THE 31 DAYS OF TUBI-WEEN: THE BUNNYMAN MASSACRE (2014) * ½

The Bunnyman Massacre opens with a guy in a dingy bunny suit murdering a school bus full of children.  Isn’t that lovely?  Fortunately, he quickly pivots to killing big-breasted campers who are busy fornicating in the woods.  That’s shit’s more my speed.

These victims serve a purpose.  You see, the Bunnyman (Joshua Lang) kills people and then gives the bodies to his pal Joe (David Scott), a redneck who runs a grungy general store.  Joe, in turn, uses the flesh from the victims as the main ingredient for his homemade beef jerky.  When Joe kidnaps two sisters, the potential victims strike a bargain with their captors.  They’ll provide them with more jerky fodder if Joe and Bunnyman let them go. 

The Bunnyman Massacre isn’t exactly terrible, but the sheer overlength (one-hundred-and-four minutes) definitely takes a lot of wind out of the movie’s sails.  If the editor lost all the fast-motion shots of the moon and sun rising and setting (not to mention whittled down all the long walking scenes), this could’ve clocked in at eighty-nine (or heck, seventy-nine) minutes.  I’m not saying it would’ve saved the picture.  I’m just saying it would’ve got me onto watching my next shitty movie with the word “Massacre” in the title a whole lot quicker.

I will say the Bunnyman cuts a memorable image.  He looks like a hard-drinking version of Bugs Bunny.  Or maybe a mall Easter Bunny on meth.  It’s just a shame that Joe, a thoroughly generic redneck slasher if there ever was one, does much of the heavy lifting.  I did like the dinner scene between the two of them that kind of showed their day-in-the-life routine though. 

Look, I know characters are supposed to make stupid choices in horror movies, but these characters make some of the dumbest decisions I’ve seen in a long time.  Then again, if they made smart decisions, I wouldn’t have been able to talk about the gore.  Well, that isn’t exactly great either.  The only original death scene is when a girl’s eyeball is bored out with a drill press.  Other scenes blatantly rip off the sleeping bag kill from Friday the 13th Part 7 and the barrel sequence in Two Thousand Maniacs.  While some of this is appropriately bloody, I must admit I could’ve done without all the CGI blood splatters. 

Incidentally, this is a sequel to 2011’s Bunnyman (which I haven’t seen), which would explain the flashback scene. 

AKA:  The Bunnyman Resurrection.