some unnecessary scenes run on forever while a few, seemingly crucial scenes are cut short (or possibly left on the cutting room floor altogether).  Wiig is fine, but her character is so one note that she never really stood a chance to be a memorable villain.  Things continue to spiral when the movie begins to favor Pascal’s plotline.  Although he admirably overacts, his scenes are so relentlessly corny that they begin making the ‘70s TV show look downright gritty in comparison.  The ending is particularly lame.

At two-and-a-half hours, WW84 is a tough sit.  It’s tonally out of whack and has too many moving parts that don’t quite fit.  The biggest problem is that other than the opening montage (which plays like a tribute to Superman 3, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that), there’s no real attempt to make it feel like 1984.  Heck, if you came in twenty minutes late, you’d never know it was supposed to take place in the ‘80s.  I’m not saying they have to bombard you with nostalgia every minute, but even Diana outfits feel way too contemporary. 

I have a feeling I would’ve been even more underwhelmed had I seen this on the big screen in middle of the summer (if there wasn’t a pandemic, that is).  Seeing it at home on HBO Max kind of softened the blow.  You almost sense that Warner Brothers and DC knew they had a turkey on their hands and decided to shuffle it to HBO. Really, WW84 should’ve been 86’ed altogether. 

AKA:  Wonder Woman 1984.