A giant snake is seen attacking Los Angeles. We then flashback to see how it all got started. It seems a swarm of snakes got into a batch of contaminated chemicals, turned crazy, and went on a rampage killing a bunch of folks. A team of small-town cops and scientists then must band together to try to stop them.
Big F*cking Snake (that’s the actual onscreen title as it’s list as “Big Freakin’ Snake" just about everywhere else) is sort of like a Dustin Ferguson version of a SyFy Channel “When Animals Attack” movie. And you know what? The results aren’t terrible for the first half-hour or so. The flick is only forty-six minutes long, and he manages to pack a lot of kill scenes into that timeframe, not to mention a ton of herpetologist jokes. (“You study STDs?”)
Too bad the whole thing just sort of fizzles out in the end and the titular snake is barely glimpsed. Instead of an actual climax, Ferguson gives us a long montage of snakes in their natural environment, which looks like it was taken from a YouTube nature documentary. Not the best way to end a movie in my estimation.
As for the CGI snake? I’ve seen worse. Size-wise, it certainly lives up to the title. It’s just a shame we don’t see much of it.
The cast is decent, even if they are a bit underutilized. The highlight comes when Brinke Stevens gets attacked by a bunch of rubber snakes in her bathtub. We also have Mel Novak (looking like he’s using orange bronzer two shades darker than Trump’s) as the crooked commissioner trying to keep a lid on the snakes. The Queen of Tubi horror, Miss Dawna Lee Heising and Shawn C. Phillips also pop up as attendees of a Fourth of July fireworks display that is crashed by the snakes.
AKA: Big Freakin’ Snake.
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