Wednesday, October 25, 2023

THE 31 DAYS OF TUBI-WEEN: BABYSITTER MASSACRE (2013) ****

A babysitter is brutally murdered on Halloween night.  Seven years later, the killer returns and begins picking off members of her babysitter club one by one.  After each murder, he texts pictures of the victims to Angela (Erin R. Ryan) who is holding a babysitter reunion/Halloween party.  The killer eventually comes for Angela and her friends, and the tough-talking survivor of the group, Bianca (Marylee Osborne) is all-too ready to kick his ass.

While you’re watching Babysitter Massacre, one thing becomes crystal clear:  Director Henrique Couto knows how to make a movie.  Or at least a slasher movie.  (You can tell he knows what he’s doing when one of the characters namedrops Sorority House Massacre… 2.)  He gives us long scenes of hot naked women bathing before they are abducted, tortured, and killed, which is the sign of any good slasher director.  Not one to rest on his laurels, Couto also peppers the film with dramatic dialogue scenes, which give his actresses an opportunity to not only showcase their bodies, but their acting range as well.  It’s a nice and balanced… shall we say… tit for tat.

Couto delivers a particularly amazing sequence where an enormously chesty curvy nerd dumps a bag of Halloween candy all over her nude body as an act of seduction that is like some Criterion Collection level of filmmaking.  There’s also a scene where the babysitters find a mysterious package on their porch, bring it inside, and open it up… only to discover… It’s full of lingerie!  Then, the plot stops dead in its tracks so each lady can disrobe, try on lingerie, and model it for their friends.  Eat your heart out, Orson Welles!

The casting director deserved some kind of award too.  None of the actresses are below a C-cup.  If they ever start remaking Russ Meyer movies, Couto would be near the top of my the wish list.

Couto was also responsible for some great dialogue too, like, “Hold onto your britches, bitches!”

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